Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
A Story and a Few Words of Encouragement
surf14:
HI Guest,
I just wanted to comment that I think you are making Rchard's decision to lock the threads he locked too complicated. When things are getting out of control and they certainly were here, I think its good sense to impose a time out. It has nothing to do with chauvenism or patriarchy; its the responsibility of the moderator of the board to keep things "safe "for all. Please if we could try to refrain from stirring up more discord and for now lets just enjoy the peace and regroup.
Surf
Tokyojim:
Dear Guest,
I think that you are making things unnecessarily complicated.
I will keep my comment simple and stop.
Relax!
rosencrantz:
I think those last two posts were far more inflammatory than that of Concerned Guest who raised a number of valid points. Some I agreed with and some I didn't. I was prepared to respond with thoughtfulness in return. But not while there are people so anxious to put a blanket on others to muffle them and to use put downs to do so. (Relax! indeed!!!)
The points Concerned Guest raised were about voicelessness and feelings.
--- Quote ---I'm just confused at the moment about all this. So I open myself up here to you,
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---I want to encourage people to keep posting...if you keep at it, honestly, genuinely, and vulnerably...you will be a little less alone.
--- End quote ---
Seems to me that Concerned Guest did what RG wanted. The last two posters did a 'you are' job on concerned guest which is a put down and a distancer and makes a lot of assumptions about that person.
RG Your words affected me greatly - I've been sobbing on and off for the past 16 hours but I'm not posting to explore 'why' when I feel so vulnerable and only 'some' thoughts and feelings are acceptable. People who define which thoughts and feelings are acceptable make others voiceless.
--- Quote ---Please if we could try to refrain from stirring up more discord and for now lets just enjoy the peace and regroup.
--- End quote ---
You have indicated what you want but, rather than expressing it in terms of your wants and feelings - and looking at the reasons why - (like CG appeared to do) - you have presented it as a requirement imposed on everyone else. You make it so that anyone who wishes to discuss feelings about this issue is defined as 'stirring up discord'. :shock: I'm not that shocked - it happens a lot.
1. For me, these two posts spoilt all the good, kind feelings that had been expressed hitherto in this thread.
2. Putting a blanket on things is what allows persecutors to have their insidious way. Maybe you feel it keeps you safe from the persecutor - but it doesn't deal with the pain or the problem.
3. Expressing feelings about how one feels about something allows closure. It's not repeating the incident all over again.
Surf, I'm going to front up to you on this one - I experience you as consistently trying to smother/put a blanket over my feelings. You are in good company as my husband and my father have a preference for that kind of response, too. Lots of people do. I did signal this to you before but I hid it rather as I didn't want to be rejecting but I don't think you noticed. I would like you not to do it to me again. Personally, I would like you not to do that to other people either. Personally, I don't think it's healthy. Personally, I'd like you to recognise that you do that. But that's just me.
Tokyojim, you have a need for people to 'stop'. You like that word. Stop. Twice you put a stop AFTER a post of mine. The way you presented it was good for me - and totally inflammatory for the other party, making them feel so voiceless that they had to shout to be heard. Think about it. Think about the effect you had. That's only my opinion. But, personally, I'd like you to stop making people stop and look at what your need is instead.
Concerned Guest - I think I recognise your voice. If you are who I think you are - I have been astounded that you have such a calm measured and gentle voice after having suffered so much in your childhood.
Out of MY need, I want to say how genuine I thought your post was. You wre honest and kind. You said you felt confused and you demonstrated that confusion in your post. Expressing confusion means you express conflicting opinions or thoughts. People will pick on one side or the other to get their own feelings out and put you down. Please don't be hurt or shut up by them. You probably aren't - I'm expressing my own need here!!! :wink:
I also want to say 'Thank you, Concerned Guest - from one of those most affected by this. The confusion and conflicting thoughts and opinions you expressed helped me understand some of my feelings. You put words to feelings. That always helps me enormously. You expressed some things I hadn't thought of, some of which I don't agree with - but I support totally your right to express whatever comes from the heart. The things I don't necessarily agree with are still interesting and worth picking over to see how they might fit in and lead to a better understanding. Just now I wouldn't have had the courage to even attempt putting into writing the things you shared. I am very grateful."
I'm also aware that I'm coming in between two parties here - the last two posts and Concerned Guest - before CG gets too angry or hurt. So I'm doing it too!!! Coming from my own childhood habits, rescuing. Drawing fire. Inviting you to pick on me rather than CG.
Now that's the kind of thing to want to stop!!!!! We need to stop 'stopping' and stop putting blankets over things and stop getting in the line of fire!! :wink:
But I'm still mad that someone who opened themselves up to us all got put downs and shut up. (Now that IS about projection!!)
R
Tokyojim:
I probably should have articulated my thoughts better.
First, my comments are not directed toward any person with intention to badger, quiet, stifle or inhibit.
By "stop" I meant to cease the convoluted debates over specific meanings and intentions because that does not seem to lead anywhere except to more and more debates.
Maybe I was under a false impression (or just wish-fullfilling), but I thought that this forum was to support one another and get ideas. It does not seem fruitful to debate and attack among ourselves. Most people on this forum are struggling with some relation with NPD. They have enough of that in their lives already.
To explain "stop," I would hope to see our mutual support and encouragement and to cease attacks that become convoluted. Lastly, please do not accuse me of having some "issue." That is simply an attack in disguise, a form of a put-down. If I have an "issue" (I hate psychobabble), I will try to mention it. If others feel I have (or another has) an issue, I think it would be best to simply question the person without a spiteful or aggressive tone.
Tokyojim:
Sorry, I used the wrong word. I should not have written "issue." I should have written "need." (Same thing, anyway.......)
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