Snap out of it!

[Overcomer]

You guys-we need to snap out of it!  I do it and I can see others do it as well.  We say it over and over again-we have been wounded.  We have been brainwashed.  We have no self esteem.  We are filled with shame.  But everytime we confess with our mouths and verbalize those things me give them power over us.  We need to tell ourselves that it is the N in our lives who are screwed up and we are not going to accept their B S!  I am tired of hearing how we allow our N to control our lives!!

[isittoolate]

Hi OC
I agree that rehashing, over and over, what the N did is just keeping a person mired in the trauma.

I did it myself, and one day I heard nothing but my voice going on and on and the N's name and what he did and I realized how much power he still had over me and my voice and I hadn't moved on at all.

What I had to do was "take a vacation" from anyone to whom I used to spout off and work on me--that helped as well as the NC with the N.

Then find a therapist and talk about YOU, and work on you to rid yourself of going over an over everything the N did. Don't let him/her keep controlling your thoughts and actions.

It takes time but you have to 'appear selfish' and think only of yourself from that relationship, then, as in my case, I realized why I was vulnerable to an N.

Izzy

[James73]

OC and Izz damn straight, **** em!! thats what I say, get angry punch something, prefrably something soft like an N's head! Dwelling on what an N has done to us and analysing them is a pointless process if thats all we end up doing. Get angry at the piece of **** that made our lives crap and then forget them and use the anger, channel it, into making ourselves stronger, better people. Pick something you dont like about yourself or life, or something you want to acheive and then use the anger generated by thinking about the N to motivate you and acheive your goal. It works a treat, if I find myself flagging at something I know is healthy and constructive and hard work, I picture an N and a scenario that makes my blood boil and my mind seeth and then I look back in the petrol tank and find it full again and away I go, weeeeeee! 

[Overcomer]

My point exactly!  Words have meaning and the spoken word has power, therefore by confessing the atrocities they did to us perpetuates the abuse!  Rise above and quit whining.  Tell yourself you have got what it takes to climb out of your pit!  They do not have power over you unless you let them!  Learn to say no!  Learn to set boundaries!  Learn to love yourself!  I love myself!  I am thin and cute and nice and I think the world of myself in a non M sort of way!

[James73]

Amen to that! I used to think about things that happened to me with shame and guilt feeling I was worthless, day in day out going over and reliving my worst moments of embarassment and shame, pah sod that now, if I could go back in time id kick myself in the face really hard and say get up you idiot and fight back!! Your not worthless, you are just mentally weak and its time to get mentally tough, stop letting others lead you and lead yourself, do not fear life and success, embrace it!! I was mentally weak, in fact extremely weak which came about through my own cowardness in not facing up to others and through devious wicked ways of others. I AM NO LONGER WEAK!!! I used to have no motivation and now I use my N hatred and anger at my past weakness to fuel myself like I could never of imagined!

[Overcomer]

And all of you can yell-I AM MAD AS HELL AND I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

[Stormchild]

And all of you can yell-I AM MAD AS HELL AND I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Be careful what you pray for, you might get it... I've been in precisely that mood since this weekend, majorly fed up in certain areas. I'm having feistiness attacks left and right.

The most disturbing aspect is that it feels necessary. Like what Ami is going through right now, in fact very very similar.

I'm not always happy with my reactions and responses right now, but I'm finding it difficult to disagree with my gut, when I go back and look at things, dang if I'm not even more convinced by the facts that I was by my feelings.

Keep an eye out, Kelly. When this gets started, it's a wild ride. To a good place, ultimately, I hope, but it's a wild ride.

[Overcomer]

I have been on tug ride for some time now and nothing is going to stop me and I hope you and Am too!

[Overcomer]

Am:  This one is for you!  We are so proud of you here and I wrote this post for all of us who are breaking free.  My Aunt is going to loan me the book GET OUT OF THAT PIT by Beth Moore-I am not sure if it applies to us who have been beaten down by our own mothers but clearly my Aunt can identify that I am in a pit that needs to be gotten out of.  I need to stop giving my mom power by acknowledging that she has it!  We can do this-our moms suck but we can snap out of the mind games they play !

[tayana]

Amen, Overcomer.

And I am mad as hell, and I don't intend to take anymore.

I got approved for my assertiveness class.  And I only have two more nights to sleep in that house, then I'm in my own place.  I can cook my own food.  Wash my clothes the way I want.  Raise my son how I want.  And I don't have to look back.

[Overcomer]

That is right!  You can do whatever you want and that is freedom!