A vent here-- in my naivete--

[isittoolate]

One of my problems is not being able to label my emotions, since I am so out of touch with them, or wondering when I take a ‘wrong spin’ on a topic.

I mentioned that my brother and sister coming to see me on a Saturday/Sunday in August, after 2 weeks of horse-back riding in the Rockies—just a flight in overnight, flight out very early Monday  (taking the airport shuttle they said) to the main flight then away back home.

We he first mentioned this about Xmas time, I told my brother I could pick him up at the airport. Then my sister joined the party so he won’t be alone and I said Damn! (His wife had hip replacement surgery and is not allowed to ride!) (I told the therapist this and she sucked in her breath.)

I don’t have room to put them up but they‘ve booked a B&B for their time here.

Today I received an email from him with life updates and it was ended by saying the people at the B&B will pick them up at the airport, then he will call to say what time they will be over to my place.

What am I, ear wax? Why can’t I have the privilege of picking them up, driving them to the B&B to check in, then all come back here?

This is likely one of these “too little information” misunderstandings, and all I can think of is that between them they have too much luggage for my ca: a full 2 weeks away from home.

But that wasn’t my first thought. If he thinks they are putting me out, then they shouldn’t be coming in the first place!

Neither is an N. They were just born to the same parents I was. Sister is the one who had my daughter for 2 months and brought only the once. We fought/talked that out, about 10 years ago.

Brother came only once when I was in hospital but did try to go find the driver (my date) and beat the crap out of him at the time of the accident. Lucky he didn’t though as he had just become an OPP and would have ruined his career.  He is also one I had to ‘remind” to reserve me a parking space in his driveway, as everyone raced for the driveway and I parked down the street and had to carry my pasta salad on my head, for 1˝ blocks. Then it sunk in. I got the driveway.

Thanks for listening!
Izzy

[isittoolate]

hi CB,

One would think that. However, they know no one else here in my city, The B&B people are total strangers and I'm wondering if that old jealousy, "you like them better than you like me" thing is involved.  Waaaaa Weep weep--or if they told the B&B people that i am old and in a wheelchair and they are afraid of my driving----- I hate life!

It's about a 20 minute trip to a smaller airport. I suppose I felt I would be doing my share by picking them up, and driving them to the B&B, about 5 minutes from me --as far as their taking the shuttle back is because their leaving flight is about 7:00 a.m. and I'm still trying to get to sleep then.

Just what is the etiquette involved here anyway?  They plan to come so they make all their plans and not put me out?

My N sister was here in 2003 for 2 weeks. I saw her 3 times. She and her hubby (2nd) were visiting his 2 daughters as well. I bought FOOD and she always told me her plans so I never had them for dinner, never had a chance to ask--but then she is the controlling N.


Thank you for this
" I would view this turn of events as their attempt to be more sensitive to putting you out than they have been in the past."

Love
Izzy

I haven't taken a vacation since 1981--so I forget how it is done!

[WRITE]

Hi Is,

I love it when people make their own arrangements, I am so burned-out at being responsible for other people.....but I also do get brief moments of 'what if they don't really love/want me insecurity' which is what this sounds like.

It'll be a much happier visit if you relax and enjoy the times you meet and let them plan their own schedule & go with the flow.

This is hard for me to do sometimes, I like to know what's expected/ coming up but I do know that others prefer spontaneous and less pre-planned.

I would be happy to see someone 3 times in 2 weeks also, but I can see it would be disappointing if you wanted to do more and cook dinner and didn't get to.

My s-i-l is visiting over the summer and given that our situation is awkward with the divorce I just asked ex outright whether he wants me involved and what he'd like me to do if anything.

[isittoolate]

Hi Write,

Yep! This is likely just me and my FOO insecurity, rearing its ugly head, the black sheep, the outside-looking-in-one.

I haven't seen these two for about 10 years now, same with the eldest sister too.

In this case, they are here to see ME, and my little City, but we can't do too much on a Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday, after I get up at 10:00, and at least they didn't choose to bunk here and be all over my floors blocking my way.

I just know I was surprised that my brother had discussed arrangements re the B&B strangers picking them up at the airport, so it blew what's left of my mind.

Ah well, a few days past 3 months from now and it will be history!

Thanks
Love
Izzy

[debkor]

Izzy,


I don't know maybe they are just trying to be nice and not put you out too much. Let them get there how they want and just enjoy the day/night with them.  That is what it all about being together. 

Sometimes I think myself into things that were not really what I thought.
Did that make sense?
I have been in the sun all day. Wish I was into Axa's cooking sherry.

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

Ja, Iz...

As much as you can, be in the present moment with them.
Whether it's short or long or here or there.
When you're with them, just be in the moment.

