Controlled still....

[seasons]

I would greatly be appreciated your thoughts and ideas.

Dh and I have backed off from his family. No fights or confrontations just laying low. BUT sil is started to complain. If we continue to slowly back away from these abusive controlling people I am afraid i will hurt my kids.

By that I mean for example next year my daughter will be graduating, she will be sad we are not having a family party.
I thought of taking her for a special family vacation, but am not sure this would be appropriate.

Do I/we pretend and go to the next holidays this year to keep peace for my daughter? What about weddings etc...

I guess I realize by cutting them out of our life,,,,,, their is consequences to others besides my husband and myself. GUIlTY and still FEELING CONTROLED by life it self.

Just an added note we have gone to holidays for our children, year after year and left emotionally beat up. Last year was the first time we made excuses and did not go. I think the pot is stirring by some words from my controlling sil.

Thank you so much for listening to me while I decide what the break will mean in the long run.
seasons (i've missed you all!)

[dandylife]

Have you spoken with your children and discussed the behaviors involved? Have you taught them to have firm boundaries?

Do you practice firm boundaries?

If so, then why not have an open house for graduation and send invites to your family? Then if they pull any "obnoxious behavior", everyone understands how to deal with it.

Let your children know what is right and what is wrong and then follow up. That is the best lesson you can teach them.

If it has already gotten past the point of this, then, you must let go. No party or gift is as precious as serenity.

Dandylife

[michael]

I would greatly be appreciated your thoughts and ideas.

Dh and I have backed off from his family. No fights or confrontations just laying low. BUT sil is started to complain. If we continue to slowly back away from these abusive controlling people I am afraid i will hurt my kids.

By that I mean for example next year my daughter will be graduating, she will be sad we are not having a family party.
I thought of taking her for a special family vacation, but am not sure this would be appropriate.

Do I/we pretend and go to the next holidays this year to keep peace for my daughter? What about weddings etc...

I guess I realize by cutting them out of our life,,,,,, their is consequences to others besides my husband and myself. GUIlTY and still FEELING CONTROLED by life it self.

Just an added note we have gone to holidays for our children, year after year and left emotionally beat up. Last year was the first time we made excuses and did not go. I think the pot is stirring by some words from my controlling sil.

Thank you so much for listening to me while I decide what the break will mean in the long run.
seasons (i've missed you all!)

dear seasons,
mewonders seasons if per chance you intended this topic for the other forum here....
seems to me so
as the other one is more for issues of ones life and others responses suggestions and helps in that regard..
this forum i think is more intended for thing what one has found has helped....

[seasons]

Thank you dandylife great questions to ask myself and my children. The open house sounds like a more peaceful option, thank you for that idea.
 seasons

Yes, michael you are right. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Opps.........seasons