Adding to a betrayal paragraph~~~~~

[isittoolate]

Did I post this somewhere?

The worst kind of betrayal is the kind that gives up on curing a fault of character in a young child, no matter how serious the fault might be. It's easy to direct the tendencies of a child, but it's almost impossible to change the character of an adult once it's set.

I went through this with my therapist yesterday. If you might remember a psychiatrist told me I likely couldn't change and I've been reading it all over the Internet.

Therapist says there can be change but I cannot explain as well as she.

Somehow, say I completely got my ex son-in-law out of system-- then I have made a space for something else.

Say My daughter and I settle this matter one way or another---I have left another little space for something else and bit by bit, relieving myself of things that have held me in bondage, I will have more space for happier things, but I will still be me.


Did that make sense?

Izzy

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
    With God, all things are possible.                                                         Love Ami

[JanetLG]

Izzy,

If a psychiatrist told you that probably you couldn't change now you're an adult, is there the teensiest possibility that they might have been placing on you the way they feel about themselves?

Anyone can change if they have the will, and from your posts, I would say you DEFINITELY have it in you to change!

Janet

[isittoolate]

Dear Izzy,
    With God, all things are possible.                                                         Love Ami

Thank you Ami

but I prefer earthly responses--not some unseen force.

My post was to ask if anyone could see what my Therapist was explaining.

Love
Izzy

[isittoolate]

Izzy,

If a psychiatrist told you that probably you couldn't change now you're an adult, is there the teensiest possibility that they might have been placing on you the way they feel about themselves?

Anyone can change if they have the will, and from your posts, I would say you DEFINITELY have it in you to change!

Janet

Ho Janet

As I just posted to Ami, can you understand what my Therapist is saying--?????

xx
Izzy

[lighter]

It may be true that we can't change our basic character. 
Fine. 
Makes sense. 

Do I  believe that we can change our thoughts and our intentions,  question our motives and actions?  Begin to incorporate new ideals and leave behind old ways of thinking?

Do I believe we can commit to making mindful choices where once we simply reacted? 
Simply, Yes.
I believe that leaving behind old belief systems where we thought we had no choices and embracing the fact that we DO HACE CHOICES is possible.   

WE may not be able to change WHO we are, but we can certainly change our processes and belief systems if we strive to do so. 
In that way, perhaps we are capable of changing our basic character to a certain degree?

[Hopalong]

I got it I think Izz...and she did say there can be change.

What I think is that character is not an organ, like a liver. It's an amorphous combination of all the things and experiences that make you what you are right now.

By that logic, the NEW things that you experience (including the new thoughts you try on) will change who you are tomorrow.

The changes may be small, but so is the first tip of the first blade of a crocus coming through the snow.

Hops

[isittoolate]

THANK YOU Hops

You GOT it!!!!!!

I felt a bit different when I left that day as I finally understood from her explantion, and yesteerday and again today--- Hope!

Love
Izzy

[Sally]

Dear Izzy,

I think never mind what your  psychiatrist told you, the question is "do YOU feel and THINK differently"?  Doyou think you are processing your thoughts and feelings in a different or new way and is this causing you to ACT differently?

Regarding your daughter, here's my 2 cents:  Can you step away from the situation for a while and just sit with it, sit with your feelings and not have the need to resolve things right now?

My T pointed out to me that I'm uncomfortable with ambiguous situations and sometimes act rashly to put a definite spin or ending to them.  My T encouraged me to, in certain situations, just sit with and accept the ambiguity.  Eventually, clarity will come.

love, Sally

[isittoolate]

Dear Izzy,

I think never mind what your  psychiatrist told you, the question is "do YOU feel and THINK differently"?  Doyou think you are processing your thoughts and feelings in a different or new way and is this causing you to ACT differently?

Regarding your daughter, here's my 2 cents:  Can you step away from the situation for a while and just sit with it, love, Sally

Oh Sally My take is that I ought to listen to my therpaist, because I would then not be processing better thoughts.

Re  my daughter, I am stepping back, and out, for now, as she has told me I am taking up too much of her valuable time.
Gee Thanks daughter.

Izzy

[Hopalong]

Oh Izz. I'm sorry. Ow. That must've hurt.

But you're doing just the right thing, imo, to quietly back off and de-escalate the intensity of all this contact.

She can't understand how a mother who'd been denied the chance to connect with her child after so long is HUNGRY to communicate. She just doesn't get it.

I do.

I think all you can do now is to immediately give her all the space she needs (the way my wise advisors here have so often told me about my D). When she's ready to talk more, you'll hear from her.

Meanwhile, maybe you can work with your T on how you can be more solid within yourself for your OWN sake.

hugs, and I hope you're still glad you and she talked so much in a new way....

Hops

[debkor]

Izzy,

I agree with Hops. 

I think all you can do now is to immediately give her all the space she needs (the way my wise advisors here have so often told me about my D). When she's ready to talk more, you'll hear from her.

((((Izzy)))))
your trying so hard, I'm sorry.

Love
Deb