A recent encounter with my mother led me to this board. I've been reading many of the posts, both past and present. Some of them make me laugh, thinking, I know exactly what that person is saying. And some of them make me feel the familiar anger.
I will just type random thoughts as they come to me, and I would love to read about others' encounters with your N parents or "loved" ones, too.
Do any of you deal with an N parent who is obsessed with God, preachers, or religion? Does it make you ill to hear them talk about being a Christian or to hear them talk about others when they can't see the hypocrisy in themselves?
Being that I am in the process of extracting myself from an organized religion for the past couple of years, I especially find my N mother's religious talk to be irritating to my soul -- like a cheese grater on raw skin.
Also, she has grand ideas. I must say, before I go any further, that she has not been diagnosed by a professional, but silently, by me. And having lived with the woman and having to sort through childhood crap and having done much self-reflection and observation of my family dynamic, I feel qualified to say that the woman has this disorder -- or something akin to it. I bet many of you are nodding your heads because you know what it's like to have to be a step ahead of these people, which causes a paranoia in yourself and an insanity that overtakes you.
Okay, so back to these grand ideas. What does that mean, exactly? I'm just beginning to look into this disorder, although at the times she was making me intolerably insane, I was researching schizophrenia. Does "ideas of grandeur" mean general ideas of ridiculous things, or does it have solely something to do with wealth and power?
For example, just one of her ideas: her husband and all his family are into the occult or are some sort of witches. Of course, she hates her husband, but she won't leave because she can't take care of herself financially. When she did have a steady job, she didn't stay for long because all her co-workers were against her in some way.
When she does have "friends," they are all older women. In my many ponderings, I have come to believe that these women represent some sort of mother figure to her, as she was deprived a mother both in physical and emotional presence. Usually, there is a "falling out" with people to whom she becomes intimate.
And here is something I've read here and as some of the posters say, they can't believe they think it or say it, but these people drive you into madness and sadness. It's as though there's no hope for them and you can't escape them, ever. So the only escape you have is death. And as sad as it makes you, sometimes you just wish they could find their peace in it, or you in your own.
I have many thoughts, but I don't want to make this post too lengthy, so I'll continue later.
