As I was sitting here reading posts this morning, it occurred to me that I've gotten very good at discussing X's end of things, but haven't really shared the other side about me and why I seem to be a magnet that attracts these types of people into my life in "big sister" roles.
First of all, by nature, I am a person who has always wanted to have someone as a leader in my life. I had major issues with authority because of an abusive, mentally ill step-father and a mother who emotionally abandoned me to handle her new husband's issues.
The few people in my life that became my leaders through the years, were people who were controlling, come close-get-away borderlines, and even some narcissistic people as well. As much as I can accuse them of being controlling, I can also point a finger at me as one who seemed to WANT to be controlled. A person cannot control another person unless they allow it (depending on the situation). I had a CHOICE at that point, and I chose to put up with some really rotten things in order to maintain having a leader over me. What is strange is that, even the leaders themselves, would say to me "if you think you have it so bad with me, why do you stay around? I'd NEVER stay with someone who mistreated me. Come ON I taught you that you were more valuable than that!" Keep in mind that it was the leader who was doing the mistreating but ME who was blamed for putting up with it. NOw, I'm not saying the leader was right, but I am saying that they had a point, although they were telling on themselves. It can go both ways really.
So, I'd say that if someone was/is abusing you and you DO have a way out but keep staying, thinking things are going to get better when the abuser refuses to change and get help, you might want to rethink things and look at the WHY of your remaining a captive.
Just a thought.
~L
