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Help - Attention Campaign

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rosencrantz:
Thanks Rojo - and for sharing your own experience about how your mother has a go at you until you 'hit back'.  

What made me feel really ill, was discovering what 'satisfaction' it gave her.  Positively orgasmic!  Yuk!  I felt like I was being used in some kind of masturbatory exercise.

Trying to understand it from her point of view, it reminds me more of how people act who harm themselves by cutting - they get huge relief from the cut.  Hurting themselves before someone else hurts them?  

Causing the hurt, hurrying it up, getting it over with gives the relief???

Or has the hurt become pleasure???  

Either way, I'm being USED here!!!

I don't honestly think that she does it in order to label me 'nasty', I'm an irrelevance here (as usual - typical NPD), she's doing it solely to hurt herself.

And my poor little ego says : 'How can I be such an irrelevance?'.  But I guess that's where all abuse starts.  I was lucky she stopped there...

I'm sorry for her, I really, really am.  But what's the point in being sorry for someone to whom you are an irrelevance???

I'm sure that there's a big cosmic joke in there somewhere.   :x
R

Rojo:
Hi, everyone

Thanks to all of you who shared your advise and experiences.  It's really helped me through this latest episode in "Soap Opera N".  I ended up sending her a completely meatless email.  I went this route as I could tell she was becoming armed and dangerous as a result of my silence.

I used to have the fortitude to blast right back at her, which is apparently one of the effective techniques in dealing with these people, but over time I found that it just took too much of the energy I had left.  Pandora, I think you and I have been reading similar material as I also read that it's sometimes better to keep one's distance and not disclose too much.  This is something I've been gradually working on over the last few years.  It seems to be working for me...so far...and I've found I have more time and energy to work on me.  I'm not sure how this would work if one were still living with the N (I thank God that is no longer the case with me).

Rosencrantz, I think you're right about the self-mutilation analogy, as well as the satisfaction they get from it all.  I've been giving some thought to the idea that perhaps my mother does love me...on some twisted level that's tangible only to her... but because she has so many huge issues of her own, she has to torture me, her kid, in order to subconciously punish herself/obtain something she needs.  Perhaps when they feel particularly unworthy, they push our buttons hard enough to receive the punishment they feel they deserve?  Could be.

Looking back on my childhood with this woman, I imagine that her true self is some horrific, convoluted storm thundering overhead, and the person she thinks she is, or wants to be, is the earth below, and I am just some hapless, meandering lightning rod that she manages to trap in between.  The trick I'm trying to master is to a) not be hapless, and b) not be a lightning rod  :?.  Rubber suit anyone?  LOL!

We are merely convenient conduits for whatever these people need, in my opinion.  I do love my mom - for me it's a primal connection that not even she can completely destroy - and like you, R, I also feel pity for her.  Besides protecting myself from her by establishing firm boundaries, I think I'm also protecting that little oasis of love that I still carry for her.  I'm working hard at only going there when I want to be close to her, instead of staggering off zombie like, chasing the skalding mirage that is my mother.

I also recall the tests..do you folks get "tested" by your N?  I think mine was only nice in order to test for the presence of individulism.  If I tested positive, down came another paralyzing blast from the N demon in the sky.  If I tested negative, then I'd be left alone until I tried to stray from the N powerplant once again.  Sometimes I wonder about the poor folks who eventually give up trying to break free of this trap.  I suppose they just end up wandering about fretfully in N-land, occasionally receiving a reminder jolt, just in case they start getting any ideas.  Aggh, it's all so irritating!!!  Not to mention mind boggling.

Anyway, I'm babbling on!  Thanks again to all of you and this place where we can recover from our latest harrowing adventures with our N's.  Cosmic joke?  Yup, I think that's a roger.  :D

God bless,

Rojo

phoenix:
bye

Rojo:
Hi, Folks

I thought I'd share the latest with NMom's attention campaign.  As I mentioned earlier, I sent her a meatless email to let her know I'm alive and well, and to thank her for the gifts she sent via my husband who had seen her on a business trip abroad.  I sent that email 11 days ago...so just over a week has since passed.  Yesterday I got this:

"How are you, it's very quiet your end, are you depressed about being [in your thirties], fed up with me for some reason or other, is [your hubby] alright? [Your hubby] mentioned there was a bit of a problem with your house, has that been sorted out.
 
What about some photos of you in your nice dress [your hubby] bought you over here? How is the sewing getting along, did the book help in any way? Did the ring fit you, [your chilhood friend] has had her eye on that ring for years and I had to fight her off it many a time."

What??!!   :lol:   I guess a simple thank you a week ago was not enough...I'm supposed to grovel, spew undying gratitude and adulation on a daily basis that I was lucky enough to be chosen over my friend or something?  Riiiight!!!

Puke!   :x  These people are so whacked in the head!

God bless,

Rojo

Wildflower:
Hi Rojo,


--- Quote ---I guess a simple thank you a week ago was not enough
--- End quote ---


Hmmm.  Not only are you supposed to grovel, but apparently, telling her you're okay isn't really adequate either.  Seems like she's desperate for you to be suffering in some way (are you depressed, having problems with the house?  something?  ANYTHING????).  :roll:

Like Jacmac said in another post, isn't it strange to watch them wriggle around and make a lot of noise when you respond with a calm, collected attitude? :wink:

Wildflower

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