I can't remember what my pen-name was... maybe Lilibet, or Lizabee or Lizzie-Tish. Am having more profound senior moments these days!
When my mother went into her current facility, the staff was a bit (in my mind) overly concerned about how she would deal with not seeing me anymore. They all understood that I had had it with her. I call it self-preservation/survival.
Her standard answer then, two years ago and now is "I will have to deal with it".
There was NO regret, NO angst, NO feelings of love in her words or tone. Total rejection. What is there is a solid brick wall, the wall that was there when I was child, young adult, adult and now middle-aged.
She somehow got our phone number from a staff member about 6 months ago... and called the house. I freaked out. Again that pit of dread hit my stomach like an atom bomb when I played the message.
It was then that I realized I was still afraid of my mother...
The message stated: This is Helen W-------, I have a toothache, I have a problem, I need help,
Thank You.
That was it in a nutshell. Not a call to say she missed me, not a call to say she was sorry and if she did something wrong and I want to see you. It was the typical - I want to control you, manipulate you, get you out here and do my bidding, I own you.
Of course, they take care of all her needs there - dentist, doctor, shrink, etc. It was just her way of sending out her tentacles to find me.
I just got a Service Care Plan review in the mail, the ususal blah, blah, blah, sign here please. We want our $4,500 a month.
This is whay she is quoted as saying under "resident goals"....
"I'd like to be a little more self-sufficient, rather than depending upon other people. I'm in a place in life that I'd rather not be, but it is what it is."
See? I didn't expect anything other than what is written on that piece of paper. If she cannot control me, I don't exist. Plain and simple.
She will die a bitter, lonely old woman. Boo hoo. She always used to say... I suppose you are going to put "Granny on an ice flow, just like the Eskimo's".
Be careful what you wish for!
