"You got the wrong person in therapy"!!!

[poetprose]

When I first started dealing with my baggage from childhood, mainly because i got ill myself, I remember for a long time
I would have thoughts such as "why me", why did i have to be born into such crap?...... or it is not fair?...  why do i have to be labelled "ill",  Or "YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON IN THERAPY"!  lol

did any one else have these thoughts , maybe not because of childhood issues but because of your mates etc?

if so how has those feelings been used to help you today
thx, Poet

[Overcomer]

Poet   I went to years of therapy and just within the last few months I realized that it was not I that needed counseling but my mom.  So when she suggests I do I boldly say "I am not the one who needs counseling!"

[poetprose]

Well unfortunetly for me ... I did, although it would have been nice to see my dad get help, actually my enitre family, but i have not control over that


I was just to "effected", here i was fighting my passed my whole life... running from the abuses, and I guess i could only run for so long before PTS caught up with me

My physcolgist said that it was good that i had a crash..... because it forced me to face some things that i needed to face

[Overcomer]

Oh I am not saying I did not need the counseling!  I did and probably still do but not when it comes to the dealings with mom.  I have done so much research and know that it is HER crazy making that fuels my anger and the best counsel is to get away from her and POOF I am cured!

[camper]

I have posted this before.  I am on my 4th counselor.  My H had me convinced I have problems(my only problem is him!).  I have told therapists that I am a horrible wife.  I disappoint my H so badly, make him so unhappy, can't live up to his expectations, I have a wall built up, need FOO counseling....  The last counselor wasn't a Christian so she was discredited in his eyes.  this time, he can't do that becasue I found a Christian counselor.  About 5 yrs ago, my H saw my ex-counselor whom he snowed.  My H told me how I was failing and this therapist helped him learn how to deal with me.     This guy was a psychologist!  He never once mentioned controlling or N. 

I have a session this afternoon.  I can't wait to go!  He talked about the concept of training a horse.  How you train a horse to jump a jump.  Every little step you get it to make, give it a sugar cube.  You reward the good behavior.  So I start my horse training today...more like my *ss(donkey) training. 

You know, my son is so perceptive.  Last night my H started to put feelings onto my sons basketball coach...that he was uncomfortable playing my him because blah, blah, blah.  My son says, "Dad, why are you saying he is uncomfortable...I didn't say that and how do you know he was, and how can you say that"....I wanted to jump up and down.  My son just amazed me with that statement.  I am trying to show my sons their dad's bad behavior and how to respond to it.  I show them how he threatens them with things he can't carry through with.  I have tried to get them to challenge him...see if he can carry through with it.

Poet...we do need help.  Help to stand strong.  We have no control over their poor behavior..we can only control ourselves!  If only they knew!

[poetprose]

>>>Every little step you get it to make, give it a sugar cube.  You reward the good behavior<<<<

that is how I treat my son...... actually it is working*... have faith, fight the good fight and good luck....HUG!!

[moonlight52]

The only  real change that can be had is changing self to fully look within and trying or worrying about changing others is just not going to happen unless the other person wants to change.

One way to find peace I believe is just to look within and then struggle ends.Then you are on your path of growth and are not taking on
guilt etc.

Some people just will never see that they have made mistakes and there are other's that think everything is their fought....
TRUTH maybe found somewhere on a balanced middle ground......pointing fingers etc (well in extreme danger this must be done)
but my emotional well being is my own responsibility no one else's .....
 
p.s I understand the struggle and still do struggle but I am not living against anything .......

[Hopalong]

I think a battle of wills as adults can be addictive.
Strong word and maybe inaccurate....

What I mean is, that sensation of fighting to the death because you CANNOT back down one inch or you'll dissolve/collapse/cease to exist...those battles I think are really with the self.

I was grinding my teeth over something at work the other day and my mellow coworker said, ja, well, don't sweat the small stuff...

I started to feel dismissed and then stopped and realized he was RIGHT. I was getting all fluffed up over something very minor, doesn't matter in either the little picture or the big one, and I could literally feel myself deflate, like there was adrenalin pouring into my shoes...

So what do I do now? Hmmm...look around for another thing to get worked up about? Fixate on something new? Hmmm?

When I asked myself those things, I was able to let it all go and refocus.

It's conscious work sometimes but I felt ready. I do feel ready. I feel ready to be happy, so when I'm not looking    I often find I AM.

love
Hops

[moonlight52]

Hops,

Yes that good attitude goes for internal as well as external all the same perspective
maybe and looking too hard either way can cause turmoil ..

Being ready that comes yes ...

love to you

moon

[dandylife]

I totally agree with the concept of focusing only on yourself and what you might need in therapy, in life, whatever (except of course when you have children, then they are most important too!) But what I mean is: if you get therapy, work on yourself and change the way YOU deal with issues, other people, your significant other, ANYTHING, EVERYTHING, then the dynamic automatically changes, too. Then they need to adjust how they deal with the new YOU. So, you become more knowledgable, have better boundaries, be more assertive, KNOW what you want, have outcomes, goals, be moving towards them and having action. Whoever wants to come for the ride, jump in! If not, they will be left behind. That must be the attitude of success in therapy. You are moving on, damn the damn ones who would hold you back! When you change for the better, your WORLD changes for the better. There is no down side (short-term, it's tough) but long-term, it's all good.
Dandylife

[axa]

Hops,

Interesting post, have been thinking about what you wrote.  I am shifting from wanting to be "right" towards being happy.  Much easier way to live.  Still get hooked on the old battle of wills stuff, but not so much. THank you for bringing it up.

axa