Feeling scared to post

[seastorm]

I was reading the post about deleting posts and blocking posts and didn't have a clue what JacMac was talking about. I don't know how to do that and it never occured to me to delete my posts. I like to see how my threads develop and their is quite a road map there for me to see. I see that  I have grown and feel stronger. I see what works and what does not work in my life.

My experience with the personal message place was very beautiful.  I was in a very bad way when I started to post and someone, an angel for sure, started to send me encouragement and information though the messages. It was signed anonymously. They were long messages and for awhile came every day. Pretty great, eh?

I think that in a group it can be unhealthy for the group if people splinter off and talk about others on the board. This is called gossiping where I come from.  Gossip is lateral violence. It undermines a group.

Lately, I have stopped posting much because I feel judged. I imagine that there is a right way to speak and a wrong way. I don't want to be attacked for having opinions or thoughts. I have really shown my tender underbelly here and have gotten so much support. Suddenly, I feel the temperature is much colder. When I feel scared, I have a tendency to flip into being judgemental. I don't want this kind of stuff to come to the board. However, feelings will show themselves inevitably. Even on the board there is group process. First the testing and then the storming and finally finding the norms of behaviour. I don't feel like going through this. I am too tired and hurt these days.

If I hurt someone, then I would hope we could address it like adults. No personal attacks.
I also feel uncomfortable about all the scripture quoting. I don't drag my religion in and it feels like some kind of violation. This is really hard for me to say. I think the wrath of Khan will descend on me. It seems to be a norm here to quote the scriptures but it seems like lording it over someone when they are vulnerable.
I want to say GAY, BLACK, MUSLIM, BUDHIST, PAGAN, rich person, poor person, those who have been raped and humiliated by evil people this is a safe place.

I don't know what JaCMac is talking about but I do think that there is a vulnerability expressed and a feeling of being unsafe.

So....... if I or anyone feels unsafe then perhaps it is better to bring it to the board, and let the group work it out.  There is a powerful force for the good here.
I don't want to get nailed again.  It hurts. On the other hand if i am acting like a drip, then I would like to be told so.
I am very sad. I used to love coming to the board.

Sea storm

[Leah]

Seastorm

I have lost my feeling of trust here on the board as my posts have been saved and hashed and reposted etc.

Apparently, the main communication takes place in Private Messaging  (though I had no idea that was the norm here)

That's where it has all gone downhill as Gossiping has exploded out onto the circle

Only way I can describe it.

There are Christians on board who feel a sense of freedom in expressing their spirituality and I am one of them.  As you said in a

recent post they become an easy target .... you made reference to Jesus.  (sorry I cannot think of the title of the thread)

Hops has shared about her Universal belief system - that's great and I was interested to know about it.

Jac decided to tampering with posts, pulling posts, locking posts, erratically ..... due to being triggered by what was taking place

in the PM "behind the scenes" with her circle of friends.  Unfortunately.

Because of my choice of topic mirrored what was happening in the PM with Jac - she wrongly assumed and accused me

and refused to believe me when I explained that my post was not to do with her friend and herself in the PM conflict.


It's best to speak openly on the board the true facts of whatever any given situation or concern is.

Being real is Us.

Denial is the N's

So personally, I prefer being real.

And, I have not engaged in the circle of friends Private Messaging behind the scenes.


To be honest, the gossiping disappoints me - and concerns me - as people splinter off into Private Messaging discussing peoples

personal life stories and posts ..... is not a pleasant thought.


Well we won't know whatever went on in the Private Messaging conflict, but, it had ramifications on the board, sadly.


Warm thoughts and wishes to you.

Leah xxx


PS ... I first got nailed when I expressed my thoughts on the thread "High Cost of Winning"..... and was horribly maligned and attacked

for merely expressing my thoughts - did nothing other than express my thoughts.  Should have kept silent.

[Leah]

The book I am rereading at present quotes

Health - Achievement - Love - Faith


As the four essential parts in the framework of wholeness and healing.

Faith or Spirituality is mentioned in every book, on healing from emotional and verbal abuse, that I have read. 


"without faith the life sustaining three sides of the life triangle can collapse because one of the three sides is damaged"

taken from The Emotional Rape Syndrome book. 

Faith is in the center of the triangle - with the sides being: Health, Achievement and Love


Hope that helps explain why those with faith wish to express their faith instead of oppressing it.


