Dear Poet,
>>>Thanks for that list. I am going to do it. I have been subconciously doing some of it. I get really exhausted trying and learning new behavoirs. Is this just part of it? Thanks for all your wisdom, Friend <<<<<
"Is that just part of it"... lol the good news is YES!!! it does sound really mechanical doesn't it? But remember there is a real gem inside the constructed learned reactions and behaviors, what you may not understand is "how" it is working, all you have to do is make the consious choice to change attitudes /behaviors that make you so unhappy the ones that steal your smile, the ones that are so self defeating....... and effecting the quality of life that you want to have
The best way to describe my "breakdown" is like my physcolgist said, she said the mind is like a filing cabnet , and we store hundreds of files in it, ( the files are life events and crisis and happenings), when my father died , it was just ONE too many crisis, too many files for my cabinet to store......so the cabnet broke and files went flying all over the place..... the files then could be talked about , discussed and thrown away so to speak.... but it wasn't just the files that were the problem it was all the attitudes and hurts and pains that went along with them.... alot of destructive thinking, inherited fears* ... alot of Anger, which I believe was not all mine, but my fathers anger injected into me.
I have certain mantra /motivating thoughts, beliefs that are one with me.... what I mean by that is, they are engrained in my heart and mind
they are with me where I ever I go, what ever I do , like my own personal truths, my own salvation in a sense
" we only do this trip once"!! - and when you really grasp the meaning of this, you will want to live in each and every moment, you will have a deeper appreciation for everything, loving the good with the bad...... kinder eyes to forgive , a thankfulness for the life you have and can have!!! ( I say God is responsible ) but for me God is the core of my faith
I read this poem one day , and it hit me like a ton of bricks....... I was browsing through some old books of my husbands and I happened upon it, this poem is how I feel about change in my own life, while she speaks about a place effecting her profoundly- I relate the poem to my breakdown and rebirth (so to speak)
"If Once you have Slept On An Island"
- If once you have slept on an island
You'll never be quite the same;
You may look as you look the day before
And go by the same old name,
-You may bustle about in street and shop;
You may sit at home and sew,
But you'll see blue water and wheeling gulls
Wherever your feet may go.
-You may chat with the neighbors of this and that
And close to your fires keep,
But you'll hear ship whistle and lighthouse bell
And tides beat through your sleep.
-Oh, you won't know why and you can't say how
Such change upon you came
But- once you have slept on an island
You'll never be quite the same
By Racheal Field
