The end of my story...

[rosencrantz]

I posted earlier today in the 'Dodging Bullets' thread about my experience of a major change in my life, represented by what happened to a tooth and uncovered during a session with my 'healer'.  The symbolism seemed to show how something which had been fragile all my life (but healthy underneath ie 'me') was now giving way to something stronger.

One thing more happened during this session...I realise this may seem strange but I believe it to be true.  

The background is that my father died last April; information about NPD arrived in my inbox after his death.  The rest is 'history'!

I cried today because my father is now leaving me.  I've experienced him being  with me, on and off, this last year, helping me, guiding me, showing me a great many things that I needed to know, protecting me...everything in death that he hadn't been able to do in life.

And now he's leaving.  I so much don't want him to leave me    but I know he has to go.

Towards the end of the session I saw him further away from me - and younger so I guess he's going to better times.

On reflection I realise that this really does have something to do with what's happened here.  I had a dream a few weeks back - "How could he leave me so exposed!?".  Well, his job is done now and he knows I'm safe now.  He isn't needed any more.

I just went back to read the first post I made here about my parents, seven long months ago.  Then I said that just before he died, my father looked at me, said he saw that I was happy and was content.  

Now, he knows that I'm safe and he's gone.  

I'm sorry for posting this but it completes my story.  It's been a strange and disorientating and terrifying few months since I first posted 'sharing laughter and irony' about the symbolism in my chosen name - but the story does have a happy ending.  Well, anyway, bitter sweet.  
R

[CC]

R,

I am sorry to hear of your loss.  We all experience our grief at different paces.  You needed him to watch over you for a while.  It was 2 years before I mourned my father's death several years ago.

It sounds to me like you are arriving at some level of peace within yourself.  Heartfelt congratulations.

[Wildflower]

Hi Rosencrantz,

The whole experience with the tooth and watching your father leave must have been extremely difficult, but I hear in your posts that this is also a time of transition and new beginnings.   Just wanted to add my congratulations, too.  

Wildflower

[phoenix]

bye

[rosencrantz]

Oh Phoenix - that lovely symbolism!  You must be psychic!!!    Thank you, you understood my post.  And your smiley says that you feel OK about it.    

But it could be worse!!!    Soon after my father died (and before I knew about narcissism) I had an email 'conversation' with a friend who also has a 'challenging' mother (but the violent type).  She said :

I don't really believe in ghosts but the thought of my mother being dead gives me the willies... at least with her alive I know where she is but when she's dead?! Is this something that bothers you?

And I said :

You made me laugh - about where your mum might be hiding!!!  No - that's one thing I don't worry about.  Once she's passed on, she wouldn't be interested in me any more.  I don't think she's interested in me now.  Oh (dawning) she never was interested in me.  That explains a few things. I don't know what her desperate need for me was, her clinging, but she wasn't interested in me.  ?

So maybe there are blessings in Ns being so self-absorbed after all!!!  

Of course, I had no idea what a mega transition THAT little 'dawning' of reality symbolised!!!  One minute they can't live without you and the next you don't even exist!!!