Law of the Jungle, Self-interest, Creating Trust

[Lupita]

I believe in abundance. People who have abundance do not mind to share. The issue is on the definition of abundance. Abundance is in the mind of each person. Many people feel full with some amount of money and share whatever they have with others, and some people, it does not matter what they have, they always feel they do not have enough and they cannot help others or share becauase they feel that they are in constant need.
I know people who move into beigger houses and still fill it with things they buy, they dont get rid of anything, and then need a bigger house and they still fill the new house.
People who feel well and satisfied will share. It does not matter how much they have, but how much they feel they have.

[lighter]

Hi guys,

I think I have in the past mixed up trust with dependency because I was very lonely and in a lot of pain I hadn't learned the causes of. It went this way:

I trust you? Oh goody, that means I will fling my amputated octopus limbs around you, start squeezing and clamping, and then be utterly annihilated when you edge away, uncomfortable.

(This would be one good reason I've been single a long while now. I can't imagine doing the octopus routine again.)

I notice that as I age, I am more confident, generally. I pick on myself less. I pick on other people less. I'm less shocked by disappointments and I take them less personally. I forgive fast. And I also spread my needs for companionship and company around, so I never lean too hard on one person.

If I'm lucky enough to marry again, I believe I would never be hunting the sort of desperate fusion I wanted (or thought I wanted) before. I think it would actually feel nice to be two people walking around in their separate skins, finding delight when we come together for a laugh or for sex or touch or to make music and tell stories, but being happy on our own, preoccupied, too. I don't think I'd want so much from a companion, just a deep comfortable sense of company.

I belong to myself first now, and I feel less brittle about it. This may have been the gift within the problem all along...coming home for 8 searing years of caring for my Nmother, and several relationships with Nmen was like a passage through fire. It burned awfully, but now...I no longer feel that new relationships in my life will be travesties.

Maybe I was mud and now I'm a pot.

Pottily,
Hops

Love your post, Hops.  Beared repeating: )

[Hopalong]

Thanks very much, Lighter.
It was a healing thing to write...

Bless this board!

Hops

[lighter]

I believe in abundance. People who have abundance do not mind to share. The issue is on the definition of abundance. Abundance is in the mind of each person. Many people feel full with some amount of money and share whatever they have with others, and some people, it does not matter what they have, they always feel they do not have enough and they cannot help others or share becauase they feel that they are in constant need.
I know people who move into beigger houses and still fill it with things they buy, they dont get rid of anything, and then need a bigger house and they still fill the new house.
People who feel well and satisfied will share. It does not matter how much they have, but how much they feel they have.

I think that there are people who believe there won't be enough for them IF anyone else has ANYTHING.  These people suck.  We're not one of them.