Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
Wildflower:
Like R, I’m wondering if I should say what I’m thinking about all the stories you must have in you – and how to get them out. I guess I don’t really think it’s a matter of whether to get them out. More like when. I think you’ve been saying this in a different way with the string analogy, but I want to try to restate it in my own words a little. I think this is such an important question/problem in the process healing.
If you were to roll up your sleeves and say, okay all you bad memories, time to come out now! I’m going to deal with each and everyone one of you right now and I won’t stop until I’ve gotten to the heart of all of you. Oooof. Oh, boy. You’d be crushed. You might make it through 3. Maybe even 10. But by 20, I suspect we’d be hauling you off to the hospital. Even if you COULD handle more, you’re right that you’d be missing out on life if you spent the next year solely examining these memories.
But sometimes, these memories come at US. And sometimes in floods. Because, I believe, we’re supposed to be dealing with them now. Now is the right time. And they’re tugging on our sleeves saying, listen. Listen. I’ve got something big to say. Some of these memories may be complex and may need to have a few pow wows with us over the years to finally get their message across. Some of them are concise little ‘ah-ha’ moments.
And then there are the times when we feel stuck (I’m really just brainstorming here, so who knows if this makes any sense). We feel trapped, and the memories don’t come at us – so we DO have to go in. But we need a lifeline when we do. Kind of like in Poltergeist (did you ever see that? I know you don’t like violent movies). They had to wrap a line around the dad so he could go into the spirit world to find his little girl. He almost got lost in there with her, but he had a lifeline, and he was pulled to safety holding Carol Anne – and covered in red jello. :lol:
I was thinking last night of asking you a question, giving you a framework, giving you a lifeline? But then I talked myself out of it because I think maybe you know the answer already and have said it – but I’m not hearing it. But is there a question you have for your mother? Or are these memories just cropping up? Is there something they’re trying to tell you?
Wildflower
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Portia ---I guess that’s the delayed Narcissistic Rage in full flow? I wonder how easy it is for ‘them’ to delay like that. Yikes, a warning to all of us. You’ve made me realise that my ex-step-mother was an N too. I had little to do with her but that story sounded like her style and ‘pop!’ into my head it came.
P
--- End quote ---
Your comment made me think and I realised something. I think for my mother it is so very easy to delay, because revenge IS, (I repeat) IS her life. She could be a used as the dictionary definition of the word. The thesaurus version could have so many names of other mothers here. But my mother, to me, is like the world's No 1 Cordon Bleu chef of revenge. She will not be rushed, and all the ingredients have to be just right, and her timing is impeccable. And she loves the horror and shock and damage her revenge causes which somehow she interprets and receives as recognition and accolades and applause at her craft.
Your ex-stepmother, so she was married to your dad. Well then, you were lucky if you didn't have much to do with her. I can't imagine having my mother as a step-mother. I saw what she did to a few step-kids and de-facto step-kids she's had at different times. (Shudder). The poor things. She's so heartless, she could and used to turn their own father's against them (consciously and deliberately) and then brag about her techniques to me later. She can't share anyone.
That was the common theme with nearly all her guys, they were all so pussy-whipped and so easily manipulated to believe whatever lies she'd make up about their kids. She had great success in turning quite a few fathers against their own children! Their own flesh and blood. Bloody idiots.
Bye
CG
Wildflower:
She certainly seems to have that revenge thing down, no argument here. :roll: Yikes.
What was worthy of revenge in her book? Disagreeing with her? Breathing? The horrible things she did to those step-children....was she getting revenge on them, too?
Just curious...
Sorry...instead of posting yet another, I'm just going to edit this in:
--- Quote ---My mother did a good job of getting me to doubt everything and everyone (including myself) EXCEPT her actions, choices and opinions. I used to think I was crazy because my life was crazy. I don't anymore, not seriously anyway.
