Author Topic: Just thought I would share...  (Read 2723 times)

Sheeeva

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Just thought I would share...
« on: May 06, 2007, 06:59:38 PM »
Ok, Big breath......

I was supposed to go pick up my son this weekend. I did not have the money to do so, and the court ordered my ex to pay for the gas, so I told him that if he was going to pay for gas, that I would rent a car and go get my son. He said "No, thats ok, I have a babysitter." 

So, I am not going to see my son this month.

I am trying very very hard to let go.

I was diagnosed last year with cancer of the cervix, probably has a lot to do with all the stress I have had with trying to represent myself in court, deal with my abusive N ex, and try to keep my children together. All of which was in vain anyways.

So, now they are telling me that its back and they may have to remove my entire uterus. I am going to try to heal it with good diet. I am trying really hard not to stress out about anything. It is very hard when dealing with my ex, as it seems to be his life to make my life shit. I heard the Smile in his voice as he told me that he wouldn't be paying for transportation and would just keep our son. And, that just makes me want to blow a fuse. I am so stressed out from him I think I have hypertension.

I am trying to breath and eat well, keep my life stress free, cause cancer loves stress.  I bought my son some presents, and want to send them, but the last card that I sent never got delivered to my son. My ex says it never came. Liar. It is just to hard for me to deal with the bastard N, and try to keep my health at the same time, and its my body and life that is at stake here, not to mention my little baby boy that he has taken.

I feel like I must be taking crazy pills, cause the whole world seems fucked up and strange.

My older son just got over cancer and is dealing with major mental issues, since his was also a reproductive cancer.

I feel that there is just not enough of me left to keep fighting for my baby boy. I am not going to think about him too much for a while. PLEASE don't judge me for that and tell me to keep fighting, cause I cannot. I cannot even bare the thought of him as it makes me want to die that I cannot protect him or help him anymore.

I have even been thinking of refusing treatment for the cancer....
Its a legal out. Nobody can blame me when I am dead right?

Besides all that, I have finally found a man that is gentle and kind and loving. He cares so much for me. I told him yesterday what the doctors told me. I am sooo sad. I got so lucky to meet this man, but why couldn't I have met him years ago? When I wasn't so messed up? I am now waiting to see if he is going to see me anymore, cause I may never be able to give him children if he wants any. What scares me even worse, if he does want children, and does not stop seeing me just because I have the cancer.



Gaining Strength

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2007, 08:00:48 PM »
I am not going to think about him too much for a while. PLEASE don't judge me for that and tell me to keep fighting, cause I cannot. I cannot even bare the thought of him as it makes me want to die that I cannot protect him or help him anymore.

I would never judge you.  But I have a suggestion to help ease your pain.  Use your mind's eye to hold him and love him and protect him.   Your love knows no bounds.  It will reach him and by loving him this way your heart will mend and your adrenal glands will slow down on the adrenalin output so your hormones will slow down and the cancer growth will slow and you will feel better and....

Besides all that, I have finally found a man that is gentle and kind and loving. He cares so much for me. I told him yesterday what the doctors told me. I am sooo sad. I got so lucky to meet this man, but why couldn't I have met him years ago? When I wasn't so messed up?

I am now waiting to see if he is going to see me anymore, cause I may never be able to give him children if he wants any.
Stop!  You just said, "I have finally found a man that is gentle and kind and loving. He cares so much for me."  He's not going to leave you.  He is gentle and kind and loving and cares so much for you.

What scares me even worse, if he does want children, and does not stop seeing me just because I have the cancer.
Stop! I am trying really hard not to stress out about anything. Caught cha.  You forgot to not stress.  No stressing.  Remember, he is gentle and kind and loving and cares so much for you.

If you like and want and need encouragement you've come to the right place. Keep posting! - Strength

CB123

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2007, 08:09:48 PM »
Sheeva,

From what I understand, cervical cancer can be treated effectively.  It sounds like your doctor has a plan.  Could you have the treatment that he suggests, and supplement it with the other things that you have discovered--reduced stress, vitamins, etc.  It doesnt have to be one or the other.  Many people throw every bit of ammunition there is at the cancer.  Would you consider that?

I don't judge you Sheeva.  Please keep coming here to just talk and unload your feelings. 

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2007, 11:13:36 PM »
Sheeva,
It's okay to take care of yourself now.
Your stresses are so huge, and you are only a human being.

Please DO have whatever treatment the doctors recommend...alternative medicine is nice but surgery removes cancer and lets people have a long and healthy life. You deserve that! And you and your son will be together again....live for THAT, for now.

