Dear Deb,
I heard something really interesting. It made me cry when I heard it even though I don't smoke.A girl who was trying to stop smoking went to a therapist about it. The therapist asked the girl,"Is this all that you have left of your mother(who had died). The girl realized that the smoking was holding on to a small portion of the mother.her mother had smoked.
I am crying right now while I am writing this.
I am holding on to other"bad" habits because they are all that I have left of my mother.I am holding on to 'fearfulness', anxiety and,sickness(I feel like my mother is near when I am sick).
It truly is all that I have left of her. I don't know what it would be like for people with"normal" mothers.
One day I am going to get up the nerve to ask someone.For me, there is a pain in my heart.It only went away one time.I had an out of body experience. I was flying over beautiful scenary. I was thinking,"It doesn't hurt any more about my mother. I am at peace."
I am hoping that as my faith in God grows that one day, I will be whole inside.
Anyway,perhaps the cigarettes are also,"holding down emotions". My father said that the cigarettes were a way to push down emotions .He did stop, though. Love to you Deb Ami
