Author Topic: Signing In Under Different Names  (Read 6542 times)

Lupita

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2007, 07:51:50 PM »
The personality of the writer is transparent many times, in the aggressiveness, or the style in the approach, or the shyness, some are tactful, some are not, and that is felt even if they intend to be somebody different. hat we say can always identify us. Or so I think. Tell me if I am mistaken.
Love
Lupita

DreamSinger

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2007, 08:22:06 PM »
Thanks for the links, Leah! I'll be looking at them soon. There's a lot to learn here.

And Hops, I appreciate your support to let myself "be taken care of"...to consider having my personal needs met, rather than doing my advocate thing in one more place. That apparently is an issue with me. Part of my self image and role from earliest beginnings. I feel a resistance...but thank you for this "permission". It means a lot to me.

And I did email Dr. G., like last year, I believe about this. He didn't have a definitive answer concerning the logistics of the software for me, but he was understanding of my predicament. As I said, I still couldn't bring myself to try to post as two different people anyway.

But I do understand the original meaning of your post, Gratitude. I just wondered how you were able to ascertain that individuals were posting as themselves, and then another. It brought up to the surface my original concerns about being traced or found out if I shared details of my situation, even anonymously. Thanks for letting me know you recognized people through their writing styles. That's something I keep a lookout for in my own situation.

I agree with you.  Anonymity is used to protect our safety, not provide us cover for potshots or create an impression of support for our stand. Finding one's voice is important, and it is a right that was taken away for many of us, but every right comes with it the responsibility to speak with integrity and authenticity, and I believe that should be upheld.


gratitude28

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2007, 08:24:02 PM »
Dream,
As usual, you coalesced my spotty idea into useful words!!! I get ideas and just don't get them out as concisely as you all do!!!!!
Love,
Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

gratitude28

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2007, 10:00:59 PM »
Yes Bean!!! That is exactly what I meant!!! I am trying to be honest and it is so hard at times, but I think it is vital.
No worries on bringing up the safety issue. I think it is important.
Also, I don't assume most of the time that a guest or infrequent poster is someone else. I have noticed it a bit here and there. For the most part, I think we are all distict and pretty cool human beings on the site. I wish there were some way to provde security so that all could post freely. Sometimes, too, when you are already used to being afraid, it takes a long time to get over that fear. You can't erase habits of self preservation easily.
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Leah

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2007, 10:05:44 PM »


It does seem odd when you see 3 different Guests posting at the same time, each with the same email address??  Not labeling or condemning .... just wondering Why?   
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Leah

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2007, 10:13:25 PM »


Anyway folks, I am taking a break from here for a while, as presently, it is all a little bit too much for me to be honest.

So very best wishes to you all and hoping for you Peace, Love, Joy and Health along your journey of healing.

Love to all.

God Bless.

Leah xxx

Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Hopalong

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2007, 10:57:34 PM »
Best of luck to you, Leah.
I'm sorry you can't get comfortable.

I'm happy here and don't spend much time focusing on suspicious thoughts.
The board has been a healing and supportive place for me...and I don't
fuss about who's who. Instinct works pretty welll, I feel I can usually
tell who's being open. And that's almost everybody, I feel.

Taking posters at face value, as sincere, and responding in kind,
seems to help things average out as a good experience.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Overcomer

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2007, 11:10:03 PM »
leah:  Maybe I didnt track with this whole post but I cannot believe you are leaving.  you have posted more than anyone in a very short time and usually with lots of insight.  Maybe you could just back off and not post so much.  If the conflict had anything to do with it, that happens sometimes and my advise is to ride those out without getting so involved.  It is too emotionally exhausting to get wrapped up the conflict.  Of course it is up to you!  Peace!
Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"

Leah

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2007, 11:13:31 PM »
As I said, only "taking a break" for a while, the same as CB and others, whilst things recover after recent events.  

Did post yesterday that Mothering Sunday was a difficult time for me, and, I feel I need to rest a little and breathe.

Also, have to crack on with other stuff.

My heart has been and remains genuine here and in real life.

Please don't take offence at my words.

Blessings.

Leah xx

Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

Leah

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2007, 11:21:25 PM »

Overcomer,

You are really kind. I don't get much kind lately.  The last 2 days I have constantly cried and it's so silly I know, but it was the same last year, all to do with Mothering Sunday. It's ridiculous and juvenile I know.  Just need to sit back awhile and take a breather.

The conflict I have overcome, i just happened to get caught up quite innocently in it.  Just one of those unfortunate things that happen, same as in real life.  Not a problem.

Thanks and talk soon.

Leah xx

Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO

gratitude28

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #25 on: March 08, 2007, 11:49:00 PM »
((((((Leah)))))))))))))

Wishing you happier days.

Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Sela

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #26 on: March 09, 2007, 12:14:55 AM »
Ditto what Beth said and take care Leah.

Re: Signing In Under Different Names:

Who cares?  I mean, what does it really matter to me?  If the person needs to use 15 different names in order to survive emotionally and to try to break from their voicelessness, I don't think it's my business or worry.  If someone posts under numerous names to help....themselves or others.....why would I have a problem with that?   It's only when people use the board to say rude stuff, cruel stuff or derogatory, disrespectful stuff that gets my hair all fired up and a rumblin' in my tummy.  And then it doesn't matter what name is being used...it's the words, attitude, etc that sends sparks flying in my head.

