What's with wanting to hork at a sales-lady?

[BonesMS]

Hi Margo:

Wht is the best way to handle bullying, pushy people?

::sigh::  I'll let you know when I figure out how to handle mine.  On the whole though...... I think calling the police on someone who refuses to leave private proptery after being asked..... is completely acceptable.   Denying them an audience.  Asking for their business card then dialing their comany and asking for their supervisor.  I hate to picture myself being held captive in my office by a rogue salesperson, lol..... but...... it really is a frustrating situation.  How to keep assertive pushy people OFF of us.  Ahhhh..... .I've got to get ready for depsotion this morning.  I'll miss my 4yo's Mother Goose recital..... so sad about that.  The first thing I'll miss.  Margo

BTW, there is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive.  That pushy salesperson was being AGGRESSIVE!

Bones

[Hopalong]

I would like to call this meeting of Amazons Anonymous to order.

Hops

[Portia]

chortle chortle cough hehe <snort> LAUGH

[Sela]

I would like to call this meeting of Amazons Anonymous to order.

I can't seem to find my way back to Scythia.

  Sela

[Stormchild]

It's hard for me to believe that woman has ever made a sale, but I suppose she has probably managed to bully and intimidate a number of people into parting with their money simply to make her get out of their offices.

That's what it boils down to: bullying and intimidation. A form of emotional blackmail. "Give in to me and I'll go away." But, of course, they don't go away. They just step over that boundary, and begin demolishing the next one.

Basically N abuse.

Doesn't it seem familiar?

God, I despise bullies.

[BonesMS]

Reminds me of an Ntelemarketer that I encountered some years back before I was finally able to screen my calls with Caller ID, the National Do Not Call List, and TeleZapper.  This idiot called me with a sales pitch about subscribing to their newspaper.  I responded "No thank you. I'm not interested." and I hung up the first time.   N-idiot CALLS ME BACK to resume the sales pitch!  I again repeat:  "I am not interested." and hang up a second time.  N-idiot calls back AGAIN and continues his stupid sales pitch!  (By this third time, I am REALLY PISSED OFF!)  I bluntly tell the N-idiot, "I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR NEWSPAPER!  DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN!" and I hang up for a THIRD TIME!  N-idiot calls back stating nastily:  "You're rude!" 

My response?

"O.K. A$$H****!  You want to see rude?  I'll give you rude!  F!@# OFF!!!!" and I SLAMMED the phone down!  I ignored the phone after that and let my answering machine take it.  As soon as N-idiot started leaving a message on the machine, I disconnected him again!  Eventually, N-idiot got the message....NO means NO!

Bones

[teartracks]

Sela,

I'm agreeing that the sales lady was a bully and rude.

I'm not saying I would have handled the exchange between you and the sales lady differently or that you handled it the wrong way.  I'm assuming that she was fairly young and  a novice, commissioned sales person with only a few hours of training behind her, perhaps given by a bully.  But I did get to wondering what would have happened if you'd taken a different approach with her, something along the line of: 


OK, you seem convinced I need your product. 

Come in, have a seat.

I'll give you ten minutes, convince me!

You listen patiently and attentively to her presentation, even asking questions about the product.

She finishes her presentation.

You kindly tell her that you appreciate her enthusiasm, but no, you don't need what she is selling.

Then you say something like, May I have five minutes of your time. 

There are some things I'd like to say to you.

You explain how her approach was inappropriate, that it was offensive, but that you'd purposed to listen to her even though you had your own pressures and deadlines and knew that you didn't need what she was selling.  That channeled another way, the same energy she used offending you could be used in a more productively.

In other words, turn it into a teaching moment.

Or is that cutting a bully too much slack, becoming the 'fixer', longsuffering, enabling, and controlling person?  I don't know. 

tt


 

[Portia]

TT, aspirational.

Reminds me of when my old boss asked me, no, told me, to take over management of a sister company's marketing. Their guy was more senior to me, their operation was based a long way off, the whole thing was untenable. But I took it on, wokring with the other guy as to how we could work this out together (it didn't work). I've thought since how I could have simply asked my boss "how exactly do you see this happening? How is this going to work?" and got him to do some thinking.

Someone told me a piece old fashioned advice they'd received - never let anyone get you on the run. I guess i could add to that: don't let yourself go on the run - which maybe takes the 'fight' out of it. Living and learning.

