I Miss You Guys~~~~

[isittoolate]

~~~~but I am SO stuck in neutral that  I have nothing to say.

I wonder what that means?

I read all your posts of physical and emotional pain and cannot think of anything to say. I do think, 'Oh how awful', or 'Oh what jerks the Ns are', or 'Boy! I'm lucky in comparison to that', or 'Damned Spammers!"

~~ or did I go "into hiding' and am finding my way out???????

I feel so defective!

Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

Iz,
I go through phases of this too. I really think it is a good thing. Just hang out and enjoy neutral for a while. Or write a topic about some flowers you saw that day or a book you like. Doesn't have to be deep or anything. There are times, I think, when you just have enough of analyzing and overanalyzing and even thinking... I am starting to understand the whole part of War and Peace whne Tolstoy depicts Levin as working the fields and enjoying the wholeness of exhaustion from physical labor... and nothing else.
Love, Beth

[oc]

Miss you too.  You are not defective!  I need you, do you need me?  I think you do!  I love those hugs when I am at my wits end!  Tell us, we will be there for you!

[Gaining Strength]

not defective Izzy - not defective.  Numb is not defective - your FOO was defective in the love and nurturing department but that does not make you defective.

I have been trying out this EFT stuff.  It requires a regular testing of where you are on a reactive level to certain mental stimulus - I feel neutral thought I know I'm not.  I just realize that neutral is my way of numbing out pain and so I think of neutral as equivalent to pain with out the neural part. - GS

[teartracks]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Iz)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

tt

[Hopalong]

Hi Iz. Everybody.

Could neutral be peace?

And we just don't recognize that feeling?

Hops

[isittoolate]

Hey everyone!!!!

Hops:  neutral just might be peace--but not quite for me. I feel a certain contentment coming home to MY place and then doing what I will. Sometimes in there, thoughts pop into my head. One was "OMG Wednesday lands on Friday this week. Dammit!!"~~~ now figure that out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times, I think, when you just have enough of analyzing and overanalyzing and even thinking--well Beth, it seems to be that I have been guessing and analyzing all my life~~~ with no results~~~~just a head full of nonsense.  I see the flowers and take them for granted. There are so many here. I read my mystery novels and love the twists and turns!  --then return them to the Library and forget them. And I would never begin War and Peace because when I get to the end, I'd forget who was who and how it began!!

Thank you (((((((((((OC)))))))))))) I would really like to be of more help to others than I can muster. I get it all, been through it all, got out of it, and now am numb!

Thank you (((((((((((((GS))))))))))))) I suppose I'd rather be neutral than in excrutiating emotional pain, but you know what? I have NEVER been in excruciatating emotional pain, so that's why I think I was disconnected at a very young age.

Thank you for the Hugs ((((((((((((Teartracks))))))))))))))

(Today in therapy she wanted me to think of something peaceful that would 'wash' away the heaviness in my chest--well---y'all know I am crazy. I picture an ocean wave just a-barrelling along and ending in a big wave (rather hits a wall) that it's just gonna go backward and start all over again.  So I asked the Therapist if I "could have a hole in my side and let all that water flow out and not go back. She thought that was funny--never had that request before--but said I could have a hole for the water to flow through.--I'll always be different---or maybe I am all right and everyone else is "different?")

Well neutral isn't so bad--when I order a pizza!!

Love
Izzy

[sea storm]

Hey Izzy,

Neutral sounds ok. Better than in pain.
Sounds like you are discovering your uniqueness with the therapist and she is validating.

I like you however you are.  I happen to be bleeding all over the place these days and it is so hard to relate to when you aren't in that space. I appreciate that you care how I feel. that is the basic gift I need.
I get numb too. Absolutely zero to say but still want to cuddle and chat a little.

There is something nice about just sitting on the porch swing with a friend and not having anything to say.  We just do it here a little differently.

love,
Sea storm

[Leah]

Hi Iz. Everybody.

Could neutral be peace?

And we just don't recognize that feeling?

Hops

Hi (((((( Izzy ))))))

As Hops has said, may well be peace, you have made a start, you are working through, slowly.

Thinking of you,

Leah xx