Author Topic: New here and just realized lately  (Read 1858 times)

pageo

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New here and just realized lately
« on: May 26, 2007, 04:23:34 PM »
Hi All,
I have been married for 12 years and have just recently come to the conclusion that my N mother had shaped the cheating and distress I have caused to my W.  I have been seeing a counselor for about 3 months and just now came to the realization that my own N was what was beneath the cheating and repression of my W.  I have 4 great kids and a wife that through it all I believe still loves me.  I need to hear about how or if there are chances of rebuilding my "self" and saving my marriage and kids.  I have read a few posts and most are very negative as to the chances of the kids....I disagree as I believe that if I can help work through my issues and problems I can also help the kids develop a strong self image not the false self I have hidden behind for so long.
Thanks
geo

dandylife

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2007, 04:44:18 PM »
geo,
would love to hear more from your point of view. "N mother shaped the cheating and distress I have caused to my W."

I am familiar with the "seductive" tendencies of those who have been sexually abused and/or molested (including myself). How do you think your N mother caused you to cheat? (not a judgmental question, but very curious).

I myself am back in a N-dominated relationship mostly for the kids but with hope that I can have a relationship with the real person, not the N (a greater percentage of the time).

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

Hopalong

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2007, 02:10:34 AM »
Pageo,
I'm afraid you're margo's husband.

are you?
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

James73

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2007, 09:04:12 PM »
Hey hops why do you think this blokes Margo's H?

Hopalong

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2007, 11:45:40 PM »
Hi James,

Just thought I'd voice an instinct--I don't know what's true though. Pageo can clear it up.

It's just that Margo's husband's posted here several times, using different names...and he also reported being newly in therapy and having abused his wife.

In all this time, hardly ever has an abusive N come on to talk about himself. Seemed too much of a coincidence.

Pageo, if I'm wrong I apologize to you.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

James73

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2007, 06:40:45 AM »
Hey Hops, no way! Some grown man is coming on here using different names pretending to be someone in therapy!!  :lol: What a loser, hey buddy you actually do need therapy, or a handy noose, preferably id go for the last one as I think you know you'd be doing us all a favour if you kicked the bucket :D Ah what sad little fool he is, hah and I used to think I was pathetic, sheesh.

Paego if your not Margo's H then I apologise profusely, being an N im sure you can understand and will in fact agree with whats been said. On another note if you are the real deal youre going to need many many years therapy to get out of your condition, also you must take responsibility for your actions, your N mother may have ruined your mind and you did not deserve AT ALL the abuse you suffered at her hands, however its the choices that make us who we are and the abuse of your wife and children is down to you, accept that and you can move on, dont let your mother own you now as she did when you was a child. Good luck.


sea storm

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2007, 02:32:08 AM »
I found out that my exN could access my computer and read all my postings on this site. These things happen. I haven't had the heart to write until now.
Naturally, he accused me of being mentally deranged to say such things about him.
Trust your intuition.
I too find it suspect that an N is all warm and fuzzy and wanting to convert to having empathy and a conscience.

Sea storm

Ami

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2007, 09:32:52 AM »
Dear Sea Storm,
   I am so sorry. That is such a violation  .                       Love to you  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

James73

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2007, 08:51:35 AM »
Yeh warm and fuzzy and N's do not go hand in hand, cruel and cowardly however...

debkor

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Re: New here and just realized lately
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2007, 10:19:40 AM »
I don't know if you are Margo's husband or not.

If you are or not the answer is simple.  You are aware that you have a fake self.  I'm sure your wife is also.
The right thing is therapy. You have a lot of issues that you have been dealing with since a child and it will not be a miracle that it will all be resolved over night.

Everything you have done I'm assuming has some thing to do with control issues.  I do not know if there is a possibility if you can save your marriage but I do think that the number one issue to focus on is to SAVE YOURSELF.  Deal with yourself and your own issues.  You cannot take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.  Let your wife do what she needs to do without interference (forms of control) from you.  You have to stop!  Where has your forms of control or lack of control got you so far?  Like Dr. Phil says, So how is it working for you?  It's not anymore is it?  Not at least with your marriage.  You want the truth?  You got it.

I hope you can work through your therapy to become the best possible person you can for your sake and your children's but I do think you need to worry about yourself and not your marriage right now. 
First things first and that starts with You and why you do the things you do. Harm the people you harm.
You need to become REAL!

If you say your mom was an N and shaped you into what you have become then think of what you are going to pass onto your children.  THINK! like you have never thought before!! THINK!
Can you step outside yourself?



Deb