Routine

[axa]

This is one of my big pitfalls.  I hate routine.  I struggle with discipline.  I think of Hops and her paper work.... well heres looking at you sister.  I will do anything to avoid the mundane tasks of life.  I think this is linked in some way to my Nattraction.  They tend to be "exciting" did I say exciting, well initially they are, people.  I really want to learn to work with a rythm in my life.  When I get stuck into something I can really enjoy it but the least little distraction sends me off on a tangent.  I am sitting in a room with about a thousand post it notes on the wall of tasks I need to do and here I am posting to you guys to avoid it.

I know I can get things done, I do it all the time but there is something about sailing close to the wind, being on the edge.  Does this make sense to anyone else. 

I have made a commitment to running daily, my knees gave up the other day, so now I am walking.  I can connect with the payoff which is a great feeling when I come home and shower and that keeps me disciplined about the exercise but struggle so much with the ordinary things. 

I think this is more than being disorganised.  It is linked someway to the chaosis I bring to my life with Ns......... just know it but dont understand it.  I was brought up in a crazy household where there was little order and predictibility but tired of living this way. 

Sometimes I wonder do I keep the disorganisatin around me because if I get everything organised what do I do then?  Maybe its linked to some fear about there being nothing after all..........HELP, would appreciate thoughts on this.

axa

[axa]

Dear CB

Thanks for the reply.  Oh boy do I procrastinate.........queen of...  Well, I got in my walk this morning, in sunshine and am about to hit the shower and sit at my desk and WORK.

Reading your post I am thinking again it is the "child" part of me which does not want to take responsiblity.. to muddle along and see what happens.  It is about taking care of me and I am still struggling with this.  its like a form of self sabotage, did not get that until just now.  I want someone else to sort everything out, make it ok, well, wise up Axa girl that aint gonna happen.  Ok will log off here and get working.

xxxxxxxxxx to you as always,

axa

[cats paw]

Hello, Axa-

    I just wanted to say I am really glad you posted this and I will revisit it and post later.

Thanks-
 
cats paw

[Hops guest]

Hi Axa,
I'm trying to catch up and realize it's not possible, but wanted to plunge in quickly here to just say THANK YOU. Your description of the inner battle against routine was so comforting, made me feel less like a social mutant.

For what it's worth, I swear the SAM-e dietary supplement I've been taking since someone mentioned it here (can't recall who but thank you!!!) -- I think it had a secret "pick up yer damn papers and start putting them where they go" ingredient.

I really am kind of astonished that I have made this headway. What's more, I've been keeping it up for a whole week.

I think the other part is that my little side business idea has brought me joy and a reason to get up and feel excited about my life again (and a very compelling reason to get organized as well, or I'd screw it all up).

hugs,
Hops the Reformed Pig

[camper]

What's wrong with hating routine??????  I hate having things scheduled.  Leaves time for the things I really want to do at the last minute.

[axa]

Camper,

I think for me it is a sympthom of how I sabotage myself.  I know when I stay on top of things I feel satisfied and more grounded.  I am aware that I push myself to the edge about most things, whether it is turning in a paper, report, tax return etc.  I get sidetracked very easily and push aside what I need to do to keep order in my life.

I posted this because I think it is connected with my relationships with Ns.  The chaois and excitement draws me in and I neglect my own needs.  Hope this makes some sense.

Hops,

Glad to see you are getting on top of things.  I am also thinking about setting up a new business, my fear is that I will get excited and not follow through on the mundane parts of the planning.  New adventures for all of us.

Hope you are doing well with your business.... great to see you back MISSED YOU so much

axa

[Hopalong]

Thanks, (((((((((((Axa))))))))))))). I missed you too!
If a poster stops posting in the forest... 
But as Lupita and Storm reminded us, it's good to be missed!

Axa, you remind me of something--part of the joy of my business idea is that it's very personal and imaginative. And the practical elements will bring me into touch with people, regularly. So I hope I can keep the balance. The super-tedious parts...can't think of any except accounting stuff (the most important, natch).

Nothing has really happened yet. I have ordered a lot of basic elements and am consulting with people who've done it and getting my ducks in a row. The filing system's set...and I'll likely need QuickBooks.

I just had a fat personal tax bill, owwww, so I may have to postpone my "launch" (picture a kid blowing the crinkled paper off a straw, not so much a rocket ship). But I'm not bothered. I'm busy with the dream and the step-by-step parts will come as they're able.

Hope you're doing really well Axa, full of hope if not routine...

Hops

[cats paw]

Hi Axa-

  I am a fellow procrastinator.  I detest housework because it never goes away.  In that sense, I hate routine and discipline, too.
When it's work related, I'm ok as far as doing routine, mundane things that might unfortunately come with every occupation.  I don't like them, but I do them.

  Your take on the exciting N is interesting.  I remember some of what you talked about (good riddance to him and good for you BTW)- but I don't remember if you've had difficulties in your FOO?
 
   I don't know if you or anyone else has experienced this, but sometimes I'll make plans and when it comes time to physically carrying them out, I resent that I made them in the first place.  It's not a matter of being overscheduled either. 

  When I was a child, helping my grandma do the dishes was infinitely different than helping my mother do the dishes- as was any household chore I helped with or needed to do.

   For me, there are aspects and layers.  A big part of it is the fear of not doing something right, not being able to complete it, throwing something important away when it comes to paperwork.  It's all garden variety stuff that I've read about in procrastination books.  CB made a very important statement similar to what I've been realizing- at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why I'm procrastinating,  I know I need to think like the Nike ads-  no-  make like the Nike ads, but this is when I get angry and childish and I stamp my feet and say I don't have to!!!

   Maybe you are on to something Axa- the "forbidden fruit" ?  That is what just came up for me as I was typing and letting myself feel the "I don't have to!!!"

   Thanks for posting this and let me ramble on with my thoughts "out loud".

    I think you and Hopalong are very brave for starting your own business!

cats paw