Hi Write,
I haven't been around here much lately, but still occasionally read the postings. You know that I entered the whole world of dating again after 22 years of marriage with a great deal of trepidation. It is hard to be able to trust a man again after being so deceived for so long. But I did it because I didn't want to be alone, I crave intimacy and loving relationships, and I believe it is the healthiest way for me to move forward with my life--as long as the man I'm with is a good one. Obviously, my ability to choose "good ones" wasn't so good for a long time, but therapy has hopefully improved that situation drastically.
When I did decide to start dating again, I did it with the intention of carefully testing the waters, keeping all relationships casual and light until I could get comfortable with once again being in that world and fine-tune my abilities to discern personality strengths and flaws, etc. When I started dating my now b/f nearly 2 years ago, we both came to it with the attitude of keeping it casual, continuing to date other people, and not being intimate unless or until we decided that we wanted to make it exclusive and more involved. That process took 4 months, but by the end of that time we knew each other well, had become good friends and were ready to become lovers. We never played games with each other, were totally honest about our other dating situations, but always knew when we were together that there was a chemistry that was non-existent with other people.
In your situation, I would say to not "move on" with your life, but "continue on." There is no reason that the two of you must make a decision here and now. Yes, you should see other people and start learning what that feels like. If he is a good choice for you and he also comes to that conclusion, you two will figure that out. He has no right to expect you to hang out and wait for him to make some kind of decision that he wants to date you. If he has things to work out, let him, but don't let it stop you from "continuing on."
I have talked here about my own relationship and how long I would be willing to wait for him to conclude that we should make a permanent commitment to each other. I fretted about it for at least 6 months, even went back into therapy, and was getting close to walking away from the relationship because he was not moving at the same pace that I was. My girlfriends finally sat me down and told me I would be absolutely insane to give up this relationship that has been nearly perfect for 2 years. I fought their opinions for awhile, but finally concluded that they are right. What I have is so much better than I have ever had or could ever have imagined having. My whole outlook has changed for the better. I am committed to staying where I am and having the faith that things will work out the way I hope they will. I am looking at a new business venture and doing some redecorating and remodeling to my house. I have found a peace that has eluded me for the last 30+ years.
The most important thing I learned in therapy regarding relationships is that healthy people attract healthy people. In order to be in a healthy relationship--be it friends or lovers--you yourself must be healthy, or at least working in that direction. I think you are doing that and you will benefit in all aspects of your life as a result.
All the best,
Brigid