Deb,
He left the shirts on the deck. They were in carrier bags inside a backpack........ why, guess he had to sneak them out of his house so x/present wife would not see what he was putting in the car. It must have been such a shock for him when I did not take the bait. I always fell for the little boy antics, the sweet smiles but boy could i see what lay beneath. What was very clear to me as he stood there smiling was that I had never known him and for the first time was seeing him.
I had been anxious in case I ran into him somewhere as to how I would feel. It is great to know that I feel nothing much, not even anger, It was like watching a croc crawl out of the swamp.
Janet,
He drove out of here in his usual aggressive manner empty handed, not what he expected. Must have been quite a disappointment to him. I knew if I engaged with him it would be all about him and to be honest I could not care less what is going on in his life. I presume boredom has set in at this stage otherwise he would not be bothered with me. Guess x/present wife supply is moving into the devaluation phase. The games with her must be starting. She is in a good position in that she does not care about him other than the lifestyle he can supply. My sense of her always was that she hated him and her rage was just beneath the surface. It feels so good to be removed from all the madness.
CB,
I feel so removed and detached from him. You are right it is I who is going to keep him away. I guess I was moving back up onto the pedestal........ ooops just fell off. I know his games, x/present wife will be love bombed for a few days to reassure him that he has what he wants and we all know what happens after that. I feel so free of his madness. Funny, my phone rang on Thursday, I knew there was someone on the line but they did not speak, then put the phone down. For a second I wondered was it him then convinced myself I was paranoid........ heck my gut was right AGAIN.
AMi,
I think I did graduate and I feel quite grown up. I have no need for his madness and games any longer, I broke the cycle. What you wrote was interesting, it is as if I have thrown away that childlike hope of being saved by someone, yesterday I saved myself, not out of anger but because I deserved better. I felt like I had really respected myself and behaved in a way that kept me away from the danger. This is huge for me. I did not put his needs before mine. There was only one person I was taking care of and that was me.
I know without this board I would have gone straight back in there. I have come a long way and have a long way to go, feels healthy to be moving past the desperate need I felt. One thing for sure I do not need or love him. I had a sense of all of you guys protecting me, like angels fluttering around me keeping him at a distance.
THankyou THank you Thank you Thank you,
axa