Warm thoughts and wishes to you,

Leah xx

[Overcomer]

I totally agree.  I have noticed that every time I even ask my aunt at work if she did this or that, she is totally defensive.  It is like she has had to defend herself all her life and it is a natural response even when it isn't warranted.

Further, my nmom insinuates herself into every conversation at work (well, she used to but I do not think she can keep track of it all anymore in her old age......)  It was her way of being in "control."  So it didn't matter what the conversation, she had to comment and had to establish she was in charge.  This gets really tedious because it is almost like you have to backtrack, fill her in on the details so she can dictate her wishes.  I think this happens on the board as well.  Some people have to be the first to comment to establish themselves in every conversation.  There are some people who post rarely but when they post, I listen. 

And as far as the Christianity thing?  I am a Christian and I will often close my post by saying something like "I just looked up into the sky and said, "Lord?  It is up to you!!"  I try to live my Christianity in a way that is not offensive to those that don't believe as I do but not ignore it because it is a part of me.  I don't want my faith to sound cliche....which is something my nmom does well.  She quotes scripture or has many catch phrases that she wears into the ground (but for my mom who is starting to develop Alzheimer's but won't admit it........she needs to rehearse what she is going to say because spontaneous speech is starting to elude her.......)

And over the years I have had people kindly ask me questions that expose my irrational thoughts.  That is what is so good about this board.  I don't have to pay a therapist and some kind person says in a nice way, "Are you sure you are not overreacting to your mom?"  Or "Kell, forgive me if I am wrong but it seems to me that you are not seeing things for what they are but what you want them to be....."  Yes, sometimes those comments seem startling because we all want to think that we are in our right mind and that it is not us with the problems but the Ns in our lives.  But we should all know that living with an N, or being raised with an N screwed with our minds and sometimes we need people to ask us those questions that we don't want to hear.

And all of this pulling posts and locking threads?  It's crazy.  It's like when my husband and I have a fight and he opens the door, yells in his insults and then slams the door and runs down the stairs.  That is not fighting fair. 

What I want to do is say the things I want to say but I understand why we can't.  We would be fighting all the time.  That is why it is good to choose your words, not be defensive, don't lock a thread if you hear what you don't want to hear.  Sometimes it is comical to let the thread go and stop commenting and watch where it morphs.  In the end it usually has nothing to do with the original topic!!  Better to let it run it's course than to take away the ability to put your two cents worth in.  Then we all become voiceless again!!  I choose to not even read those threads after awhile.....it becomes confusing to me since I don't have a clue what the fight is about anyway and since I don't think it has anything to do with me I'll just continue to worry about my situation - my REAL situation.  I don't have time to add drama to my life through a board of anonymous people.   l live with enough drama already!!

So, Sea..you are one of those people who when they post, I listen!!!

[reallyME]

seastorm: I also feel uncomfortable about all the scripture quoting. I don't drag my religion in and it feels like some kind of violation.

First, as I've said in the past, quoting scriptures is NOT necessarily "religious" or "dragging my religion" in.  I resent even hearing the word "religious" as connected with me.  I have a personal RELATIONSHIP with Jesus.  I don't use cliches; can't stand them.  Scripture, when used properly and decently, is NOT cliche nor is it religious.

Am I sounding DEFENSIVE?  yep.  One thing I WILL speak up for is the Word of God, whether another person chooses to believe and follow it or not.  I live my life according to its precepts and principles and the only true answer for any of you IS Yahweh, Father God and His Word.

That being said, Kelly, I understand that you want to live unoffensibly to others, however, JESUS ROCKED BOATS.  The Bible is a cornerstone (foundation) to those who are longing for the Lord, but it is a rock of offense to those who are perishing (who don't long for the Lord).  I don't believe that our job as followers of Jesus, is to walk on eggshells for fear that someone might be offended by the TRUTH.

I feel strongly about this topic and it's one I will not back down from.  Again, these are my views, but they are strong ones.

~Laura

P.S. I am NOT religious

[mudpuppy]

seastorm,

This place goes through cycles. At times there is drama from seemingly suicidal posters, at others there are some truly strange people saying some truly strange things. It's most uncomfortable when there is conflict and there have been many cycles of that as well. They always die down. If you will wait it out I think you will find that this place will return to feeling safe and comfortable. As I recall you were inadvertantly involved in a bit of a conflict not long after you got here but it died down. So will this one.