[Stormchild]

I'd add one tactical modification to what tracks has recommended. This is a standard ploy I use in my workplace.

When a bully or a timewaster shows up in my office, I immediately stand up and walk out of the office past them, usually with a piece of paper in my hand. I'll talk briefly with them in the hallway [get them into a public area]. I get the gist of what they are saying and ask them to summarize the key points in an e-mail that I can refer to later on to refresh my memory [make them incriminate themselves, or force them to do the work required to articulate their demands]. I thank them, and then I head off to the printer, the copier, the bathroom, or the file room. The point here is to get out of your space, into a common space, and then from there, leave them behind as soon as you can.

Depending on the office setting, it's possible to lead a salesperson out of the office into a common area, or into a coffee shop in the same building, or outside the building entirely to talk. It's also possible to get their business card and call their office to speak to their manager regarding their unprofessional behavior... if you're b@llsy enough, and can keep your cool, you can do this right in front of them [some physicians do this with pushy sales reps; I am told that it works].

[Sela]

Hi all:

Great ideas for handling these "types". 

Too bad I didn't think of any of them.  I just didn't think, I guess.  I best study this thread and have this stuff down pat for the next time (if there is a next time......'cause honestly......most people are not like her, that I've come across). 

Bit of an update:  Our business neighbour from next door came over yesterday and he said his secretary must have said:  "We are not interested" to this same sales-lady......"at least 25 times!!".

He said he finally got up from his desk, went out to the reception area and said to the woman: 

"What part of "No" do you not understand?  It's not a very big word.  It's a really small word, as a matter of fact and it doesn't take a whole lot of brains to understand it.  No means no!" and he says he put his hand on her shoulder and directed her out the door (mind you he's a big burly bud).

She went to his place and then to ours so he said to me:  "She'd already met the rudest person she'd ever met before she got to you (Sela) because she met me!"

I dunno.  Hindsight is always much clearer.  But in the heat of the moment....sometimes I just don't do the right thing.  I feel bad about agreeing with her (when I said:  "I must be" , after she said I "was the rudest person (she'd) ever met").   Why did I do that?  Why didn't I think to just say:  "Yes, you are!!"

Well, hopefully if something like this ever happens again, I'll remember some of the ideas here and put them into play.  One thing seems sure......there are lot's of ways of handling pushy/bully types.  And it's not like I've never handled them before either.  But I am out of practice.  And I do think this person pushed buttons that I thought were dead/de-wired/not in use.

One of the things I love about my job is that there is very, very little stress....most of the time.  Compared to what I used to do, it's night and day.  I am relaxed at work and I like what I do and my boss (my H) is very good to me (it helps that we don't work right under eachother's faces).  I'm usually happy at work and cheerful and I smile at people who come in and I like to be friendly and most of them I know (repeat customers or sales people we deal with regularly) and so when something so off the wall like this happens......something so out of the ordinary.....I guess I have to switch to "assertive mode" and be quick about it.  I have to think and try to react thoughtfully!!

When it comes down to it, I was like the bunny in the headlights.  Frozen the minute my anger took over.  I felt unable to turn that switch off, which really upset me.  As I said, I don't usually do that.  Then again, I don't usually deal with people like her either.  I hope I've learned something and can put it into practice, if I ever have to deal with someone similar again.

Thanks for all of your input and support.  I really appreciate ya'll taking the time.  It all helps.

Sela

[teartracks]

Hi,

Who was it that said, Young man if silence is golden, you are bankrupt!  For me, dealing with a bully is far easier than with a 'talkamatic' who refuses to shut up no matter what you do or say.  They will talk you into the far horizon and never miss a beat or 'get it'.    The idea of getting into a public/common area and escaping to a fire room would work for the talker type for sure.   

tt

[Sela]

Well I'm down to page 9 of new replies to my posts.

No wonder I miss when people repond.  I've been trying to go by memory (which is not all it's cracked up to be....as a matter of fact.....it's cracked up alright!).

So Hey Bean!  Belated thanks for saying my response was "normal" and all.  I have a feeling that saying what I feel like doing, at the time, might be taken as a threat and I'm not sure I'd want to get into that kind of altercation.  But I love the idea of it!!

And belated thanks to you too TT.  Yes.  Storm's idea is a realistic option.  Now all I have to do is remember all of this if a similar situation arises again.

Oh no!  Relying on memory again!  Maybe I better study this thread! 

Thanks all.

Sela