Thanks DL,
I had the feeling that at 67, all my traits are so ingrained, there is not enough time for me to 'change' and become functional as opposed to dysfuntional. Too much has happened in my life from the very beginning.
I went to the psychiatrist to be diagnosed and he said Avoidant Personality Disorder and that I'm not likely able to change,
I mentioned this to my daughter and she said he ought to be fired, that we all can change-- well I will quote her:
"I DO however, believe that no matter who we are, that we are empowered to change our own lives. My own life is an example. If you do not believe that you can change your life, then you are right, and frankly, if your shrink says that you cannot change, and you believe him, then he is right."
She makes a point but she is not God, nor is she me, nor is she a therapist.
I am trying another therapist and I will see what she says. In Bradshaw's book he mentioned "years of therapy"........
...I cannot imagine $100 hour for the rest of my life to try to change. Trying is the beginning of doing.
I grew up with no boundaries so I lived by flying of in all directions at once, never knowing who I was or where I was going.
I thought I did a much better job of parenting than my mother did, but it wasn't good enough, as I am more dysfuntional that I thought I was. I suppose I can see now that even my daughter picked up some of my traits, but after the N she was still young enough to get to therapy and make changes. She would therefore have to talk about me as her only parent (-- her father killed himself when she was 15--although he hadn't been around in 7 years, when she was 8.)
Hi Overcomer
I was notified that you came on.
Yes I agree. Heart-wrenching and I felt so discombobulated after the first few pages, almost sick!
I can talk about my grandmother, my parents and myself to the therapist and I do undertand the generational problem, first hand now.
I have mainly felt that my parents did their best with the 'tools they had" and then kept my feelings to myself but didn't disown them or rage at them with blame, but I might have been distant, yet did their tax returns every year.
I sure feel strange since beginning that book--like a witch who ought to be burned at the stake, or shot with a silver bullet, or have my computer taken away from me-----the last one would do me in!!!
xx
Izzy