Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
rosencrantz:
Hi Wildflower - I woke up thinking about YOU this morning. :-) And hoping you were popping a few bubbles of your own. It's hard work, isn't it. Very painful. I'm beginning to wonder why we were made this way!!! The road to consciousness is a long and very precarious one. Why! (Existential question for the day) I used to be quite 'happy' to think that we come on this earth to 'sort some things out' and then come back to sort out some more. But I'm not so sure now. Is it worth it?!? (Existential question number two!!).
I think I'd better go before it starts getting too heavy!!!
Have a good weekend
BFN
R
Michelle:
I'm not sure if this is where this should go, but I figured "healing" was the closest thing it relates to. Have you guys ever heard "Bring on the rain" a country song by Jodee Messina? I heard it this morning and could really relate to it right now. Here are the lyrics:
Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost, but not the war
Cuz tomorrow's another day
And I'm thristy anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops
And they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing
But I'm not dead, no
Cuz tomorrow's another day
And I'm thristy anyway
So bring on the rain
No I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
and I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
Cuz tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thristy anyway
So bring on the rain
If you haven't heard this song, it's worth a listen. I love music and the way that certain songs make me feel. Hope this helps someone..... :wink:
Love, Michelle
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---I don't know, but after this, I'll just keep bein' a free radical, free floatin', bumpin' round the board. I've learned a lot here today.
--- End quote ---
Gosh, I hope this doesn’t mean the end of CG here. :cry: Just having a selfish moment I guess, because I’ve had such a nice time talking with you and hearing your stories. I’ve learned a lot from you, too. I know I get dreadfully serious sometimes, but I hope that someday I can be a little more like you in dealing with conflict (did any of those books help…would you recommend any? No need to answer, guess I can do that on my own…). Laughter really is the best medicine, hunh? :oops: :D
I don’t want to ask you to stay CG if that’s not comfortable to you, but I want you to know that (even as Guest when I first got here) your warmth, strength and humor have given me a little light that led the way through some shaky times dealing with coming to terms with my mom, and I hope I’ve been able to return that favor. But in any case, thank you.
Love and hugs and higs,
Wildflower
Anonymous:
(Note added later: warning, long one! :D )
Hi Wildlfower, how ya' doin'? I guess ya' feel pretty rotten huh? Us ACON's or, in my case ACOP's, go to guilt and takin' on blame pretty quickly. I'm one of those people who hear a police siren when I'm drivin' down the road and think it's for me, and I haven't even done anything wrong! :D Or they ask to check my shoppin' bag at the checkouts and I feel guilty, like they're gonna find somethin' in there. hahahahahaha. And I don't even shoplift. :D hahahahahahahah
But with this latest thing I feel/felt guilty too. Then I did a quick inventory and realised it was misplaced. I hope you can do the same.
There are lot's of things being worked out here. Sometimes I think way too many. I'm here to find my voice. And I can hear it loud and clear now, I think??? I'm expressing myself more and more and even H is recognising it, or so he says. Gettin' lots of affirmation :shock: and even 'recognition' :shock: from that department. And just as importantly, I'm picking him up very early, when he dumps a bucket, or should I say, tryies to dump a bucket of his crap (problems) on me. Now that is invaluable. I spend a whole lot less time back in showers trying to get rid of the smell. hahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know how far up or down the mountain I am in that dept compared to others here, but I do know I'm way more advanced than I ever have been in my life.
I saw voicelessness in the making yesterday. I cringed as I witnessed one of my friends relate to her 5 year old daughter. Yes I intervened, by offering to take the child for a walk, but she wouldn't come. So this scene went on for about 15 minutes, and minier versions repeated thoughout the day. Eventually the dad returned and everything settled down, but I couldn't stop thinking about that poor kid, and the poor inept mother. They've got a rocky road ahead!! I offer her books, internet sites. She's just so closed minded in this dept. Heaps of fun and open in other ways. :x It's so frustrating, because after reading here all this time I can see what she's doing :shock: and it's so obvious.
It went like this. The little girl wanted a drink. We went outise to sit for a while outside, because we'd walked for ages , had been inside at a model railroad exhibit.
Little girl starts whing, "I want a drink"
Mother, "Stop whining, you can have one when daddy gets back"
Little girl,"I want a ride on the train"
Mother, I said wait till daddy gets back"
Litle girl, "I'm tired"
Mother, "yeah, well that's cause you never stop whining"
Little Girl, "I want a drink"
(i"m butting in and offering to go buy drinks, take her for a ride etc, blaah blaah, but the litle girl won't take it from me. She only wants it from her mum.
