N making up "illnesses" to avoid dealing with past

[Anastasia]

Am I alone in this that my totally selfish Nmother makes up illnesses or the old proverbial "I feel sick so leave me alone and don't ask me any questions" as a dodge when you try and attempt to get to the TRUTH of their many lies?  For instance, Nmother told me she knew for some time that she had a bad heart as the Doctor told her so a few years ago, so--for God sakes--don't get HER upset by hashing over the past anymore about when she allowed your stepfather to abuse you.  She is just so delicate, she said, in other words, that she just doesn't have the strength to cope with all this questioning and rehashing.  In other words, do not talk to Nmother about the abuse I suffered for years and years at the hand of my stepfather or Nmother's selfishness and cruelty.
Now, today, she forgets her lies about having a bad heart and braggingly tells me her new Doctor said she had the heart of a young girl.
Oh, how lucky I am since now she may be around a good ten more years.  Lucky, lucky me.....(as I sit beating my head with my closed fist)...how can one girl get so damn lucky they have a self-centered narcissist for a mother, I wonder?  (I AM being sarcastic, folks!)
Of course, I called her on this.  First, she denied ever saying she had a "bad" heart, and then, when she remembered her lie, she started giggling.  (She forgets her lies and always has.)
I am not the least bit surprised about this lie as it is per usual.
But, what I would like to ask all you guys is--do your N's do this alot, also?
Or is this just the behavior of Nmothers/fathers?  Is this a narcissistic trait?

[write]

I think its just one of the anomalies of narcissism- complete obsession to the point of hypochondria about one's own health ( often coupled with absolute refusal to take care of oneself in even basic ways ) and complete disinterest in the wellbeing of others, impatience with the sick or needy.

[Anastasia]

Write, in this case, she just friggin' lied so I wouldn't re-hash the past.  She has treated me horribly, knows it and doesn't want to hear me bitching about it.  She knows somewhere she has treated me terribly, but, since it doesn't affect her much, she doesn't give a shit and just doesn't want to hear it.  It bores her selfish self.
However, insofar as having no empathy or compassion for those that are ill, WOW!  That's my Mommy!  
Believe it or not, she was working in a hospital and her claim to fame was:  she could put quarters on someone's eyes when they died (to keep the eyes closed) and it didn't bother her at all.  Oh! What a surprise that was supposed to be?  Of course, it didn't bother her:  it wasn't her eyes.
She states she should have been a nurse as she would have been able to go in and sew someone up, and it wouldn't have any effect on her.  
The old Nmother knows herself, at least.
And, in all fairness, maybe this would serve her well if she were a nurse.  Some distance is what enables a nurse to survive all the horror, I would imagine.  Someone has to do this very necessary job...it just wouldn't be  me as nursing, to me, is what I would call really hard work (blood....yeeeewww icky!).

[cj]

Hi Anastasia,

Well I know my mother has done this a lot. I wouldn't go so far as the illness making up, and exagerating, but the frigility (in terms of 'emotional fragility') thing rings a bell big time.
One thing In particular as well is the convenient forgetting.
I'm still in two minds as to whether this forgetting is regret at saying said things BUT at the same time my mother has in her life apologised Twice to me for things in her life and no more, (maybe even Once actually now that I think of it!) I remember it clearly 'cos its the only time she has. She can't bring herself to do it. The one time she did it was totally out of the blue and after a fall out with her boyfriend, which makes it odd, and it probably wasnt her being really sorry, and crying for my sake at all, more herself. Although maybe she had a glimpse of what shed done and realsied, albeit breifly). She said 'I'm sorry if i've ever hurt you!' I said, 'you haven't' of course, on cue, without asking (realising?) myself if she had.....
One time in particular i recal me telling her i might not be able to work for a while due to being off sick with depression. She turned to me and said soemthign really shitty like 'well, you can get your self up to *******, then!!). ******* is the 'mental' hospital in my town!
This should probably have hurt me, but being emotionally numb it didn't, although it must have registered in some small way because i brought it up (her saying that) a while after, to which she denied ever saying it.  