I have only one small suggestion, and that is to send your letters or gifts to your son registered mail, so he will be sure to receive them.

with love and support and sending you peace,

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Sheeeva

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2007, 12:45:37 AM »
Sorry, I got all emotional earlier. I've been doing these crying jag things since I got the news. I have been living with this for over a year now. The gynecologist did remove the affected area in an attempt to remove the cancer. It was supposed to work. I really don't want to lose my uterus. Its a really important thing to me. In more ways than one. When they did the pathology report is was reported that it was at a severe stage. I know that sometimes this can resolve, I am just scared.
I know that in the amount of stress that I am under with all that I am going through it will not be easy. My son is only 14 years old and it was just discovered that he had testicular cancer in Jan. I put my own health on the back burner as I juggled his six doctors, his refusal to attend school, and his deep depression. To top the cake with a cherry, I got the piece of crap judges decision that my N ex who beat and raped me is to have custody of our son. Oh, and I got accepted to nursing school, which has been my lifes dream.
I know that cervical cancer is very treatable, just not in a way that I want. I want to keep my female body parts. I want chemo, but it doesn't work on that type of cancer anyway. I would rather lose all my hair which reaches my butt, then lose my uterus. I almost would rather die then live without it. I am sure that I will make the right decision. I always do. I am just freaking out a little bit. I am following a anticancer diet in an attempt to help my body fight this. I just hope it works.
I feel very bad about my younger son, but the stress is killing me. I have to take a break from the intense emotions I feel about this monster who has in my eyes, stolen my son away from me, just to torment me further. I have to let at least that stress go.
my older son I can help. He is under my roof, and somehow we will beat his depression. Perhaps with less stress, and a anticancer diet my body will become stronger and fix the cells that are going rampant in my body too. 

Brigid

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2007, 09:03:39 AM »
Sheeva,
You may already know all this, but just for information purposes, cervical cancer is ONLY caused by HPV--we all have it in our bodies and any woman who has been sexually active in her life, can activate the cells that cause the HPV.  Most times, the HPV will heal on its own, but once in awhile it will cause your Pap smear to the positive--then the OB/GYN needs to do further tests to see if the HPV has caused any cancer cells to emerge.  I just went through this last year, so I understand the process pretty well.  Fortunately, in my case, the tests did not indicate any cancer growth, but I was directed to have another Pap in 6 months, rather than a year.  I will be having that new Pap soon.

I have 4 very good friends who have had to have their uterus removed because of cervical cancer, or for other reasons.  They are living very happy lives and don't miss having it.  I don't know how old you are, but even if you do want to have more children, there are ways to do that without a uterus.  You have children who need you for many more years, and if you do not cure your cervical cancer now, it can easily spread to organs that cannot be easily healed.  Please do as your physician suggests and have the surgery. 

Brigid

Sheeeva

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2007, 11:04:45 PM »
Please don't think that I am trying to be rude, I know that you are just sharing from a standpoint of wanting to help, but I think that if we are going to discuss HPV and cervical cancer we should be properly informed. Thank you.

"You may already know all this, but just for information purposes, cervical cancer is ONLY caused by HPV--"

"ok.wait. stop. I dont mean to be rude, but if you want to make a public service announcement you need to know the whole truth!! The most common cause of cervical cancer is HPV, it is NOT the only cause. Virgin women have been known to have cervical cancer, and it was not caused by HPV!!


"we all have it in our bodies and any woman who has been sexually active in her life, can activate the cells that cause the HPV. "

HPV is a virus, and not all women have it. About 80% of women have it. There are a good 20% that do not. It is caught from men who are carriers of the Virus, they carry it, but it does not affect their bodies. HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. Like HSV, or HIV.


"Most times, the HPV will heal on its own, but once in awhile it will cause your Pap smear to the positive--"

True

"then the OB/GYN needs to do further tests to see if the HPV has caused any cancer cells to emerge."

True, and I have the severe cancer cells.


"I have 4 very good friends who have had to have their uterus removed because of cervical cancer, or for other reasons.  They are living very happy lives and don't miss having it."

I know that you go on living without it. But, I have always had wonderful orgasms, and I know that my uterus is involved cause I can feel it. I KNOW I would miss mine!  


"I don't know how old you are, but even if you do want to have more children, there are ways to do that without a uterus."

True, true


"You have children who need you for many more years, and if you do not cure your cervical cancer now, it can easily spread to organs that cannot be easily healed.  Please do as your physician suggests and have the surgery. "

I will, but I wont like it, and I am still going to grieve the loss of my body parts. Thank you for being kind and caring enough to give me words of encouragement. 

Margo

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2007, 07:22:50 AM »
(((((((((Sheeva))))))))  and more.... (((((((((Sheeva))))))))

So sorry this is happening to you.  Margo

Brigid

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2007, 09:04:09 AM »
Sheeva,
o
Quote
k.wait. stop. I dont mean to be rude, but if you want to make a public service announcement you need to know the whole truth!! The most common cause of cervical cancer is HPV, it is NOT the only cause. Virgin women have been known to have cervical cancer, and it was not caused by HPV!!