As to the scripture quoting I try to limit mine only to someone I know to be a Christian. If I have very occasionally quoted one to someone who was not a Christian, it was for the wisdom contained therein not to lord it over anyone. Who am I to lord anything over anyone to begin with?

If you look back several months you will find a thread by me about how a mudpuppy pulls himself up on the bank of the stream to bask in the sun while the waters are being roiled by conflict. Why not come up on the bank here where it's warm and sunny until things die down? Pretty soon you will be able to dabble your toes again and I promise I won't quote any bible verses. 

mud

[Hopalong]

Hi Laura...Mudpup...

I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have opened that can 'o worms. Really. It was not careful of me.

Laura, I love your raw wild faith. Something about you helps me make peace with part of my history and identity...it's almost preconscious. You have never ever offended me, because I have never felt preached at or condescended to. You are so honest. (((RM)))

Aww, Mud. You are such a fine person. I love your tough but gentle faith too. You're like the Clydesdale in the field, in my imagination. I'm more like tweetybird hitching a ride on the plow.

I think when I posted that other spiritual reading, I was trying to deal constructively with beginning to feel invisible, as a nonChristian and agnostic, because for me personally, the preaching and quoting and declarations of salvation were reminding me of a stifled feeling I had as a child. Then I shared the reading, and some people liked it, and Lupita honored me with her curiosity. So then I'd gotten some attention and felt better. Sheesh, how Nish is that? (Don't tell me!...) 

Plus which there's some ME ME ME involved, you know? Ick, but there it is. I forgive myself.

I reallly do celebrate the diversity of voices and faiths and approaches to spirituality here. I appreciate getting to hang around people who are not like me. I don't even want to hang around people who believe all the exact same things I do. I have so much to learn that's not from the mirror. I think now and then though when there's a flood of back and forth Christian testimony, I get triggered in an unaware way (guess that's what triggering is). And I am sure of this, it's nothing to do with anybody here...it's projection from my childhood, and even my mother's childhood. And playground stuffout exclusion ab, you name it.

Bottom line is though, I don't feel excluded or discriminated against or victimized on matters of spirituality here one bit. I think people have been enormously respectful and welcoming and tolerant and expansive here. So I apologize again for complaining about Christians speaking up. I know it's a tenet of faith, it's the dominant faith in the world I live in, and I need to make my adjustments. IOW, ignore that, do feel free to be as you are and post anything you need to.

I can figure out my own place to process those feelings, they ain't y'alls fault. ((((((((()))))))))))

I'd so love to hear from someone Muslim, about some of the most beautiful moments of their worship or experience, ditto Buddhist, ditto ditto ditto etc. I think the real interest I have though is not in the religion/s or labels or which texts/words are sacred/right. For me, it's the people. How we work, think, sing, try, explain, describe, dance, love, break, heal, support, tell our stories.

That was very helpful to think through. Thank you, everybody.

love
Hops

[FS]

Hops

dpn't apologize for saying that the scripture quoting is getting to be over the top.  This isn't bible class.  A couple of quotes and references are ok, but some here go over board.  They sound holier than thou.

How bout quoting from history figures or just avergae peolpe?  Churchill, Lincoln, Socrates, Budda, Jung or the lady/man down the street?

FS

[Hopalong]

FS,
I don't want anybody to censor their enthusiasm.
The Net is a flexible thing and this is a big space!

If we can post and share long chapters from books on other topics a little scripturizing ain't gonna hurt me one bit. And every now and then someone posts a verse that reminds me of the most beautiful side of it.

Who would you like to quote? Got a good one to share?

"Never doubt that a small group of determined people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." -- Margaret Mead

Hops

[FS]

Hops,

I did say the occassional quoting of scripture is fine, but sometimes it feels like bible class.  It would be better if some lived and behaved reflecting the quotes instead of just speaking the words.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."  Buddha

fs

[Hopalong]

that's a good one FS.
I love the word "earnest"

walkin' de walk

H

[Leah]

When you are truly in love with someone, the person is very close to you, held dearly in your heart .... whose name flows first.

Personal relationship.

Leah xx

"heart to heart"

[mudpuppy]

I did say the occassional quoting of scripture is fine .......

A couple of quotes and references are ok.......

To avoid future offense could I be advised now of my quote quota?

mud

[Hopalong]

Seven times seven, (((Mudster)))

Hopadoodle

[reallyME]

Leah, I liked your "whose name flows first" when you are in love.  AMEN!

FS, I'm so thankful that I am not subject to censureship by you on this board or anywhere else