Suicidal

[Bones]

The "Bystander Effect" also irks me as well.  As a child, I've watched the adults around me, in my FOO, do the same thing while other relatives attempted and/or completed suicides.  In a few sick situations, some of these idiots actually egged them on and then shrugged their shoulders after the person died.  To add to it, these same idiots then wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong because in their N-world, it didn't exist.  It made me so angry!  Even though I am training to become a psychologist, I am also painfully aware of my limitations and know when to defer to a licensed therapist.

I just don't want to see the history of my FOO repeated.

Bones

[Hopalong]

Thank you so much, Anonymous, for caring to let us know.
Any other updates you can offer on Jac would be gratefully received.

Many of us have been in great distress worrying about her.

Thank you again.

Hops

[messenger]

Hops - (from jacmac)

If it is not too much troulbe, please tell Hops that I am holding on, with God's grace.

[isittoolate]

messenger

Are you Jacmac?

Izzy

[messenger]

I am not Jacmac.  I am a regular poster here though.  In spite of the risk of being dramatic by using a hidden name, I am doing that just to keep personality out of it, for my sake.  I apologize for that.  I do think that bringing notes from Jac like this has a real downside but I have chosen to do it for two reasons.  First because I could see that some people were genuinely concerned about Jacmac because of her lead post on this thread. And second because I bumped into her on another web forum where she was using the same name Jacmac to post.  I PMed her there and she responded.  I asked permission to convey a couple of messages and she agreed.

I think in part that by being an anonymous messenger  I am perpetuating the drama that started however long ago and I apologize.  I am going to go out on a limb and explain that one of Jac's earliest and deepest wounds was triggered by activity on the board and she reacted.  Her reaction began to snowball and got out of control.  Once things got going it sort of took on a life of its own and things spiraled out of control.  The connection to the experience here and early, excruciatingly painful wounds were all too overwhelming.  Apparently, it was like being back in that terrible place with no way out. 

I think I have said enough now and will close the book on this so all can be at rest.  While I plan to let this be my last post on the board I will offer to communicate via PMs if you have a question.  Thanks for not expressing frustration or disappointment with my decision to post anonymously - I am aware of the shortcomings of my actions but hope that the benefits  outweigh the downsides.

[isittoolate]

Thank you messenger,

I needed to know.

xx
Izzy

[reallyME]

Izzy, glad it made sense to you.  I couldn't understand what messenger was talking about.  That is one of the problems with not mentioning situations, names, etc...sometimes, it makes very little sense. 

[Overcomer]

Has anyone heard from Jac?  I was perusing the past threads and thought of her!!!

[gratitude28]

Kell,
You and I must share a brain. I was going to start a thread to Jac today.
If you are out there, Jac, I hope you are doing well and feeling better. I also hope you know that you will always be welcome here.
We are not the people who hurt you before and we do have compassion for you.
Take care and good wishes.
Love, Beth

[reallyME]

I am wondering where Jac is at as well.  I pray you are ok, Jac...come back when you are ready. You are cared about.

I was wondering if people might be interested in some info about suicide, since this is the title of the thread.  We learned about it in Class and it's good info to have in order to help someone who feels so depressed that they just want OUT of this world and their pain.

Blessya,
Laura

[sea storm]

Dear Jac,

I hope you feel loved and cared for after reading all these posts. Sometimes it is hard to get the word out that one needs help. So hard to do this when the pain is too great.

You have been to hell and back. Your childhood was so terrible and you were so vulnerable. I hope that you can connect with survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The board here is good but people in the real world can help too. This doesn't mean that you are not totally welcome to post. We are all equal here.  That is reality. Some people may seem more powerful or whatever but really they arent. This is the beauty of this place. YOU ARE WELCOME HERE.
I know how it feels to be triggered and feel rejected and shunned. I get into that place quite often. I know how it feels to be suicidal and I get into that place too. Lately, it is less and I can feel hope again. But I am not so far from there that I don't know the pain and hopelessness of that place.  So please, when you feel that blackness overwhelm you, reach out for help. Write on line and the troops will surround you with their cloak fo protection and love. Call the crisis line, go to the emergency ward. Just ride out the storm and it will pass even if it feels like it will never be over. It will and you can get through it with support.


Love
Sea storm