My OB/GYN told me this and I have been directly involved in sex ed classes for schools and a health education facility in my community.  The reason they think that women who are virgins for life, i.e., nuns, etc., have still contracted the disease is because they contracted the HPV from their mothers during birth.  At this point, the opinion of specialists is that HPV is the only cause of cervical cancer.

I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this, during an already very difficult time.  There is no guarantee that your orgasms will not be as good, but wouldn't it be worth giving up some of that to be able to see your kids graduate, dance at your children's weddings, or see the birth of your grandchildren?  None of us have the assurance of being around for those events, but if we can improve the chances, I think it would be worth trying.

Brigid

Sheeeva

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2007, 04:51:20 AM »
Sheeva,
o
Quote
k.wait. stop. I dont mean to be rude, but if you want to make a public service announcement you need to know the whole truth!! The most common cause of cervical cancer is HPV, it is NOT the only cause. Virgin women have been known to have cervical cancer, and it was not caused by HPV!!

My OB/GYN told me this and I have been directly involved in sex ed classes for schools and a health education facility in my community.  The reason they think that women who are virgins for life, i.e., nuns, etc., have still contracted the disease is because they contracted the HPV from their mothers during birth.  At this point, the opinion of specialists is that HPV is the only cause of cervical cancer.

I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this, during an already very difficult time.  There is no guarantee that your orgasms will not be as good, but wouldn't it be worth giving up some of that to be able to see your kids graduate, dance at your children's weddings, or see the birth of your grandchildren?  None of us have the assurance of being around for those events, but if we can improve the chances, I think it would be worth trying.

Brigid

HPV can be found in a growing proportion of patients with cervical cancer, approaching 100%, but is not yet found in every patient with disease. Other factors, such as herpes simplex virus type 2 infections, cigarette smoking, vaginal douching, nutrition, and use of oral contraceptives, have been proposed as contributing factors. In the first half of the 20th century, Peyton Rous and colleagues demonstrated the joint action of tars and Shope papillomavirus to consistently induce squamous cell carcinomas in rabbits. Using the Rous model as a prototype, one might hypothesize that some cases of cervical cancer arise from an interaction between oncogenic viruses and cervical tar exposures. Cervical tar exposures include cigarette smoking, use of tar-based vaginal douches, and long years of inhaling smoke from wood- and coal-burning stoves in poorly ventilated kitchens.

MedGenMed Hematology-Oncology
Multifactorial Etiology of Cervical Cancer: A Hypothesis
Posted 11/30/2005

 Chlamydia infection. Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted infection of the reproductive tract. It may or may not cause symptoms. This infection can be detected during your pelvic examination and Pap smear. Recent studies have found that women whose blood test show past or current chlamydia infection are at higher risk for cervical cancer than those who test negative.

Heredity. Apparently, genetic makeup and other factors are also part of the complex interactions that cause cervical cancer. Studies suggest that women whose mother or sisters have had cervical cancer are more likely to develop the disease themselves.

Smoking. Cervical cancer is also more common among women who smoke. It has been debated whether smoking causes cervical cancer on its own but believe that it may heighten one's vulnerability to other illnesses, such as viral infections. Researchers have found substances from tobacco in the cervical mucus of smokers. These substances may be toxic to the cells of the cervix and contribute to the development of cervical cancer.

Other. Women whose immune system is severely suppressed by other diseases, by treatments, or by organ transplants are more vulnerable to cervical cancer, as are women whose mothers took diethylstilbestrol (DES) while pregnant (DES is a drug once prescribed to prevent miscarriage but is no longer marketed). Women who are obese or who use birth-control pills may be at slightly increased risk.

Age. Cervical cancer is most common in women between the ages of 50 and 55 and almost never occurs in girls younger than 15. The message: Get regular Pap smears as soon as you become sexually active or starting at age 18 and continue until you are at least 70, if not longer.

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection.
Infection with the AIDS virus makes women susceptible to cervical cancer because the infection damages the immune system’s ability to destroy cancer cells early. In women infected with HIV, the usual slow progression from a precancer to cancer state might be faster than it normal.

 HPV. The most important risk factor for cervical cancer is infection with the sexually transmitted infection called human papilloma virus. It’s believed that this virus interferes with the functioning of substances that keep cervical cells from growing out of control and becoming cancerous.

