Wanting to scream with frustration

[tayana]

I don't know what's worse having the nmom not speak or having her try to take over.  I just want to scream.  Now, she's being helpful.

First she called to rag on the size truck I rented, so I got a bigger truck.  Then when I called her to tell her I'd gotten the bigger truck, she starts in on how my dad shouldn't be moving me.  I said, if you want me to hire a mover, just tell me, and I will. I know about how much that will cost.  "No, don't do that.  Your dad is determined he's going to move you."

So then she starts in on a washer and dryer.  I have to buy a washer and dryer.  So she starts telling me how the ones she has are the top of the line and how much they'll cost.  ANd how I should get a used set, which I didn't want to do, because a new one will cost too much.

ARRRGH!  Arrgh!  Arrrgh!

I just want to go beat my head against the wall.

[CB123]

Tayana,

Repeat after me:

It's almost over.  It's almost over.  It's almost over.

Sorry this is so frustrating.  I sure do feel for you.  Reminder for why you are leaving, right?

CB

[tayana]

Yes, CB, definitely a reminder of why I'm leaving.

I wish she would just back off.

[lighter]

Tayana:

Just be glad she isn't threatening suicide and hugging M while wailing that her heart is breaking. 

You knew she'd pull this craziness.  I'm just sorry there isn't any way to stop how it makes you feel.

((tayana))  It'll be over soon and you'll be feeling much clearer and positive once you're out of your mother's house.

[Ami]

Everyone is right, Tayana. You are in the last part of the ordeal. It is almost over and she did not threaten suicide, as you had feared.
   Her crazy making behavior reminds me of my M. Every little thing( washer and dryer etc) is so huge.. Every little dot is made in to a mountain.
   You are doing great. You don't have to have the "perfect" behavior. You never will please her, anyway. Just do what feels right to you. You are doing really well, so far. I know that you can keep it up until the end                            Love  Ami

[JanetLG]

Tayana,

You are so nearly there, so close to getting away from her, and she knows that. She's soooo desperate, your descriptions of her comments just scream off the page 'desperation!!!'

Taking over your moving arrangements, buying you stuff that either you don't need, or that you want to be buying yourself - it's all so OBVIOUS.

But just keep at it. You'll be out in a few days, and she can then do just what the hell she wants. You'll still be separate from her, in your own place, with your son. You're doing the right thing, and she's running out of ideas to keep you there.

Just you wait till you post here that you're out - there'll be a global cheer going up!

Janet

[tayana]

These last few days seem like they are taking forever.  I will be so glad when it's over.  I've already decided I'll ask my SIL to watch my son on those two days that I couldn't get off work.  It's silly to make him go to camp when I'm home.  I don't think we are going to go to my parents for the Fourth.  I have things I want to do.  We'll go to the movies.  He wants to see Transformers, put some things away and go to the fireworks here.  It will be so nice to be away from her for a while.

She keeps acting like I'm destitute as far as money and telling my I'm not going to be able to afford this or that.  I can afford things just fine, thank you.  I saved money for this move, so I know what I can spend.

[Sela]

Anything to maintain that feeling of being in control......

Anything to avoid talking about the real issue.....your leaving......her behaviour......

Anything to keep from having to face the shame......her own shame......

Anything to instill/promote guilt.....in you and your son....

Anything to Keep the focus on....... YOU  being the wrong-doer.....YOU unable to take care of yourself/son....YOU being responsible for her misery......

And best of all.........

Anything to Try to make it LOOK as IFFFFF she's actually acting to HELP you, you poor, poor thing and your poor, poor son!

Anything to Make you out to be helpless/hopeless while sheeeeeeeee is the victim/martyr.

  Do they all come out of the same mold?

Sela

[lighter]

These last few days seem like they are taking forever.  I will be so glad when it's over.  I've already decided I'll ask my SIL to watch my son on those two days that I couldn't get off work.  It's silly to make him go to camp when I'm home.  I don't think we are going to go to my parents for the Fourth.  I have things I want to do.  We'll go to the movies.  He wants to see Transformers, put some things away and go to the fireworks here.  It will be so nice to be away from her for a while.

She keeps acting like I'm destitute as far as money and telling my I'm not going to be able to afford this or that.  I can afford things just fine, thank you.  I saved money for this move, so I know what I can spend.

I wouldn't tell her what you can and can't afford.  I'd just let her keep blowing hard and stay on the path of freedom. 

Maybe she thinks she's sabotaged you well enough with all that identity theft stuff she pulled? 

Maybe she just wants to scare you or for it to be true that you can't afford to take care of yourself?

In any case, it doesn't matter, you'll never figure it out but you will get happy with your son and enjoy that movie and fire works display with your son so stay focused on THAT.

I feel for you with regard to time passing so slowly while under all that pressure.  It's strange how that goes but rest assured it's normal and you'll be out soon so don't dwell on it.  Endure and run away, according to plan; ) 

[Lupita]

My apologies, I posted this in another thread. I was mean to be for Tayana.
Thank you. God bless you.

Do not forget dear Tayana,

Breath slowly

Count to ten

Put your imaginary helmeth.  The information is not entering through your helmet. You are looking from the outside. The helmeth does not let you hear. It is like you did not hear anything. Just smile. Do not engage, just detach. You can never win an agument with an N. They are not reasonable.

You can do it. You can take care of your self. You are strong.

Practice meditation. Say to your self, it is not going to affect me whatever she says. It will not affect me.

Tell your self in front of the mirror, "I am going to have a good day"

Love to you.

Lupita

[tayana]

Thank you, everyone.

We had a mother/daughter shopping trip tonight.  I always dread these things, and I always pick out things she doesn't like just because she doesn't like them.

I wouldn't tell her what you can and can't afford.  I'd just let her keep blowing hard and stay on the path of freedom.

I have not said a word to her about how much money I have.  What I can afford.  My secret bank account.  The amount in my checking and savings accounts.  I do not intend to say a word.  I just intend to buy my new things without using a credit card unless.  I do not intend to rack up a ton of credit bills for new items, not even my washer and dryer, if I can avoid it.  She thinks I live paycheck to paycheck and doesn't realize that I've slowly paid off all my debts, except for one credit card that I'll have paid off soon.

Sela, you are exactly correct.  Anything to avoid addressing the real issue here.  Her dishonesty about the credit card fraud.  Her hurtful, hateful comments to me.  Her abuse.  No, she doesn't want to talk about that because then she'll be at fault, and she wants to avoid that.

Lupita, thank you.  I will do this.  I will put on my imaginary helmet and just let her words bounce off.  I did pretty good on our shopping trip when she was trying to choose things for me.

[lighter]

<adjusting Lupita's helmet>

It looks good, Lupita: )