Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
getting ready to face the lion
Anonymous:
Dear Anika,
You have probably made a very good decision. My first thought about her wanting you to sing for her before the ceremony was 'how would she try to undermine your performance'? If I translate that to what I think my mother would do, assuming they always react from their narcissim, would be to make sure that you felt bad enough about yourself so as not to surpass their own feeling about themeselves. I've learned one thing for certain and that is that the narcissist needs to keep their 'victims' vulnerable and available for them to 'feed off of'. By that I mean that their needs are only met by others seeing them as srtonger, more capable or admirable and the only way to ensure that that happens is to keep you feeling badly about yourself or your circumstances.
So, sing well and enjoy yourself.
Pat
Anika:
I don't think that she wanted to berate me or undermine my performance in any way. One of the diagnosis characteristics of NPD is that they think they deserve special treatment. That's what she was wanting: a private performance BEFORE anyone else got to hear me. She called me two more times yesterday and I politely told her that I did not have time to talk to her. That's the end of it (period).
She wants so badly to be in my life and to have a say in my life and she just doesn't. Like I said, after I realized what was going on I changed my entire mind set. I will no longer walk on egg shells with her. I do not fear her wrath. I will NOT give in to her manipulation or break under her projection. I see her now for what she truely is: a very intelligent, charismatic, SICK person.
I have learned how to recognize the sickness and what to do when it rears its ugly head. One should never give in to a whinning child because it teaches the child that whinning will get him/her his/her way. The same holds true for a N!
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