Private

[debkor]

I am so sick of the Private crap issues.  Private is exactly what that means.  Not to share with the rest of us.  When this first started a week ago or so it was private message that were sent in a circle of friends. So what. There were judgments being made, so what, it was in privacy. Who am I to tell someone not to make judgment and not to talk in private?  Will it work? No. People have a right to talk in private.  When someone brings the issue pubic then all the rules are changed. It's fair game and people have the right to defend themselves, especially when they didn't know it was coming out in the open and they were smacked in the face with it. To me it's kind of underhanded.  Hidden Agenderish and the private ones have been betrayed without even notice they were going to be.  It appears to be a set up for sides to be formed.
This is what I really believe in my own (personal) opinion or why else would you bring it public.  I’m just really tired of it.

Love Deb

[Leah]

Dear Deb,

Whatever has brought this on?  Thought this was all resolved and we had "let go" and were "moving on"?

Do share with us how you are feeling so that we may come alongside and help in some small way, all of us, together as a team of friends.

Leah xx

[dandylife]

Deb,
I can just about feel your pulse racing from here! It IS upsetting. I have never relied upon personal messaging at all here. I really didn't know that it existed until all this. I guess the deeper you get in and begin having 'friendships' and alliances, the more likely the PMs will be. You're right, you can't stop people from doing. Freedom of expression is very important. I just think we all have our sensitivities and it's hard to know when someone's button will be pushed. No solutions - just a reminder that we're all fragile in our own way.
Dandylife

[debkor]

I have never seen conflicts before because I haven't been on long enough.

It's not pointed directly at a week ago.  That is not the issue.  Don't get me wrong. Pm's is fine. I have no problem with that.  I think it is a good thing.  I was thinking about Laura and Lupita. I just really feel that if it's private keep it that way. When it is brought out in front of the board with out an agreement between the two private or 5 private people give at least notice that they are going to reveal it, it does not sound fair to me. 
Love
Deb

Just guess I'm feeling stressed with all the board problems.

[Sincerity]

I feel it most imperative to carefully step back and consider:


When a Private Message is sent to a Recipient

The Recipient reads the message, which may or may not result in the Recipient's feelings being such that the Recipient in her own right, seeks advice and insight, engaging her rightful " Voice "

No "walking on eggshells" or being made to justify or apologize for ownership of feelings, effected by the nature or content of the message.

Open communication is always the safe and sure option.

[debkor]

Yes I have taken a step back and I totally agree with you and what you are saying.  What I'm saying is *there are people feeling like they are walking on* egg shells*  Voices are going both ways along with feelings. People are not feeling safe either way. Anger and hurt is exploding all over among ourselves. People are leaving, People are feeling unsafe.  People are feeling attacked. Yes that bothers me. I like everyone on here.

Deb

[reallyME]

Let me just say that I agree that my private message to Lupita should not have been brought public.  I did not intend for that to happen.  Again, I will say that there is a miscommunication due to cultural barriers here.

Some cultures are very private and very family-oriented.  My culture, Italian, is very bold, open, outspoken, demonstrative.

Perhaps, Lupe felt that I was cornering her in some way. I don't know...just surmising here and not meaning to act like I know her thoughts at all.  I do know I have a right to ask questions of people and they have a right to not answer, to answer any certain way, good or bad, or to do what she did...take it to all of you and basically get upset with me for even asking.  I respect her right to publically handle things, but I did not think it was fair for the private message to be posted in its entirety and I guess if it was really a huge issue for me that I"d lose sleep over, I'd have to say I felt somewhat VIOLATED.  I guess it doesn't really matter at this point, but again, I'm speaking my mind because I have a right to freedom of speech.

~Laura

[turtle]

If I send an unsolicited PM to someone, especially if they are not a friend there is no obligation that my communication be kept private.  When I send PMs to people I consider friends, I always do so accepting the risk that it may be made public.  If someone asks me to send something to them and promise to keep my confidence then my expectations are different.

Keeping my head in my very think shell (my skin is so very tender) - Turtle

[reallyME]

I agree with you, Turtle.  Lupita was under no obligation to keep my correspondence with her, private.  However, I didn't feel that my question warranted her rallying people to her defense either.  If she just would have answered a simple question, none of this would have occurred, period.  That was her choice to go public.  I feel it was needed, but she felt better about having done it that way, so kudos to her.  It doesn't alter my life in any major way.  It happened, she feels more secure not talking to me, so be it.  Amen

[gratitude28]

Laura,
Here's my take opn the PM... When you asked in private, it felt like a secret. It is like saying privately, I noticed you have a wart on your nose. That makes it seem like you are confiding, but in a way, it is embarrassing, because everyone sees that you have a wart on your nose.
So, if you do it in public, at least here where we all share our warts and wrinkles and fears, someone can say, "I see you have a wart" in public and the rest of us can talk about warts we've had or warts we like, etc.
Does that make any sense????? It does to me, but then it is my own warped brain that sees it this way.
Love, Beth

[dandylife]

wow, I didn't know that juicieness existed!

where have I been? 

Dandylife

[reallyME]

Beth, I see your point.  TT, I like your policy and I try my best to live that way too.

I think now I understand that some people who brought my convos to the board, must have a tendency of handling things like that in realspace as well.  I can forgive them for that.  As Jesus said "Forgive them, Father.  They know not what they do."  Most of them, I don't think they really did know what they were doing when they went about things that way.

~Laura

[teartracks]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wow, I didn't know that juicieness existed!

where have I been? 

Dandylife

Hey dandylife,

Huh?  I'm kind of dopey tonight, so if it's important,  restate and ask me another way, OK?

tt

[dandylife]

sorry tt,
maybe not the best time to try and make light? I apologize

Dandylife

[teartracks]

sorry tt,
maybe not the best time to try and make light? I apologize

Dandylife

So K!