I think a lot of people ( more so here than I remember in England too ) are worried to have anything asked of them frankly, this great Christian culture and sense of community is a bit of a myth. In England where there is much less religion and community I never was at a loss for help in times of difficulty. In fact people who never bothered with me would step up and be spontaneously kind. Here it's a taboo to need anything unfortunately.
People are worried in case others who need something become a nuisance or a burden but also it's insecurity- not wanting to see another side to life where things go wrong and people aren't perfect.
I'm waffling Hops but the gist is- it's not you.
It's perfectly legitimate to ask for help, and of course there's a chance people will say no or back off. They could say it with more grace and love of course...
The reaction to that is what triggers old feelings of insecurity or shame.
If she had said yes, i'll help you would have felt strong and empowered to have had the courage to ask.
Keep the courage to ask- for everyone who has nothing spare to give there is someone else who will gladly advise or sympathise.
As for single life, mine looks a lot brighter this week despite having checked my disastrous last month finances and they're low: one of my friends told me her sex partner pays to stay overnight, another went back to a severely abusive husband because she was worried about money...
How can women feel so disempowered to suffer so someone will take care of them- so lacking in a sense of what being taken care of means too, to think that financial security is so important. I'd rather muddle through with my independence and true security. It'll be okay even if I'm not well off, money is so little in the face of real stuff.
My ex offered me half of a windfall he just got, i graciously declined- it'll only be a source of irritation or pain later. I did say can I have a few hundred extra dollars over the summer to entertain our son, and he seemed pleased I'd asked for that. So there was a balance.
Frankly I'd rather take my precarious chances and wobble a bit from time to time than accept dependence in a wrong situation.
And don't worry about losing a friend- friends don't have to be perfect. I sometimes take a break if my projecting is getting in the way, or their issues are, and most of my friendships soldier on. The ones that don't were just for a passing season I guess! Or sometimes they come back way later.
Don't worry. You are loved.
Good luck with your business- you can do it!
***
For some feminist comedic relief I just got this in my inbox:
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale...
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said,
"NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did
whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more,
had many fantastic lovers and only cooked the things she liked to eat, and
always had money. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore
fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never
cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore,
and farted all the time.
THE END
