Hi all...new here :)

[Ellipsis]

Hi.

Something happened a couple days ago that upset me, and i only just figured out why.

A very nice, sweet, generous man revealed that he wants me to be his girlfriend.
i should be ecstatic; he's a true gentleman.

Thing is, i have no interest in him whatsoever beyond friendship.
Not even a tiny little bit.
After a little bit of thinking, i realised that the reason i'm not interested in him is, well, because he's such a gentleman.

This was upsetting because it reinforced an already present knowledge that, considering the (often cruel) nature of the people i'm actually attracted to, i'm gonna lead a seriously unfulfilling, agonised life if i don't get these messed-up patterns sorted out.

So i googled "self-destructive relationships" and stumbled across this site.

After reading lots of the articles, i realised that there are some very beautiful words and some very understanding insights here.

There's definitely been a huge theme of "voice" related stuff in my life recently...
...mainly related to trying to teach myself to speak out, stop being so shy, stop being so terrified of my own social awkwardness and people's potential reactions to it...

Not that you'd guess there was any shyness problem by the length of this post, lol

Anyways, i'll stop talking everyone's ears off.
Off to read some posts now, but just wanted to say that this looks like a very good site, and perhaps i need to be here, if that's ok with everyone

[James73]

Hey Elllipsis, nice to meet you, I hope you find the help and answers you need on this site, I certainly have 
James 

[Hopalong]

Welcome, Ellipsis.
Mind if I call you  ...  ? 

This is an amazing place to learn and I hope one of the first things you feel is welcome.
There's no need to apologize for existing, for posting, for not posting, for posting long or posting short. You decide what you want to do here.

Are you thinking of giving the Gentleman another chance?

Hopalong

[Overcomer]

Hi, E!!  I said on another thread that when I used to live in an apartment complex with all medical students, I didn't even look twice at them.....I was too busy looking at the local bar.  Have had bad relationships all along.....didn't feel I could get any better I don't think. 

You'll learn lots here!  We have people from Britain, the US and Canada and probably more!!  Different nationalities.  One thing in common - no voice.  Silenced.  Neglected.  Abused.  Angry  (well, at least I am angry.....)

[isittoolate]

Welcome El

Good Luck on your search and travels through the Twilight Zone!
You'll meet a bunch of us in there.

Izzy

[axa]

Hi E

Welcome, you are in good company

axa

[Margo]

Hi.

Something happened a couple days ago that upset me, and i only just figured out why.

A very nice, sweet, generous man revealed that he wants me to be his girlfriend.
i should be ecstatic; he's a true gentleman.

Thing is, i have no interest in him whatsoever beyond friendship.
Not even a tiny little bit.
After a little bit of thinking, i realised that the reason i'm not interested in him is, well, because he's such a gentleman.

This was upsetting because it reinforced an already present knowledge that, considering the (often cruel) nature of the people i'm actually attracted to, i'm gonna lead a seriously unfulfilling, agonised life if i don't get these messed-up patterns sorted out.

So i googled "self-destructive relationships" and stumbled across this site.

After reading lots of the articles, i realised that there are some very beautiful words and some very understanding insights here.

There's definitely been a huge theme of "voice" related stuff in my life recently...
...mainly related to trying to teach myself to speak out, stop being so shy, stop being so terrified of my own social awkwardness and people's potential reactions to it...

Not that you'd guess there was any shyness problem by the length of this post, lol

Anyways, i'll stop talking everyone's ears off.
Off to read some posts now, but just wanted to say that this looks like a very good site, and perhaps i need to be here, if that's ok with everyone

I think you're lucky to make those realizations and can begin working on changing your expectations for yourself.  It won't be comfortable to be with nice people straight away.  Your discomfort is real but....if you're patient and you FORCE yourself to spend time with people who have your best interest in mind...... you end up getting used to it.  You'll know you're used to it when it goes away and you miss it; ) 

Then..... you have to be diligent about not backsliding into old ways.  You keep striving and saying yes ONLY to those people and situations that will build you up, not tear you down.  Good luck, Margo

[gratitude28]

Hi Ell and Welcome,
Having married one of those seem-to-be-dorky guys, I can atttest that there are bad boys lurking underneath the good boys (at least in the fun sense ) My husband was so sweet when we dated... and at that point I was ready to beat the next man who groped me goodnight... or told me how sad his relationship was with his wife...
At any rate, read and read some more and find your patterns and your voice. We are here to listen.
Love, Beth

[WRITE]

Hi Ellipsis, welcome.

i realised that the reason i'm not interested in him is, well, because he's such a gentleman.

Yes, its' something I am workign through currently, why am i attracted to these Quixotic guys with anger issues...

You'll find plenty of info and support here!

[Ellipsis]

Hi all...just wanted to say thanks for your replies.