"Well, I'm NOT gonna lie to ya...."

[DivineSunshine]

"Well, I'm not gonna lie to ya....blah, blah, blah."  My NH has taken this new phrase into his way of speaking to me.  Says it all the time.  So, I am left thinking.....why is he phrasing everything like this now????   As if he has been lying all along and now he wants me to think he isn't?  WTH?

If that isn't revealing himself I don't know what is!

Another one he likes to say is---"To tell ya the truth...."

So I guess they need to categorize their statements like this to----ummmm---make themselves feel better?  Feel as if they are telling the truth when they aren't?  This is the only time they AREN"T lying? 

Anyone else have their N use phrases like this?  I don't believe anything he says anymore, but I find it funny he has taken to phrasing his statements to me like this. 

Another fantastic week with my N!  But I am walking with only ONE crutch now.  I might need the other to knock some sense into him!  Thinking about it!

Rolling my eyes and shaking my head,

Sunny

[debkor]

Sunny,

Oh yes I have had them both said to me.  Maybe it's a universal thing with N's.  I'm not going to lie to you, which means I a lying to you or I'm not lying which means I am lying, especially when they are the ones who initiate it. You never asked if they were lying.

And to tell you the truth means it's not the truth. I also got, you see you can't handle the truth.  You ever get that one?

I actually think that the false self is trying to keep the real self (shut up)!  Like the phases are for themselves.

I read what really me wrote and it is really true.  They tell on themselves. 

Wait, wait,  how many of you got this one?  Well that really is not me?  I really am not like that?  I would never of done things like that before, or after, or now, or next week, or yesterday, or as I speak.  Never is the real them, they are really not like that.  You make them like that.
Well if it came out of their mouths, their bodies then who the *hec* was it?  Well it was me but not really.  I'm really a nice guy.  So what exactly are they admitting too?  Their false self? Their real self?
It is, as if, they live backwards.
WTF!

Love
Deb

[isittoolate]

hiya

I use
"Well to tell you the truth" a lot

and it's usually followed with "I don't know"!!

Izzy

[Hops guest]

Hey Iz...
That's different. 

Reminds me, though, of a support group I was in once, when a woman would say in a frail tentative voice, "I don't know..." and the Amazon leader would lean forward, gently but firmly take her by the wrist, grab some serious eye contact and say firmly:

"If you did know..." (and we'd all wait in silence)

And do you know, the person usually DID know their own answer. Just needed safety and space to get to it.

Hops

[camper]

My H has absolutely no common sense....and I have been meaning to ask you guys how that plays into all this...but...If I ask him why he did this or that, he always replies, "I didn't know" that seems to let him off the hook except for the fact that he really did know.  He loves to play stupid.  A defense mechanism. 

[pennyplant]

If my mother has doubts about something her husband says, she asks him, "Give me your word!"  And then he will answer, "I give you my word!"  And then she believes it, whatever it is.  Well, I guess she believes it.

PP

[Overcomer]

My mom uses the same "catch phrases" all the time.  Not truth statements but very redundant things.  I cannot even think of one now but I truly want to jump across the table and wring her neck after I have heard them 1000000 Times!  Oh I know, she says "I do not want to work in the business I want to work on the business"  What does that mean exactly when you do not know the first thing about working in the business?

[isittoolate]

hiya

I use
"Well to tell you the truth" a lot

and it's usually followed with "I don't know"!!

Izzy

This was meant to relate to when the therapist asks me a question about my feelings, or lack thereof--but I am not stupid, nor am I trying to be dishonest. I am signifying that I need help in digging out the truth.
Izzy

[Hopalong]

Sure. There are loads of totally appropriate times to say, "I don't know."

((((()))))

Hops Who Doesn't Know

[Sheeeva]

I always got "I cant tell you the truth cause you would get mad." then after months of LYING then the truth would come out, cause he wouldn't be able to remember what lie he told, I would get mad about all the LYING, then he would say....SEE I TOLD YOU IF YOU KNEW THE TRUTH YOU WOULD GET MAD!!!!! Compulsive liars cant tell the truth!

[axa]

Hi guys,

IMO they are pathological liars.  At one stage with XN I had such a strong feeling that there was something going on that I did not know about.  I tried to talk to him about this.  He held my hand, looked in my eyes and softly told me "I would never betray you"....... fast forward six weeks and he is having sex with his x.

Bottom line, assume EVERYTHING they say is a lie.  Once I started to see this I realised that I did not want anything to do with someone who made a game of telling lies.

axa

[Hopalong]

I always got "I cant tell you the truth cause you would get mad." then after months of LYING then the truth would come out, cause he wouldn't be able to remember what lie he told, I would get mad about all the LYING, then he would say....SEE I TOLD YOU IF YOU KNEW THE TRUTH YOU WOULD GET MAD!!!!! Compulsive liars cant tell the truth!

Oy, I recognize this one. Sheeva, this lose-lose pretzel made my teeth hurt.

(From gnawing on your ex's head...) 

Hops