The mother. "This could have been a really nice day if it weren't for you. Why do you always have to ruin everything everytime we got out? Whine whine whine, that's all you ever do. If you don't be quiet, we're going straight home and you're going straight to bed. You've ruined this day with your whining and now you've made me tired and all I want to do is go home to bed myself. So be quiet, stop you whining or we're going home. I was enjoying myself till you wouldn't shut-up."
I couldn't believe it. The kids only five. I had a picture in my head of the mother eventually finding a way to blame the kid for the conflict in IRAQ!!
It was bloody awful.
The kid, sort of quited somewhat, but then she got naughy. By pulling faces at other kids, and picking up rubbish bits of paper and dropping it on seats, or kicking things in her clean shoes. She was quiet from then on to her mother though. I haven't been out with them together for quite a while, but I remembered later that she's always related like this to her daughter ever since I've known them.
In their relationship the girl is supposed to wait till the mother is ready/ happy to offer her something. She's not supposed to ask for anything, it's interpreted and reflected back as putting pressure on her mother. Even for something as basic as a drink!!!! And I guess she wouldn't take one off me, cause it has to be approved by mother, who said no anyway. Oh groooaaan. It was awful to witness. And I felt completely knowing, yet totally useless.
We didn't leave right away, we stayed and saw the whole exhibit. Dhe did eventually buy the girl a drink, when she wantd one!!!!! When we went for coffee. But gee the little girl became really quite annoying and even embarrassing, opening all the sugar sachets. Then, another scene ensued!!!! Mother "Why are you always such a pain to take anywhere? I'm never taking you anywhere again!" The girl was even kicking dirt at the back of heels a couple of times. Little darling!
Anyway, long story, I know, I've lost my point now. What was it? Oh yeah. This woman is by a lot of standards a very good mother. But it doesn't help in this regard (voicelesness), and the child is only in first year of school.
It's a long one, (told ya :D )hope you had a coffee in hand :D , but I wantd to tell you what I witnessed, and how sad it was, and how sad for the little girl. They aren't going to have a good relationship when the girl is older if it doesn't change dramatically. And I can see my friend in 10 or 20 years time saying " I was a good mother!!! Why is he so difficult and selfish???"
Did I make my friend sound awfull. She's a really nice person to me, and to everyone else in our circle. And like I said, in some ways she's a very responsible, even fun mum. But when I observed this all happen I was witnessing in real time the creation of 'voicelessness'. And I was really quite tragic.
I haven't given up on getting through to her, the mother I mean. I don't give up that easy. I have managed to get through to her once or twice before on other issues. And man, it wasn't easy, but it is possible, and she did eventually appreciate it, and it was worth it because it's given us a deeper level of communication. She's not as superficial with me anymore. Scary though at the times!! :D :D My friend is a physical giant of a woman :?. Size 11 or 12 shoes, 6'3 or therabouts, works out with weights 5 early mornings a week. Over 140 IQ. Yeah, ya gotta be pretty gutsy to take her on. :D And also, she can remove your appendics at 10 paces with her tongue, it's so razor sharp.
Anyway, I thought I'd share this with you, to get back to discussing the reason why we're here, and then to ask how your 'voice' is going? :D and to say, "it's sounding good to me." :D
(((HIG x 2)))
CG
Wildflower:
Hi CG,
--- Quote ---I'm one of those people who hear a police siren when I'm drivin' down the road and think it's for me, and I haven't even done anything wrong! Or they ask to check my shoppin' bag at the checkouts and I feel guilty, like they're gonna find somethin' in there. hahahahahaha. And I don't even shoplift. hahahahahahahah
--- End quote ---
So true. So true. I get anxious every time I have to exit a store that has those detectors. And for a while there, my bank card was randomly setting them off – and I’d get all flushed every time. :oops: And no, I don’t shoplift either. Can you see me? Just looking at something and thinking about it would have me punishing myself and sending myself to the corner. :roll: :D
So yeah, feeling pretty rotten about now but trying to sort it out. Good idea to get back to why we’re here.
About those detectors, though…I’m convinced they’re actually used to wipe out whatever lists you have in your head so you’ll forget why you came in the store and just randomly buy stuff you don’t need. It’s just a working theory, though. Haven’t gathered all the data. Yet.
