Who is the functional Me?

[isittoolate]

Yes OC

I read 'Joni', but I never met her.  That was back in the '70s, I think, so forget many of the details.

Only if one is already a celebrity will we be able to keep track, as with Christopher Reeves. He vowed he's walk by age 50. (I said to myself, "He won't", but that is his hope and no one ought to take it away.)

When I was in rehab, there were about 50 males and 12 females. (Things have changed now to a bigger place.) We were almost like family. I really felt for the quadriplegics.

One girl, Carole--well I was at work one day and someone told the story of the woman who crashed her car (Winter) and ended up in the hospital with a broken neck.  Her husband had hurt himself at work and went to Emergency to be looked at a recognized Carole's long  black hair and coat.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so I meet her 6 months later in rehab.

Eventually this husband was bringing the 2 sons to see her, accompanied by a girl-friend. I would have liked to have taken a round out of him!!!!!!!!!!!

Not all stories have a happy ending, like Joni and like the gal " The Other Side of the Mountain"

off topic here. I loved being tall and back in the 50s and 60s we tall gals NEVER wore flats---- they looked as though we were trying to look shorter.

I really didn't like change but saw it coming all the while.--sure hate shopping now, for clothing. As far as shoes go, I can wear only flats and slip-ons, as I cannot wiggle my ankles to get into any of those others, and if I did I would end up with sores from friction.

All the broken bones in my feet don't help either.


ah well. I get by ($3.00 for navy blue canvas slip-ons, and my flat heeled snow boots are about 25 years old!!!)

xxoo
Izzy

[Overcomer]

Izzy:  Maybe I missed it but how did you end up in your chair?

[Overcomer]

Also Joni is pretty well known in the Christian community as an author, speaker and artist.  She draws with her teeth.

[isittoolate]

hi OC,
A car accident when I was 30. The drip, who was my date, was speeding and lost control of the car... 90 mph skidded 975', rolling 3 times and my back was broken. He had the steering wheel to hang onto so was okay. I was 1 year is hospitals.

Izzy

[axa]

GS,

Interesting post.  I lost so much weight when XN was doing his gaslighting games with me but I am putting the pounds back on.  I do not want this to happen as I think they are some form of sheild.  It is bringing up big issues for me around hiding from the world.  I see my weight gain as another form of self abuse and my co dependant behaviour.  Now that I am back to my routine I am committed to working on taking care of myself and letting the functional healthy me kick in and take care of the struggling part which hides behind the pounds.  Thank you for posting this, good for me to name what is going on.

axa

[Gaining Strength]

Good for you Axa.  I am getting a little clarity on my recent weight gain.  It has to do with a little resistance to eating right and controllling candidiasis and, I suspect, hypoglycemia.  I really need to cut out refined carb and focus on protein but I have not had the determination until now.

I am realizing that I have framed EVERYTHING in my life in moral terms.  If something breaks, or wears out or something goes wrong, I take it as a moral judgement against me.  I do this unconsciously and then begin to shut down.  That applies to eating healthily and exercise.  When I slip up I process it unconsciously as a moral lapse and hear an inner voice saying, "Told you so."  As I become more aware of that nagging voice I will be able to challenge it.  I'm looking forward to that.

[gratitude28]

GS,
I understand this example so well on a personal level... after I gave up drinking, I started gambling a lot (we have slot machines here). I also ate at weird times (not out of hunger, but to quell a feeling). There were many other places my instability manifested itself in my life. It meant that while drinking was a problem for me, there were many underlying problems as well. Fortunately (and quite out of the blue) I found out about Narcissism and things started to click into place. And, while I still have bunches to improve in my life, all in all I am feeling a big sigh of relief and a settling of my behavior.To reiterate what we've said before here... sometimes all it takes is time.I truly think that you will realize on day that you are no longer wondering these things... that you have moved along. That is what happened to me. I remember thinking, "Am I happy? What does it take?" And now, that thought doesn't enter my mind. I am IN life now, and not trying to find the entrance.
Lots of love GS and the hope that the day will be soon when it all clicks for you!!!
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

Just went back and read through all the post... what a wonderful group of people ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))).

Deb, remeber danskin skits and you wore 'em with the leotartd tops???

Iz, I admore you so much for picking up and continuing to be the great person you are, with your awesome humor, even after having such tremendous change forced upon you. This may be a dumb question... and I can't remeber the age of your daughter, but did you have her before or after the accident?

GS, I still believe that everything is somehow attached to me too (blame-wise). Sometimes I have to really force myself to look at a situation and see what I can control and what I can't.

Kelly, I am so happy to hear from you always. It is so nice to see your progress in so many areas. How is your husband? How are you dealing with that relationship?

Axa, How are you doing with not smoking? That might contribute to some weight gain. Once things smooth out maybe you can do some walking and thinking and kill two birds with one stone - work your mind and your bod at the same time. Gee... maybe I ought to take my own advice

Love to all of you!!!
Beth

[Gaining Strength]

TT - your post has given me extraordinary insight.  Would you mind expanding this part just a little.  I can't quite grasp what you are saying here:
In my experience dealing with the functional me vs.  the "pseudo-self, was often defined by the last, however small thing I had done that was honest and true to the real ME I was growing.  Kind of like building a house with pebbles instead of bricks.  All I can say is keep at it.  Try to be conscious of who your real self is no matter how timid or small she is.

In short, I am hearing that if I feed that authentic self and starve the inauthentic that the former will grow.  But would you mind sort of repeating what you said above with  just a little more explanation.  Thanks - GS

[Hopalong]

TT,
This was one of the most staggeringly powerful and inspiring posts I've ever read.

Hops

[teartracks]

Hops,

There you go being gracious and sweet again.  I love every word you said!     Thank you...

teartracks

[Gaining Strength]

Teartracks - really - I echo Hops 100%.  Powerful, profound and so descriptive. 

I'm not sure where I am.  I am going to think about this and process what you've said and figure out what I want to post.  Thank you.  More than I can say. GS

[seastorm]

Dear Teartracks,

What you are writing about is so meaningful to me. It describes where I am these days ie. being born out of the ashes and resurrecting parts of myself that were lost. I can't quite differentiate the real self from the coper/pleaser but when I do it feels liberating.

Your words are very powerful and beautiful. Anything else you can say about this psuedo self and the lost self and how you bring forward one and extinguish or maybe lovingly lay it to rest, would be great.

love,
Sea storm

[Gaining Strength]

TT - did you activate the crash and burn or did it happen to you?  In the past two weeks I have been "pushing through" things because they are the healing thing to do rather than being paralyzed by the pain and condemnation.  That has helped.  I like the phrases you have used and will try them as well. 

My deep wounds have  increasingly left me unable to act.  In the past year I have finally been able to address this.  I have a very long way to go but I am moving in that direction.  I am slowly claiming functional self.

[Leah]

Dear Teartracks,

It was a pure delight and joy to read your most powerful and impacting expression, filled with encouragement and hope for others, of your recovery and healing journey to this present moment in time.

Very best wishes.

Leah xx