Who is the functional Me?

[teartracks]

Dear GS, Seastorm, Leah's
Rainbow,

Today is a long day at the dentist.  I ask for long appointments so it can all be done at one time.  Then I have church tonight.  But, I will be back.  Thanks for the kind responses.  More later.

teartracks

[isittoolate]

Hi TT

This:
" is it possible that you are at that place I described when I said that during the first year, I probably was neither a functional self or a coping self?  I can't put that place into words.  I guess the best description I can give it is 'survival mode'"

is where I think I have been all my live. I don't remember a 'coping mode' or functional mode

I remember at 5, though, in Grade 1, that I used all kinds of 'gimmicks' to remember what the teacher was teaching me. (I have a pattern for numbers that I've used to this day, that no one has seen before. Two therapists were intrigued with it, but now I see it is my survival pattern)

I am still in survival mode.

love
Izzy

[isittoolate]

Dear tt

Is the board helping you get deeper understanding?

I have definitely learned that I am more dysfunctional than I thought, and wonder how many relationships I have ruined because of the way I am.

Then that has led to my self-imposed solitary existence, to try to work on me.

At times I feel a bit sad, then angry, then shut down again to feel nothing.

Iz

[Gaining Strength]

I have definitely learned that I am more dysfunctional than I thought, and wonder how many relationships I have ruined because of the way I am. Then that has led to my self-imposed solitary existence, to try to work on me. At times I feel a bit sad, then angry, then shut down again to feel nothing.

Izzy - I have learned the same thimg about myself.  It definitely hurts but it also gives me hope because i was already pushing people away and not understanding AT ALL why.  Now I understand and I can FINALLY change those behaviors.  I am just emerging from a self-imposed solitary existence.  It is a little difficult because I don't have any friends and after such isolation don't really know how to meet and develop relationships but I chose to trust that it will happen.

When I start to feel regret I simply shut it off.  I find nothing positive in going down that way.  I try to switch into hope for the future.  It is a little dicey but I am determined to get to something wonderful.  I believe it for you as well. - GS

[isittoolate]

Good Post, tt

I surely hope I can accomplish this.

Did you ever doubt you couldn't? (my problem)

Off to bed and will be thinking on this.
xx
Iz

[reallyME]

GS,

I can relate to your struggle of seeing yourself as someone who is ACCEPTED and maybe even WANTED.

A couple people in my life have a habit, when they do something that they realize is maybe not very wise, of saying "oh just smack me."

My first reaction, being that I am the sort of person that I am (a bit intolerant of childishness in adults), is to roll my eyes and think "oh brother!"  However, after thinking a moment, I realize the statement is one that comes from a point of having been SHAMED most of their lives.  They feel that when they goof up, they actually DESERVE to be punished.  Then, my compassion kicks in and I say, "No, you made a mistake.  YOu do not deserve to be smacked or punished."

Their replies are usually something of "saving face" by saying "oh I was just kidding," or "That's just something I say." 

I am one who takes people's words VERY SERIOUSLY.  So, I tend to advise anyone who hangs around with me closely, that I will be listening for signs of shame, etc, and I will comment if I hear them too.

~Laura

[CB123]

 
 
whoami
Newbie

Posts: 21


    Re: Who is the functional Me?
« Reply #42 on: Today at 08:53:40 AM »   

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GS,

I can relate to your struggle of seeing yourself as someone who is ACCEPTED and maybe even WANTED.

A couple people in my life have a habit, when they do something that they realize is maybe not very wise, of saying "oh just smack me."

My first reaction, being that I am the sort of person that I am (a bit intolerant of childishness in adults), is to roll my eyes and think "oh brother!"  However, after thinking a moment, I realize the statement is one that comes from a point of having been SHAMED most of their lives.  They feel that when they goof up, they actually DESERVE to be punished.  Then, my compassion kicks in and I say, "No, you made a mistake.  YOu do not deserve to be smacked or punished."

Their replies are usually something of "saving face" by saying "oh I was just kidding," or "That's just something I say." 

I am one who takes people's words VERY SERIOUSLY.  So, I tend to advise anyone who hangs around with me closely, that I will be listening for signs of shame, etc, and I will comment if I hear them too.

~Laura
 
 
Laura,

Are you Whoami and ReallyMe? 

This is confusing because WhoAmI and ReallyMe have had conversations with each other on the board.   

CB

[reallyME]

sorry about this misunderstanding.  What happened was, I'm visiting whoami.  I accidentally posted and didn't realize it was in her name on her puter.  I wrote to Dr Grossman to ask him to delete the "whoamI" one that I posted, but apparently he didn't do it yet, nor get my message.

Again, please don't freak out everyone.  I (reallyME) posted that message but accidentally was in "whoami's" name on her puter, cause I'm visiting and helping her paint her house .  Sorry for the confusion.

Imagine how I felt when I realized that OOPS! THAT JUST WENT ON IN HER NAME! lol  I told her about it and did what I could to remedy the situation.

~Laura

[Leah]

"I'm Leavin on a jet plane..."

Hi All.

Just letting you know that I"m going to be visiting my spiritual Mom from March 9-19, so if you don't see me right away, posting, replying, that's what's goin on.  We are going to have a wonderful time of praying, shopping, painting her house, and just being together.  I am really looking forward to this.

Talk soon.

~Laura

Hi Laura,

What happened?  No holiday 

Saw you post on board yesterday.

Or are you taking a break from all that painting 

Leah



EDIT:  We posted at the same time.

[isittoolate]

TT

what is the crash and burn stage?

I've read that phrase a few times and wondered. Now I'm asking.

Thanks
Iz

[reallyME]

tt, I can relate to that stage as well.

I remember when X used to crack all sorts of jokes about me and I'd laugh along, not realizing it was out of cruel motives.  My crash and burn stage came when I went on meds.  Suddenly I noticed when I was the target of the jokes and I'd say something like "hey, that wasn't very nice."

X would say "Oh I didn't mean it that way...sorry you thought I did...you should know I'd NEVER do anything to hurt you...since you took it that way, there's nothing else I have to say about it."  (all in one sentence!)

[Gaining Strength]

TT - This has been such a dramatically powerful post for me.  I am actually finding some of those significant pieces of myself and learning to "move through" difficult stuff to a kind of freedom.  The coping me suppressed the shame that had been heaped on me as a child, the annihilation of growing up with N father and mother with N traits.  The ME did not exist and after my husband's death I did crash due to some medication that put me over the edge.  I realize now that I have been slowly putting those pebbles together over the past 10 months.  Just this week I have been able to move through things that I have been paralyzed from until very recently.  Now I have hope - true hope.  I am loving the image of picking up pebbles.  When I could see no other strengths, I did see in myself the strength of persistence, so the idea of rebuilding one pebble at a time does not frighten me at all.

I am rebuilding and your image and your sharing here has been a great boost.  I hope you will keep writing about this.  It is a true gift that is helping me stay encouraged and motivated to collect these pebbles and see value in them - rather than cast them aside.

Thank you - GS

[reallyME]

Hey Leah's

I took a bit of a break from the painting, yes.  Tomorrow I'm helping Mom paint another wall or 2 I think.  We were going to go to a prayer thingy, but it didn't end up working out.  I'm heading back home on Monday, ya'll, so will post more then I'm sure.

~Laura