Even now when i ask about my dad, whom I never knew, its all about her worry. I recal her saying to her bf on the phone after I said to her id want to speak about it some time in the future, the words....'I thought (when he asked me) , 'oh here we go!!! (in a *roll eyes* way)', like its getting in the way of her happy little life. Makes me mad.
She even said something along the lines of 'Whats brought this on?' I.e. 'Whats made you want to talk about that?' As if somethings spoiled the way thigns are, or 'whos put that idea into your head, when you were perfectly happy before?' (Haha, yeh like everythigns fine with me mum, except for countless meds, a ruined non-life, and 2+ years of therapy!) Yeh, whos been troubling ***** and making him think for himself and realise his feelings are valid???!!!!' How dare they!!!!
Grrr,!!!!!!  

[cj]

QUOTE: Yeh, whos been troubling ***** and making him think for himself and realise his feelings are valid???!!!!' How dare they!!!!

Actually that should've read, '.....reminded him he has feelings (even if hes forgotten or refused to acknowledge them up till now)), and is a person.'

[Barbie]

My mother is a hypochondriac.  She has thus far had everything and I mean everything checked out.  She brought her bills to me and wanted me to see which ones went to Medicare and which ones she needed to pay a balance on.  Anyway, I noticed it said jaw scan and head scan.  I looked at her and said "You had your jaw and head scanned?  why?" and she giggled and said "oh, did I?"

Anyway, she is such a hypochondriac that our local emergency room had a list of people they were to refer to regular clinic if they came in and my mother made the list.  She wasn't even embarrased.

My father died five years ago from lung cancer.  He was a wonderful person, hardworker and an excellent father.  Recently, last year, I believe, my mother came to my house to visit and told me she had lung cancer.  I stared at her for a few seconds and then told her "You do not," and she said "ask my doctor."  I said "well, give me his name and number" and she had this ugly little smile on her face and she responded "no."

Point being, if you are ill, my mother wants to be more ill.  If you tell her you don't feel well, she acts like she didn't hear you.

My father had bad knees before he died and was looking into some kind of knee surgery.  Now, my mother has bum knees.

[BlueTopaz]

Anastasia wrote:

But, what I would like to ask all you guys is--do your N's do this alot, also?  Or is this just the behavior of Nmothers/fathers? Is this a narcissistic trait?

My experience with an N boyfriend was the exact same.   That is, not feeling well (so discussion wasn't possible) whenever what I was confronting him with was hitting a truth for which he had no defense of, or couldn't emotionally acknowledge or face.  

He also frequently did the good old "I don't remember" when I'd try to resolve long standing issues I had with things that happened in our relationship.  

These things are defensive, diversion, and avoidance techniques, and I do believe they are a very common behavior in N's.   I've heard many similar stories from N partners.

[Portia guest]

Hiya Anastasia!

She states she should have been a nurse as she would have been able to go in and sew someone up, and it wouldn't have any effect on her.

“….because I’m so cold-hearted, I don’t feel anything, in fact I’m so numb I’m proud of it! So don’t ever try to get through my armour and appeal to my soft side because there isn’t one – mwah ha ha!” Hey, this is mine too.  

Thanks for the tip-off about the dodgy heart problem…now I don’t believe the same line from mine, there’s been no evidence, and when I consider she’s been buying illegal HGH and other rubbish off the net…well…it seems very unlikely! I didn’t even think it might be a lie.

Cj, a quickie:

She said 'I'm sorry if i've ever hurt you!'

this isn’t an apology, not if it included the word IF. It’s conditional – you have to admit that she’s hurt you and if you did, she’d probably disagree with you about the hurt, the situation…therefore, she’s not actually sorry at all. Tricky huh?   And

'well, you can get your self up to *******, then!!).

In my old neck of the woods it would have been ‘We’d better pack you off to Cheddleton!’ – local asylum, probably a housing estate now. Hey, such a caring mother you have, NOT.   Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. P