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Wildflower:
Hi Guest,

I was doing some surfing (instead of sleeping :roll: ) when you posted and I just have to say a million times no.  You are NOT retarded.  You are amazing.  That you survived your 'mother' so beautifully - and I mean, really, your voice is so beautiful.  And kind.  And comforting.  Your humor is wonderful, and I can imagine it has carried you through many a tough situation.  

You may be full of lead from getting fired at or even getting caught in the cross-fire, or maybe you look like a colander, but everything you did - including the avoidance - got you here, didn't it?  And now, having had the peace of years away from your mother, you're ready to do some incredibly difficult work and face such yukky memories?  No.  You're not retarded.  You're brave and strong.  And really.  Just a very short time ago, you were working through some tough stuff to get to the 'discrediting the witness' conclusion.  It's okay to take your time through this.  As you said, one mountain at at time.

Stay with us.  You don't have to be CG if it's too difficult sometimes, but stay.

Wildflower

Anonymous:
PPS,
Wildflower, I forgot to add what I'd say to my mother if I thought I wasn't wasting my breath and she would hear.

Once I asked her why she hated me, and she said, "Because you remind me so much of your father. You even look like him." I believe she meant that, and it makes sense. She hated him in ways words can't describe.

Any questions I may have about her are generally answered by what she said. Even basic questions like, "Why didn't you feed me? Why did I have to scrounge for food? Why didn't you buy me clothes, or take me on holidays? Why did you kill my dog? Why did you......" Blaah Blah Bla!

The bitch even bought my friends new clothes and took them on holidays. Unbelievable. Ouch. And that one hurt.

Then she started doing the same with my children (and yes, they look like me), that was when I took my stand. She injured them badly a couple of times before I cut her off. I don't know if I have any question for her now. I don't think I do.

CG

rosencrantz:

--- Quote ---Stay with us. You don't have to be CG if it's too difficult sometimes, but stay.
--- End quote ---


Isn't that a wonderful thing to say.  Is your heart bursting, CG?  Mine is!!  

And I want to say I think your heart is wonderful.  You saved my life!!!  Without you I wouldn't have got where I got in the past couple of weeks.  And, if you've had a few other names and guises here, well, I take all of you - so don't think you're only acceptable as 'C'G!! :D

I just wondered who your mother REALLY wanted revenge on - who did the first evil deed that she's STILL trying to get even for??  


--- Quote ---jumping with fright and observing how rigid, still and unmoved I was
--- End quote ---


My thought was, knowing just a smidgeon of your past, that you were rigid with fear - that the fear had been so great (of things she did) (AND your own rage??) that you were rigidly keeping it out of sight. Like being 'in shock'.

Thanks for being so courageous as to stay.  I'd miss you if you went!  And you're brilliant.  If I'm going to have to recognise my own 'power' and 'talent' and intelligence etc, (urgh) well there aren't many people I'd genuinely bow to - I bow to you! ;-)

Take care
R

Anonymous:
Thanks so much guys, and I'm a little embarrassed :oops: but I really want to tell you that I value you in my life.

CG

rosencrantz:
LOL - You're embarrassed?  I'm absolutely terrified  :lol: I've now related in positive and specific terms with you, with Portia and with Wildflower IN PUBLIC.  I'm waiting for my mother to come out of the closet with a machine gun, all barrels firing (mixed metaphor?) - rat-at-tat...rat-at-tat...rat-at-tat...

"You can only relate to me," she'll cry.  "How dare you relate to other people.  How dare you get so close.  How dare you not put me at the centre of your universe.  I am so (frightened and) enraged I will destroy you all..." (Crikey, she really is only a few months old!!!  Her brain never made any neural connections beyond the breast-feeding stage.)

[I'm about to go off at a total tangent so I'll stop there!  :wink:)
R

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