Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

[isittoolate]

What a change in the board!! I don't know anyone!

There is a forum
http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/index.php?sid=0b8d94e03c753ed18b07b936c5bc3157
for people dealing with Ns

I left mine 5 years ago

I thought what we dealt with here is how we are working on ourselves, after the voicelessness of childhood or from the results od N-ism.

Have I been wrong?

I sure don't want to rehash want I endured from  '98  to  '02.

I'm after fixing me!

xx
Izzy

[isittoolate]

15 reads and no one has a say?

[axa]

Izzy,

I have not been posting a lot lately.  From scanning the posts this morning I see people in great pain trying to work through the initial head wrecking confusion of being with Ns.  I remember when I came on here I was full of disbelieve, trying to make sense etc.  as time goes on I have focused more on my own healing but it has taken me some time to get here.  I see a change in the board, lots of new people, less contact from the older people that were around when I started posting.  I think this is like life, we move along in different ways.  I miss the contact with the "old folks" but also recognise that I post less than I used to.

I welcome your posts Izzy and like you I am trying to heal and understand how I got there in the first place, an ardous journey do you not think?

big hugs,

axa

[WRITE]

I think the board goes through people in different stages. I've been here for years so the initial crisis is a long way back but I come in most days and read a little bit and try to post and encourage people who are just starting the same journey of relationship breakup.

My computer broke a few months ago and now I don't have much computer time, that's the reason I am not here as much.

But you can post whatever stage you're at Is, and there will be someone else at the same place or who knows what you're talking about!

That's what i like here, there's a space for everyone.

Hope y'all are having a good day in some way. I feel so happy today, despite period pain and a headache from an impending thunderstorm.

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

Don't know if I'm a flower, but I haven't gone anywhere.  I read here a lot.  I go through cycles of posting, then not posting, or posting occasionally.   One thing I know for sure is that you are a flower and I don't want you to go away!

VESMB as an entity  goes in cycles.  You'll get used to one bunch of posters, then, another bunch comes along.  I haven't given much thought to how those cycles run, I just know they're there.

About three weeks ago, I noticed that the number of guest readers Users Online, was up considerably.  Upwards to 50, maybe higher at times.  So for whatever reason, when the guest readership goes up, new posters come on board, and that's a good thing.   I remember when you came on board how refreshing, humorous, and informative your messages were.  They are still.
 
VESMB is a good board for psychology students to learn, a good place for teachers to send their students to learn.  I think students of psychology and especially students of Narcissism harvest information here.  Just a thought.

tt 

[Sela]

Hi Izzy:

15 reads and no one has a say?

I confess.  I was one of those 15 reads who didn't say anything because I didn't understand what it is you were/are looking for?  I thought I'd wait and see what others had to say, which all are very nice posts but I still have no clue what to add.

Where have all the flowers gone?  Mine are just starting to sprout....it's spring here!   

I thought what we dealt with here is how we are working on ourselves, after the voicelessness of childhood or from the results od N-ism.

Have I been wrong?

Some people might.  Some might deal with other issues/events.  Is there a wrong somewhere?  I don't understand.  I see lot's of people dealing with the exact stuff you list so I don't understand why you think you've been wrong about that at all?  And if others are not dealing with that stuff, what does it matter?

It's a free world eh?  Yay!!!

I sure don't want to rehash want I endured from  '98  to  '02.

I'm after fixing me!

That's ok.  You don't have to.  Some people might need to rehash and rehash and rehash and that's ok too, isn't it?  I'm glad you're fixing you and I feel like I'm fixing me and I bet others feel the same.  Great stuff, if you ask me!

This board changes, as does all in life.  Nothing stays the same for long, at least, that's been my experience.

Anyway, sorry I'm probably not much help.  I just wanted to let you know why I didn't post before.  I'm posting now because I still don't understand and want to admit my ignorance. 

What do you need/want/hope for in this thread?  It almost sounds like you are dissatisfied with something but I'm not exactly sure how to help?

Sela

[isittoolate]

Thanks for the replies,
and your very poetic one CB

I just needed to know, as the change seemed so sudden, but I also see that with my therapist I am having less to say here. I'm learning little odds and ends from her that are valuable to me, but not what I would expect people to think of as a grand revelation. More to come I expect.

Thanks all
Izzy

Edit: Hi Sela

This is the longest I have stayed on a forum board and was able to relate to all the people . now the group has changed as have I and I maybe just required closure on how some people drop of the Forum and why. I saw it coming for myself and that I would have less to say.

Thanks--the Flowers are all the regulars when I came aboard! (and the title of a song!)

Love
Izzy

[Hopalong]

Hi Iz,
I find I like the way the board changes, undulates, like surf, brings in new people, others float out for a while, some take off toward the sunset, some eddy back and forth for ages (like me, can't imagine leaving), some surf a dramatic diagonal, some play with the waves' edges, some are busy picking up starfish, some fish and then take it off to roast, some are piloting the airplane with the banner...

In the past I've had anxiety when people I'd talked to a lot here would fade out for a time. But now I don't feel that way. I have a cumulative trust in the tide.

I think I am overdoing the beach metaphors.

Hops

[isittoolate]

Thanks Hops

I was transported to the beach--

See ya
Izzy

[Sela]

Hi Izzy:

I think I understand what you mean now.  Thanks for taking the time to explain.  I can be pretty dense.

I only disagree on one point:

I think all the people who come here are flowers (not just whoever was here when you joined).  Just teasing you a little there Iz!!     It's nice that you consider people like beautiful flowers!

I like the idea that the people felt like that to you or your reception felt like that....(which in my mind....I see a lovely field of them blowing gently in the breeze and smiling their colourful faces at the sun).  Yes.  That is nice to think of and no wonder you missed it.

The beach is good too Hops!!  Hot sand.  Peaceful, ever-flowing surf.  Gorgeous big chested, muscular life guards!!  (whoops!  just kidding!    Slap myself!!)

  Sela

[Stormchild]

Iz, you were new here too, once upon a time, not so long ago. As was I. As were we all.

"That's the way this Wheel keeps workin' now"

Wheel

          --John Mayer, "Heavier Things"

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along

And airports, see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

That's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last,
to love her

You can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing that seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you won't be the first
No you won't be the first
to love me

You can find me, if you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around, I'll be around
And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time
You will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give return to me
I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give return to me.
I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me.

[spyralle]

Hi Izzy,

I guess this board is a raft... well that is how it feels for me anyway..  I try and swim by myself sometimes but when It all goes wrong I grab hold of the raft again because I know it will keep me safe.  The way I see it there will often be different people here as others of us are off swimming or treading water and trying to stay afloat but I guess they too will try their chances in the sea and then return when it gets too cold or choppy or there are too many sharks.....

For me...  I always know that this is the place where I am safest..

Spyralle x

[aware]

One of my therapists....have been in therapy about 20 years.  I found good therapists and got good recommendations.  Some did not work out, so I had to keep trying till I found the right one.  Well, anyway, I got off track.   One of the shrinks I saw suggested I get a book .  I think it was called "Trapped in the Mirror". Adult Children of Narcissists.   I remember reading and hurtling the book in the corner of the room.  It struck home in so many areas. 

I feel sorry for my mom.  She has no idea that she is N.  She thinks others are.  N's are actually very fragile because they really are so empty inside.  That's why at your expense, they have to pump themselves up.