mood swings

[write]

I'm still struggling with big mood swings- extremely positive one hour, very down the next.

Anyone know any techniques for dealing with this?

Tomorrow h moves out, I know I can expect it to be emotional for us all. It's what we all want and need, yet still sad things didn't work out.

[write]

thank you jacmac, yes I will chill I think.
This is a twenty-two year relationship, grieving is inevitable.

It's amazing when you have kids how often you surpress your emotions for them though.

H is the same re mood swings, but for him its all very positive, he's feeling better than he has for years because he's finally adressing his n problems ( with an excellent psychiatrist & ad s )

I've been so much wife and mother lately and so busy I haven't realised how much my own feelings are welling up.

Tomorrow night I'll be on my own and be able to just 'be' and let them out.

[lynn as guest]

Hi Write,

I'm presently ending a 23 year relationship and wanted to post to tell you that I understand how you feel.  It is difficult to be perfectly clear on anything personal when you have invested so much time in your family.  How many times did you put your feelings aside for the benefit of your family?

If it's taken you 22 years to reach this decision, then I am guessing that it is a very thoughtful choice.  You're doing the right thing.  When he is no longer present in your day-to-day, it is easier to remember how YOU feel.

Stay strong,

lynn

[surf14]

HI Write;  Its very normal to feel what  you're feeling and important I think not to supress the feelings.  You may do a lot of crying and that's a good thing; let the tears flow and get it all out.  The sadness will stick around for awhile; you don't have to get caught up in it if you don't want to everytime but you can just take note that, "oh, here it is again, the sadness", and acknowledge to yourself that its back.  That's a long time to be married and you'll grieve what didn't go right  and how things didn't turn out. On the other hand what a breath of fresh air for youand a chance for a whole new freedom with lighntess and joy.  Spend sometime with nurturing people and maybe some time in nature as nature is very healing.  Surf

"In life pain is inevitable; suffering is optional".    
 

[Anonymous]

Divorce and separation for me was a heart and life built together, split in two. How can this not create pain and instability? The landscape I knew and came to accept as my life has been altered permanently, and a big part of it has disappeared.

I'm reminded of a brief line in a kids movie that affected me deeply.

The little mouse is lost and seperated from his loved ones, feeling fear, grief, anxiety and unsure of the future.

He says to himself "I feel this great hole, this great emptiness inside myself."

Then he pauses and says, "I wonder what was there before?"

So I asked myself, "What was there before this person came into my life? Why didn't this hole, this emptiness exist before my life became entwined with my partner? What was instead of this vacuum, previously?"

My answer for myself was, "Me", meaning my youth, vitality, optimism, plans, dreams and friends."

I gave a lot of "Me" away in those 'relationship' years, "The 'We' Years". And the parts I didn't give away, I think I simply neglected and allowed to die. So I saw our separation as a confronting moment, and what I thought was grieving for as a 'window of opportunity' to save "Me". The "Me" that I was left with, and I knew had to build on that.

I was a different 'animal' to one I was before I entered the experience of living with someone with NPD. For a start, there was a lot less of me, but what had survived was good and strong and powerful.

That's what I'm building on now. The emptiness I felt was for the most part self-created. The dreams and illusions I had re the other person, had been mostly of my own creation. The sacrifices I'd made I'd made willingly in hope of ideal responses. So, for me, it was timely and good to lose this way of being.

Wishing you all the best.

Guest

[Guest 1]

Guest,   Your post was beautiful and well said.  Thank you.

[write]

thanks everyone.
I'm ok, rather drained.

I do have a life and will keep building myself up, filling the gaps I missed through the years.