I used to try to explain to her, "Just because I don't feel the same way about someone that you do doesn't mean I'm your enemy." She always expected me to like who she liked, and to hate who she hated. Otherwise I was disloyal and deserving of cruel and wicked treatment.
--- End quote ---
This has been sticking to the roof of my mouth for a couple of days. Am I pushing you? I really, truly hope not (but just say the word). Did she get you to doubt yourself by terrorizing you with the thought of revenge? Brainwashing you through fear?
I reeeeeeallly don't want you to feel like you have to answer this if it's too much (if it is, tell me and I'll remove it so you don't feel the need to pick at a bad wound).
Wildflower
Wildflower:
P.S. When I first started posting on this board, there was a big debate going on about being Guest, and I remember thinking, hey, this Guest who's replying to my posts...he/she is really great and helpful. I can usually identify your sense of humor but I don't want to rope random Guest posts into you, CG. I'm so happy, though, that it was you who was there in the beginning. And you who wrote the commune postings :D.
Anonymous:
Hi Rosencrantz and Wildflower and Portia,
Thankyou so much for your warm and caring responses. Oh My Gosh. :D I feel so fortunate to have come across you.
I've got a confession to make. I'm lousy at recognising when I'm repeating mistakes. Lousy! Lousy! I haven't just got blind spots. I'm totally emotionally visually impaired when it comes to myself.
I can see it in others. Or if it's about other people, and can see when other people are making the same mistakes over and over. Doesn't that make me the clever one?
That's why I'm such a useless little shit in group therapy. I'm not useless regarding everyone else's progress, just regarding my own! :x
Maybe I will blow up and burst one day! :oops: Yeah, it would be very messy, wouldn't it. And what a wonderful mother I'd have been, leaving a huge mess for my kids to have to deal with, or for them to have to clean it up for me. :evil: I'd hate myself forever. So I'd better attend to it hey?
And I think I do seep! :shock: (Emoticon for YYUUKK!!!)
You know I'm lousy when the camera zooms in on me. I'm fine, very comfortable off in the corner telling one of my stories on my terms, or unconsciously being colourful jester, entertaining naturally and making a few people laugh. But put the spotlight on me so everyone's watching and can hear and I'm outta there.
Duh!! :shock: I think it's some form of avoidance. Or maybe it's a control thing. I feel so exposed when I become the focus of someone else's attention.
Maybe that's why I married a Narcissist. Now there's a thought.!!! :?
(Memo to self - File that thought for further analysis.)
Like now, with both of you directing your attention to me. Any zeroing in on me gets me squirming, BIG TIME. I'd have usually exited by now, cause I'm feeling under the spotlight and not the one in control and I get very uncomfortable.
So I'm resisitng that urge to hide. Why? First, because I wouldn't want either of you to think that you'd offended me. You haven't. And second, I think because I've come to trust you both over the past couple of weeks. :shock: :shock: There's a turn up for the books. Add also because I'm smart enough to know this is important to me, and really why I came here, to sort out some of this crap.
I know you are both (R & W) saying some really valuable stuff in your posts. On one level I feel pricked and prodded and there's a conviction in me to look deeper. And it's like I'm a total retard in this area, or I'm really hard of hearing or maybe even stone-deaf emotionally. Anyway, I'm getting some time on my own this weekend. I intend to re-read Rosencrantz's and Wildflower's posts and if you feel inclined to add anymore stuff that you think may assist please feel free. And please don't apologise for speaking your mind here and sharing your thoughts, I'm soooo open to you and pleased that you have, and pleased that I haven't run away.
I cheer you on, appreciate you greatly and shout, "Sock it to me me baby."
Thanks
CG
PS, You're right Wildflower, I've never watched that movie. I'd drop dead with a mouth full off popcorn in the first scary scene. Meanwhile, everyone else in the theatre would be screaming and jumping with fright and observing how rigid, still and unmoved I was. They'd probably even be thinking how totally cool I was, that I wasn't affected by the horror at all. :D
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