I bet you'll have a happy time.

After they go, you can feel the past and the future. Think about all that.
But for now, hey, family's coming to see you and you'll be together in some of the present.

love
Hops

[isittoolate]

Hiya Deb and Hops

All I needed was some common sense responses and to agree with Deb that I, too, 'sometimes think myself into things that were not really what I thought.

....and to "Live in the moment"  as it too will pass, and when they go home they'll have aged 3 hours!

Thanks all
Izzy

[gratitude28]

Hi Iz,
In reading through your full descriptions here, I would tend to believe that they were trying to be kind and cause you as little trouble as possible. In doing that, though, they maintain control of the situation. I think, giving your shared past, control might be an issue you all struggle with. Also, just like you, I am quick to feel hurt when something of that nature happens to me and I analyze it to death .
I think you will have a nice time with your brother and sister. Please don't assume there is a snub... especially knowing how quick we are to assume snubs
Love, Beth

[isittoolate]

Hi Beth,

Yes the word 'control' came to mind, (no wonder as you guessed at that too) when brother said they would call when they were coming over---then I outhought myself again and wondered if they would spend the whole afternoon at the B&B then I told myself to be quiet................... and I was................. but that doesn't mean I have stopped thinking!

If they're coming to see me, then don't make me wait!!!!!!

I've been analyzing things to death since my teens. My brain is tired!

Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

Here's a sweet family story you will enjoy...

One year I was coming in from Japan to America for school and to see my parents (it had been at least two years since I had seen them). My mother informed me nastily that they were on vacation and not to expect them to pick me up. My sister had a week off with her boyfriend and told me she didn't have time for me. My friend, who was going to pick me up called last second to say she couldn't. My sister came because she and her boyfirend had been fighting. I had no desire to see her, but she said she was coming to my friend, so I had no say in the matter.

It's hard being worshipped and adored.

Love, Beth

[isittoolate]

Bethie

That was worth a roar of laughter here!  Yes! How do you stand it?

Thanks
Love
Izzy

[gratitude28]

Girl...
Lately I stand it less and less. I told them they can come visit us this summer. I am not going there. I feel so much better having made that decision.
Love, Beth

[isittoolate]

To wind this one up, for now, I responded to my brother and ended with:

"The B&B people sound very helpful, but let me know if you require my services."

Some things require "sitting on" especially after running them by my Friends on the board!

It's hard to believe his email arrived just yestersday---seems like a whole week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks everyone
Love
Izzy

[Margo]

One of my problems is not being able to label my emotions, since I am so out of touch with them, or wondering when I take a ‘wrong spin’ on a topic.

I mentioned that my brother and sister coming to see me on a Saturday/Sunday in August, after 2 weeks of horse-back riding in the Rockies—just a flight in overnight, flight out very early Monday  (taking the airport shuttle they said) to the main flight then away back home.

We he first mentioned this about Xmas time, I told my brother I could pick him up at the airport. Then my sister joined the party so he won’t be alone and I said Damn! (His wife had hip replacement surgery and is not allowed to ride!) (I told the therapist this and she sucked in her breath.)

I don’t have room to put them up but they‘ve booked a B&B for their time here.

Today I received an email from him with life updates and it was ended by saying the people at the B&B will pick them up at the airport, then he will call to say what time they will be over to my place.

What am I, ear wax? Why can’t I have the privilege of picking them up, driving them to the B&B to check in, then all come back here?

This is likely one of these “too little information” misunderstandings, and all I can think of is that between them they have too much luggage for my ca: a full 2 weeks away from home.

But that wasn’t my first thought. If he thinks they are putting me out, then they shouldn’t be coming in the first place!

Neither is an N. They were just born to the same parents I was. Sister is the one who had my daughter for 2 months and brought only the once. We fought/talked that out, about 10 years ago.

Brother came only once when I was in hospital but did try to go find the driver (my date) and beat the crap out of him at the time of the accident. Lucky he didn’t though as he had just become an OPP and would have ruined his career.  He is also one I had to ‘remind” to reserve me a parking space in his driveway, as everyone raced for the driveway and I parked down the street and had to carry my pasta salad on my head, for 1˝ blocks. Then it sunk in. I got the driveway.

Thanks for listening!
Izzy

You can always call back and say you'll be there to pick them up.... the B&B can take their luggage!  Margo

[Overcomer]

Is:  My h and I have two completely different takes on this kind of thing.  In my family we would all pick up at the airport and hang with each other 24/7.  In his family we would rent a car, check into a hotel, kick back for the evening and watch some tv.  We would get up and take it easy and them maybe meet his parents for lunch.  Obligation over for day one.  Then he would want to go back to the room and watch some tv.  Maybe your siblings are more like my h than mine?