Childhood issues resurfacing

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks for the WOW, Hops.
CB123, I know you went through your own.  Your ability to get through that whole process is a very helpful model to me.  It will carry me far.  I am so very glad to hear about the good news on the Positive Thoughts thread.

I have just written a lengthy paragraph about where I am and with the touch of a key it all disappeared.  That has been happening alot lately.  It is some bizarre quirk with this keyboard and it is very maddening.

I am suffering from a terrible "lady" infection for 6 weeks that I have been treating as if it is yeast.  I have done a good job of eliminating caffeine and sugar, including all fruit and most carbohydrates.  I still have a few crackers and am working on that.  Besides diet I have been taking supplements to eliminate yeast and supplements to build my intestinal flora and yet I have had NO relief.  It is taking a small toll on me.  Top it off we have unbelievable pollen.  So think the entire city is yellow.  After a week my allergies have finally succombed.  My eyes are watering and nose running and I am fatigued and so very irritable.  All of which makes it difficult to move into a positive place.

I found this in a post on another site and think it may help me.  This is an idea from a Louise Hay book. To move beyond willpower and have things flow, you have to release the need for the thoughts that created the problems in the first place. Usually these are thoughts of not loving yourself or not deserving, and starting to love yourself is the first step.  I love the phrasing "need for the thoughts that created the problems" because it goes to some issues that I have talked about frequently here, foremost that need to be rescued which came to me as a child of a father who demanded complete controll.  I want to release that need.  And just yesterday the issue of self-criticism came up to me fully.  Here it is again.  Giving me a focal point.  Last night I reread something I posted to Izzy and it was essentially suggesting that she let go of her self-criticism.  A little projection on my part, a little "It takes one to know one" but in a way that is actually helpful to me.  It lets me know that it is a significant issue that I am coming into focus on.  And as  I write this I see that I dark place that brought me to write here is leading me through this issue into a brighter place.

Thanks all for your encouragement.

[Gaining Strength]

struggling today.  I am on a seesaw - one day up and another day down.  Since I got up this morning I have been fighting (successfully) the pull of depression. 

I have been learning very, very good techniques to continue through on my healing process.  I have started writing down things for each day that need to be accomplished or that touch my shame - rejection, condemnation button and holding those things in prayer for accomplishment.  Today during meditation I received an image of a machine that worked on a circular pump motion - digging down to my core, lifting up detrius and sending it out on the uplift, circling around to dig down again.  This image has been very helpful in scooping out the dark shadow of depression.

So glad I can share here.

I am disappointed that I am not further along in a material sense.  That my life is not freeer or easier yet but I am not giving up.  I will keep focus on thanks that my life is much better emotionally and the other will follow.  I gain such sustenance from reading about the struggles and successes of so many here and reading the cries for help because I can see hope in those places of desparation.  I am learning to turn that hope around for myself as well. - GS

[moonlight52]

GS ,

You have helped me a lot .Thank you....This quote rings so clear to me.
Still with the difficult situations we can find the way to move and make changes that are so hard.

Even through the pain there is always the light .Where we were we have moved beyond that is progress and this work does not need to be measured ,for me any
illumination I have received is most welcome.

So celebrate the good that can come our way.This perspective has led me to not be so hard on myself and in turn opens a way for good to manifest.
Dear GS  I am so glad the depression is successfully being RELEASED.

LOVE TO YOU !!

struggling today.  I am on a seesaw - one day up and another day down.  Since I got up this morning I have been fighting (successfully) the pull of depression. 

P.S I too have boxes to go through and I am taking it one day at a time and am thankful for small kindnesses that come my way....

moon

[Hopalong]

Hey GS,
I also see that miraculous machine as modeling the best way to deal with debris...

the literal, actual debris in your life. Your unconscious is eager to fire that machine up and get it chugging! (The other thing I thought of is that when I go on a sort of mellow physical autopilot, then it's a lot easier to go into discard and sort mode.)

Think of it as the Little Backhoe That Could...and you'll fill that dumpster.

As the junk empties and the dumpster fills, light and air....

love,
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Moon and Hops - I can't tell you how much it meant to me tonight to find your replies.  I really needed to hear from someone.  I don't know what is going on with me or why today has been such a struggle.  I am thankful that I know enough to identify it as a false brain trying to be depressed. 

Moon - some time ago I would not have found solace in the idea of finding good in a difficult time but now I see how that actually changes things from bad to good.  Now I believe it is the ONLY way to change things.  I am so glad you are around. I have missed you.  Thanks for saying that I have helped you alot.  That is the greatest gift in life is to have something, some kind of help to offer someone and have it received.  That gives me comfort.  Thank you.

Hops - you are taking that image and turning it into a concrete tool that I can use in addition to the psychological tool.  Thank you.  Your gift with wit and words has a wonderful power to it.  Thank you.