Characteristics of N mothers

[Stormchild]

Believe it or not, the author of that piece actually visited this board awhile ago! But it was months back.

I'll see if I can find a link to her posts.

Meanwhile, this really jumped out at me:

... any time that you tell her you’ve done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn’t live through her abuse would never believe the connection.

This is a standard game played by abusers. Once you know how to see it, it jumps out at you as if it had been outlined in thick, black crayon. But until you know how to see it, it shimmers and hides under the surface of things. Which is one of the maddening aspects of having an abusive N parent... so much of their stuff is so gaslighty, that very few people can really put it together well enough to see the pattern emerge. So we fight our battles alone.

edit in: here's one http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=3258.msg53834#msg53834

and another: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=3261.msg53836#msg53836

and another: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=3368.msg55509#msg55509

and I think this is the thread she popped in on first: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=3153.msg52736#msg52736

Yeah, this was a while ago. September - October 06. Ten months back.