Lupita, you are definitely not the only one. I have fought depression most of my life, starting around when I was 11. And I would become very angry with people who said, oh it's not so bad, blah, blah, blah. And I still don't think those particular people understood. While they may have been right that I wasn't looking at things objectively or giving myself a chance to be happier, they really had never stood where I stood. They could not understand what all my obstacles and issues were.
Here, people do understand. Some have it worse than me. Some have strengths that I do not have. Anyway, I can learn from these people because they have walked where I walked. If they say it is possible to change my thinking and therefore my feelings and therefore my possibilities, then I believe them.
Another thing that has helped me to be open to growing and changing is that I pretty much hit the end of the line for me. Nothing I usually did "worked" anymore. I ran out of coping skills. I ran out of ideas to try. And I ran out of energy. My old ways took all of my energy to maintain and didn't work anyway. I guess I finally had to admit "defeat".
And this place.....what a place. I'm so glad I found it. And it was the last N who "led" me here. He was so much like another person I knew. And when I had been driven bonkers by that other person I remembered hearing the word narcissist and wondering if she was one. But had no internet then. By the time I finally connected the Ns, I had the internet and could find info so easily. Everything finally came together.
Lupita, everybody here is at a different stage of educating themselves. But.... all have walked a similar path. So, you can believe that if they made it and they believe you will too..... that you really can do it. Not all at once. But you really can do it. Even with this depression you have. Like I said I have been fighting depression since I was about 11. That is 34 years. But now I am making true progress. In one year I have undone so much of the past damage. Still have a ways to go. But I have made major progress.
You will do it too. Just keep going. Keep sharing here. Don't let disappointments keep you from getting up and trying again. We all have them. But we just get up and try again.
Love, Pennyplant