There are more than 100 different types of HPV. The ones most people have heard of cause genital warts. Other types cause warts elsewhere on the body. Only certain types of HPV increase cervical cancer risk. They are called “high-risk” types of HPV. They include types 16, 18, 31, 33 and 45, and others. The genital HPVs are passed from one person to another during skin to skin sexual contact. Most women with genital HPV do not develop cervical cancer because their immune system can fight the virus. HPV infection can cause changes in the cells which then can be picked up on a Pap smear. Recently, some doctors have started testing for HPV at the time of a Pap. If a high-risk type of HPV is found in women with an abnormal Pap smear, doctors are more inclined to do a colposcopy (look at the cervix directly with a specialized microscope). What puts you at risk of HPV infection?

    * Having intercourse at an early age.
    * Having many sexual partners.
    * Having unprotected sex

like i said. HPV is a huge cause, but it is not the only cause. I am also involved in health education. There are many different factors that can affect the human genome.Cancer Its awesome and mind boggling sometimes. You cant say that anyone one way is the total and absolute way.
I say again, to the fact that I may lose my uterus, for whatever reason.
"I will, but I wont like it, and I am still going to grieve the loss of my body parts. Thank you for being kind and caring enough to give me words of encouragement."

Margo

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2007, 05:06:50 AM »
Ok, Big breath......

I was supposed to go pick up my son this weekend. I did not have the money to do so, and the court ordered my ex to pay for the gas, so I told him that if he was going to pay for gas, that I would rent a car and go get my son. He said "No, thats ok, I have a babysitter." 

So, I am not going to see my son this month.

I am trying very very hard to let go.

I was diagnosed last year with cancer of the cervix, probably has a lot to do with all the stress I have had with trying to represent myself in court, deal with my abusive N ex, and try to keep my children together. All of which was in vain anyways.

So, now they are telling me that its back and they may have to remove my entire uterus. I am going to try to heal it with good diet. I am trying really hard not to stress out about anything. It is very hard when dealing with my ex, as it seems to be his life to make my life shit. I heard the Smile in his voice as he told me that he wouldn't be paying for transportation and would just keep our son. And, that just makes me want to blow a fuse. I am so stressed out from him I think I have hypertension.

I am trying to breath and eat well, keep my life stress free, cause cancer loves stress.  I bought my son some presents, and want to send them, but the last card that I sent never got delivered to my son. My ex says it never came. Liar. It is just to hard for me to deal with the bastard N, and try to keep my health at the same time, and its my body and life that is at stake here, not to mention my little baby boy that he has taken.

I feel like I must be taking crazy pills, cause the whole world seems fucked up and strange.

My older son just got over cancer and is dealing with major mental issues, since his was also a reproductive cancer.

I feel that there is just not enough of me left to keep fighting for my baby boy. I am not going to think about him too much for a while. PLEASE don't judge me for that and tell me to keep fighting, cause I cannot. I cannot even bare the thought of him as it makes me want to die that I cannot protect him or help him anymore.

I have even been thinking of refusing treatment for the cancer....
Its a legal out. Nobody can blame me when I am dead right?

Besides all that, I have finally found a man that is gentle and kind and loving. He cares so much for me. I told him yesterday what the doctors told me. I am sooo sad. I got so lucky to meet this man, but why couldn't I have met him years ago? When I wasn't so messed up? I am now waiting to see if he is going to see me anymore, cause I may never be able to give him children if he wants any. What scares me even worse, if he does want children, and does not stop seeing me just because I have the cancer.





Reminding you that everything is gonna be OK....... is a balm for my own soul.  Turmoil and strife come into everyone's lives.  We all have struggles and it' easy to become overwhelmed.  ((((Selma))))  It's gonna be OK......

Try to think about the blessings you do have and maybe write to your son.  You don't sound like more stress with your ex N would be helpful right now.  It's OK to step back but I think you're son would appreciate knowing that he's on your mind.  Also.... please document when your ex disregards visitation orders and schedules.  Omega 3 fatty acids and plenty of vitamin C...... lot's of live foods and blue fruits.  A good vitamin supplement as well...... everything, good and bad, passes.  Margo

Stormchild

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Re: Just thought I would share...
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2007, 09:10:54 AM »
Sheeeva,

I lost mine in 1997. It was that or die, as appears to be the case with you.

You may find, as I did, that your physical responses actually improve, once your body heals. I retained my ovaries, despite much propaganda and pressure to give them up. When I was opened up, apparently my ovaries looked about ten years younger than they were expected to; they're in terrific condition and have continued functioning normally [although slowing down now, perimenopause time.] Your situation may differ in this respect, but tread carefully. Loss of the ovaries triggers full menopause instantly, and that is hellacious to deal with.

The only problem I have had long term has had nothing to do with the surgery. It's with women who take the attitude that physical childbearing is some kind of badge of superiority. I have no tolerance for that, none whatsoever, and no hesitancy to say so. Since you've given birth, you won't have to contend with this.
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