Thanks, all. Rosencranz, his dad was an alcoholic, they moved a lot, and thought they were oh so special. His mom actually told me he had the best of everything, and the ex told me he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. They were upper middle class, living on credit. They had no friends, just people they "helped" and told about, and people they sought and adored with more money than they had. The no friends was the first thing I noticed, as I come from a blue collar, rural, nonmobile family, and friends and their support was very important to us. He was an only child, his mother was intrusive and controlling; she actually opened and read our mail.
This story might explain. They gave us a chest freezer. We were moving away (from them), and so called and asked if they wanted it. They said sell it, I said how big should I say in the ad? They said they had no idea. So I measured it and advertised it as having the cubic feet a freezer from a catalog with similar dimensions had. They called furious. It was not ** feet, it was at least ***** feet. Which was impossible. Everything they had was the best and endlessly talked about. I think the Ex was the best, because he was their child.
Yes, he was fully aware of his secret life, but could disassociate to the extent that when not directly confronted with evidence, I think he almost believed his lies. He is a compulsive liar, lying just for the sake of lying, even when it will eventually hurt him or when there is no reason for it. He denied and denied the car, for example, but in divorce property mediation he was trying to argue about every little thing, so I quickly brought up the car, and he saw I was ready to bring it all up, with documentation. So he backed off immediately. I'm guessing he hadn't even told his attny, and didn't want evidence he was so slimy. He feels entirely justified, but, just like with the smashed finger, there are these self-preserving insights that keep him from going too far.
Paul Mullen, a researcher in Australia, treats stalkers. I'm not remembering exactly what he had found, and don't have time to look it up right now, but there is indication of a higher rate of cluster B than the average criminal, if I remember right. I'll have to check. Anyway, there are suggestions we will find higher N, borderline, and histrionic disorders in stalkers.
He is vengeful and rages inwardly, showing a cold, icy exterior. He was angry at me for three days when I was in the hospital and sick at the birth of our son. He was angry because I had gone into labor early, and plans had to be changed. Also, because my son and I were sick, the cost was much higher. What is ironic is that my dad paid the bill.
He is in a bad place - waiting tables at 56 with a BA, lost four jobs in the last four years since we split, has had a concealed weapons permit since 1989, unbeknownst to me until two years ago, and had a total of 4 PO Boxes, one in the next town. I don't know what all he is into.
I believe the secret life made him feel important, in control, and all powerful. I think that's also what he gets from stalking me. Which is ironic, because he's letting it control him. But that doesn't do me any good.
I hope I answered all questions. Thanks again.
