Hello,
I have a friend of almost 40 years who has a full-blown clinical NPD. Fortunately, I do not live in the same state.
I realized this about 10 years ago, but even as a teenager, I knew something was wrong. This was evident if I spent any amount of extended time with him. Once, as teenagers, we took a trip to Florida for five days. By the third day, I actually swung at his chin, with full force (but missed), and I am not prone to aggressive behavior at all.
I have kept in contact over all of these years with an occasional phone call or a meal when I was in town, visiting my brother.
However…. About two years ago, just by coincidence, I was going through a divorce, and his mother died. We connected. I was at a vunerable stage in my life, and the NP came out, hungry for narcissistic supply (NS). It was not too bad because I was living in another state. After months of incessant phone calls, I was very clear, polite and firm. I told him that I was not going to listen to any more grandiose ideas but only wanted to hear what he had actually DONE. Second, I said that I did not want to hear about how I should run my life. He tried to persist, but I clearly stated I would immediately hang up if it continued. It was not a threat, and he knew it. Since then, almost two months ago, he has not contacted me. It was clear: The NS was cut off.
Now, I have three things on my mind:
First, I would like to maintain some contact because there were many good times, and he can be a pleasant connection to my past.
Second, I do have some pity. I am under no delusions that I can help or save him, nor do I want to. I do not have dependency issues or need to save people. I knew his mother with whom he lived until she died. She came from hell.
Third, I am pissed off and am seeking some small revenge. I know this may sound unreasonable, but I was sucked in and taken advantage of at a moment of weakness.
So, I have a simple plan.
I know him better than anyone on the planet. I will provide NS of the highest quality but only occasionally. I will be like the drug dealer who has the purest form of heroin but comes around only once in awhile.
I have sympathy for those who are in very intimate situations with people with NPD. In my small way, I believe that I can understand some of the pain and anguish. If I can feel this much anger at someone who is in another state, the horror of living with someone like that, especially if he is a father or spouse, must be a living hell. Good luck to all!
