Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Anger and frustration
rosencrantz:
Wildflower - I felt like 'wild applause' was appropriate when I read your thread. That's terrific. What a breakthrough!! That feeling of relief when you've worked it out in your head AND your heart. Terrific! :D
R
Wildflower:
Thank you so much, Rosencrantz :D You just put a big warm smile on my face :D :D
Sally:
Wildflower I completely agree with you that things change when you first get down to your bones that whatever the Narcissist is doing, it has nothing to do with you.
Got that about my mother and was able to finally walk away. Even said to her in my final letter that until I could take care of myself around her so that she couldn't abuse me, I would leave her life forever. And I did eleven years ago and have felt such freedom having her out of my life.
And now I can look back and see that my final meeting with my exN was another one of those moments. I knew, knew that what I thought had always been about me, had really been about him. I could see him for what he was (thanks mostly to what I learned on this site). I still have a way to go to get completely past the painful/sad part, but I do know I am not turning back. I know there is nothing I can say or do that will make him love me, or be kind to me, or stop making everything I say or do wrong. In essence, I give up....he IS PERFECT :roll: (perfect in a world that he lives in alone). Sally
Wildflower:
Hi Surf,
When I read your post, I immediately thought of another book (must be book night for me :wink: ) I've found to be really useful and referenced elsewhere on this site: Children of the Self-Absorbed, by Nina Brown. What I like most about this book is that there are exercises you can work through to help you work your way out of the confusion while interacting with an N.
--- Quote ---you almost have to step back I'm sure and detach in order to do this, being mindful of how you feel and keeping your breathing, or center, or what ever
--- End quote ---
I find concrete (factual) examples to be ever so useful, so I thought one of these exercises may be an easier step towards distancing yourself enough to catch your breath and respond instead of reacting. In this exercise, you are asked to visualize a protective, impenetrable barrier that you can put up or take down in a flash - one that will protect you from any surprise attacks from the N.
--- Quote ---The image that works for me is one of massive steel doors clanging shut. Nothing dangerous or threatening can get through those doors when they are shut. A colleague uses a shade that he can pull down between him and the person. There are many barriers that could work well, including:
- a brick wall
- electrified wire
- barbed wire
- mirrors that reflect back the projections
- a force field
- a jungle
- a shield
- a suit of armor
or whatever seems appropriate for you.
Once you have settled on your image, you will need to practice it so you can become adept at quickly employing it.
--- End quote ---
The exercise goes on to help you solidify this image. I'm still trying to find the image that works best for me, but even my imperfect images have been useful when I'm with my dad. Even when things are relatively calm, I remember my image and I feel safer and can remain calm - because it reminds me that I can protect myself, and I have the ability to leave if things get scary.
Wildflower
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---perfect in a world that he lives in alone
--- End quote ---
Nicely put :D :lol:
Wildflower
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