I assume all the names people use here are fictional.... so how many is just another part of that fiction.  The reality is no one really knows who anyone is (unless they devulge that info personally) and everyone is free here.  Free to use as many names as they need or want to or find helpful....seems fine with me.  It doesn't effect me and if it helps anyone.....good thingy then!  Not what I need but if others do, what's the harm?

My 2 cents.

Sela

DreamSinger

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #27 on: March 09, 2007, 01:13:16 AM »
I don't have any problem with people signing up under different names unless they are doing so to control an argument, sway the opinion of the community by misrepresenting consensus or attack another person in as many different ways as they can.

For instance, if one person is rude to another, then that's one thing. They can write 10 posts and flame off on that person. But if they log in as ten different people, then that's a very different experience for the person getting flamed. Then instead of having one person yelling at you, which you can elect to ignore them and know it's the opinion of one person, you are suddenly ganged up upon by many people - when in truth, it's only one person taking many pot shots from many different angles.

That's the harm and emotionally can be a lot more devastating to the target.

Most people do use fictional names, but hopefully, that doesn't mean fictional stories or misrepresentation. Real time, real concern and caring is invested on the part of most members of any community. Of course, there is always the chance and probability that this will happen. And I understand this whenever I join an on-line community, but do I care if someone is playing with me in this way? Yeah, I do, but I'm not going to waste too much time wondering who is doing it and who's not, because I'm not a mind reader.  :)  I have to take what most people say on face value and walk away from others I don't get a good feeling about.

Finding one's voice to me means also taking responsibility for what I say.

As I think about this, I guess it kind of reminds me of the dynamics of relational aggression. In real life, people (most commonly believed to be women and girls) who can't be openly aggressive will use other people, other relationships to hurt an individual, to express negative feelings they, themselves, cannot openly own. They get other people to do it for them.

Perhaps, in cyber space, they can use other identities - it's still the same principle. Not owning your own negativity but expressing it through other personalities (instead of other people) - whether real or fictional. The bottom line is you get to hurt someone else while preserving your own image - fictional or otherwise - in your cyber community. It is the same basic inability to claim ownership of feelings and thoughts.

I don't think it's the taking of identities that's hurtful as much as their use when used in this way.

When one person creates fictional people 1, 2, 3, 4, etc, for the purpose of supporting their position or attacking someone they don't like, it seems less to me about breaking free from voicelessness than wanting to win an argument or beat someone over the head with many bats by cloning yourself. In that way, it's also an attempt to silence the voice of another...or punish them for using it.




Sela

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #28 on: March 09, 2007, 10:43:11 AM »
Hi all:

DreamSinger wrote: 
Quote
...you are suddenly ganged up upon by many people - when in truth, it's only one person taking many pot shots from many different angles.

That's the harm and emotionally can be a lot more devastating to the target.


That's what I would classify as rude, cruel, derogatory and disrespectful.  Not nice, I agree.  I don't like the idea of that.  I can't tell, however, who is who, for certain, which is frustrating.  I see your point.

Quote
Most people do use fictional names, but hopefully, that doesn't mean fictional stories or misrepresentation.

I hope for the same thing but being a public bulletin board, it's probable and possible that that may not always be the case.   I do hope that most are telling the truth here.  I try to believe that, anyway.  Sometimes I wonder though.   I'm not PC literate enough to know if there is a technical way to prevent people from using different names?

Quote
The bottom line is you get to hurt someone else while preserving your own image - fictional or otherwise - in your cyber community. It is the same basic inability to claim ownership of feelings and thoughts.

It is unfortunate but yep.....that's what happens, sometimes, I think.  Dr. G will step in sometimes.  Not always.  I think it's tough to let everyone have their say and define when it's .....enough. 

Quote
....it's also an attempt to silence the voice of another...or punish them for using it.


I hope, that in such situations, others here will pipe up and support the target.  However, things are not always as they appear.  A person who is acting nasty might be doing so inappropriately but be in truly deep pain.  You know how a cornered animal can become vicious?  Not something that's easy to think about when you're the target though eh?

I dunno.  I see what you mean, DreamSinger, but I also think I see why people are allowed the freedom to use as many names as they choose to.  There is no perfect system, I guess.  And if no one is hurting anyone, I see no problem with it.  It's like you said, when a person misuses the privilege, and another suffers, that it's not right/fair and it gets my goat too.  But that could happen no matter how many or few names a person uses.  It has to do with the person, (their disfunction), not their name/s, don't you think?  Won't such a person find ways to hurt others regardless?   And can such people really be stopped?

Sela

Hopalong

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Re: Signing In Under Different Names
« Reply #29 on: March 09, 2007, 03:43:47 PM »
Hi Dreamsinger,
I do see what you mean...just had these thoughts while reading (2 cents' worth!)

Quote
I don't have any problem with people signing up under different names unless they are doing so to control an argument, [[b]but I couldn't control that] [/b] sway the opinion of the community by misrepresenting consensus [reminds me of talk radio or "politics as usual", can't control that either] or attack another person in as many different ways as they can. [if flaming got out of hand Dr. G. steps in, so I don't need to control that]

Just feels better to me to focus as closely as I can on how people are affecting me, learn from it, work on my own voice, etc...

Met with my minister this a.m. to co-plan a service on Darfur, and one of the things he said was that in order to assuage others' pain, people have to be willing to experience it and not hide from it first, only then can we help effectively. He said that's why more often 10 years after a disaster or genocide or war, there will be such affecting films (e.g., Hotel Rawanda) and then people coming out say, with full hearts, oh that was awful. But being present to the present anguish and suffering in the world is harder.

Rambling...
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."