--- Quote ---I'm here to find my voice. And I can hear it loud and clear now, I think??? I'm expressing myself more and more and even H is recognising it, or so he says. Gettin' lots of affirmation and even 'recognition' from that department. And just as importantly, I'm picking him up very early, when he dumps a bucket, or should I say, tryies to dump a bucket of his crap (problems) on me. Now that is invaluable. I spend a whole lot less time back in showers trying to get rid of the smell. Hahahahahahahahahaha
--- End quote ---
Wow, CG!!! That’s great! So your H is actually responding positively to you and your newly strong voice? :D :D :D Yippy!!!! Hahahaha glad you’re less stinky and using less water, too. :lol:
Me, too, on the louder/clearer voice front - in weird unexpected ways. I’ve actually shocked myself a few times this past month at work when I immediately found the words I needed to say at the right time – instead of stewing or being confused and missing the moment. :shock:
I’ve always been pretty soft-spoken, but I think my real voice is actually getting louder. My poor step-grandfather used to have to hike up his hearing aid when I was over so he could hear me (though there was another theory that he often turned it off while Grandmom went blabbing on and on to no one in particular :roll: :lol: ). One day I asked him one of those little kid questions: why are you deaf? He told me it was because he ate too much pepper. Well, I believed him. And for years (until I was a teenager), I would say to myself, well, I really like pepper…so…well…I’ll just have to risk it (shake shake shake). Duh. I do NOT have an IQ of 140. I told him about it and he laughed and laughed. And he’s usually so serious. :D :D
Anyway…where was I? Right. Voice lessons. Not sure if this is voice related, but I think talking here has released a bunch of tension for me. I treated myself to a massage today, and I was told I was “soft”. I thought she was making a dig at my lack of gym time (snicker snicker), but she was commenting on how relaxed my muscles were. :shock: For years I’ve been going in looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame and coming out in pain but standing straight up at least. Maybe these toxins are finally getting expelled?? :D
But most importantly, my cat is noticeably happier and more well adjusted hahahaha. He likes my new voice, too. :D :D
--- Quote ---"This could have been a really nice day if it weren't for you. Why do you always have to ruin everything everytime we got out? Whine whine whine, that's all you ever do. If you don't be quiet, we're going straight home and you're going straight to bed. You've ruined this day with your whining and now you've made me tired and all I want to do is go home to bed myself. So be quiet, stop you whining or we're going home. I was enjoying myself till you wouldn't shut-up."
--- End quote ---
:cry: :cry: That must be heart-breaking to watch. Just sitting here I wish I could jump in...to do what? Your idea for taking her to get a drink was a good one...have to remember that.
5 is my favorite age, too. They’re finally starting to get a handle on language and putting ideas together and being really challenging and fresh. Why was it so hard to get a drink for her? Sorry, I know you see your friend being a good mom, too, and we all have bad days, but I’m with you. To blame a child for your rotten mood? That’s gonna be a problem if their relationship doesn’t change.
That’s so interesting that she wouldn’t go with you to get a drink. Sometimes I feel so stupid for being such a homebody during all that stuff with mom, but I guess there’s a lot to say for a child needing a drink from mom, and no one else. Very symbolic. So telling, too, the way she got quiet and then started acting out. That’s gonna be a problem for the little girl in school and in her social life, too.
I’m glad you’ve been able to get through to her and that you guys are closer as a result. I wonder if she was told similar things as a kiddo. Maybe she works out 5 times a week to get the strength to get back at her parent(s)? :D She does sound a bit intimidating, though. Boy would I hate to be her shopping for shoes though. :shock: I’m fairly tall but not that tall, and I hate shopping for shoes. They all hurt anyway… :roll: :wink: {EDIT: the sexy shoes hurt, that is. not my comfy clogs, no way :d}
I’ve been thinking about the intervention thing when I notice parents being abusive with their kids, and before I wasn’t confident enough to intervene, but now…now I think about what’s been said here about having another adult invalidate bad behavior by a parent – even if it’s a brief comment from a stranger. I’ve also been thinking about becoming a Big Sister – giving a kiddo some positive feedback and playtime to add to what they’re getting at home. Do you guys have a Big Sister program over in the UK?
Thanks for your stories, (((CG))) :D
((((((((((HIGS))))))))))
Wildflower
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