Author Topic: Advice  (Read 2567 times)

tayana

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Advice
« on: July 05, 2007, 05:11:38 PM »
Today was the first day I had to leave my dog alone at the apartment.  Normally, he's a very well-behaved dog, and he'd been doing well with short periods of being left alone.  The blind in my bedroom was already going to be replaced, so I wasn't too worried that he bent another of the veins.  The blind was broken to begin with.  Against my better judgement, I closed the door to the bedroom when I left him alone this afternoon, and he tore a hole in my carpet.  I will be crating him from now on.  I will probably have to retrain him to stay in the crate, since he hasn't been staying in the crate when left alone.

My nmom's suggestion is to talk to some of her "flooring people," remove a section of carpet from a closet, cover up the area that was ripped, then buy a section of carpet to go in the closet.  I want to come clean to the apartment manager.  She told me they would likely ask me to get rid of the dog and probably ask me to move since I've only been here four days.  Now, I know a lot of other residents have dogs, much larger dogs, and I'm certain some of those dogs, chew, mess the floor, etc.  No doubt, the maintenance staff already has a section of carpet, expressly for this purpose.  I paid a $300 pet deposit, plus a security deposit on the apt. to cover damages that I might make.  I know I can't be the only person who's rented there who had a dog tear a hole in the carpet.

I know this isn't really the purpose of the board, but the maintenace guy is coming tomorrow to replace the blind.  I could just ask about the carpet then, and I really prefer honesty rather than trying to hide the damage and cover it up.  That's what my mom always does, tries to cover things up and that makes it worse.
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You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
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Ami

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Re: Advice
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2007, 05:45:56 PM »
Dear Tayana,
   I think that you should follow your heart and your integrity. Our mothers stole our integrity. A big part of healing is to become a person of integrity.(IMO)I think that we will have more confidence if we make our decisions based on integrity. If we are wrong, at least we did it with a "true: heart. I think that I have found a route to become whole. I will try to act with integrity and character. If I screw up, I will be able to live with it.In the end, we will feel so much better about ourselves.
"Normal" people are taught to be persons of character.. I was deprived of being taught character values by my mother, She laughed at them.They were for"lesser people"
   Part of my differentiation from her is to have character. I feel much better when I operate in integrity.
                     Love  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2007, 08:54:43 PM »
Bean,

I'll sleep on it.  I do think I'm going to have to have it fixed though, there's a hole in the floor now, and it bothers me.  I put a rug over it.

CB, there's actually nothing in the lease agreement about pets, or damage from pets.  There was a separate sheet that I signed agreeing to pay the pet deposit.  That was pretty much it.  There was nothing about what happens if there's damage.  I might go get a rug especially for that area though.  I have one there, but it doesn't fit real well.

We are doing a little training right now.  The dog has been put in his crate with a toy filled with peanut butter.  I'm trying to get him back to where he likes to stay in his crate again.  Although, I'm not taking my mother's suggestion and crating him for the time while I'm at work, and then again at night.  He'd end up being in the crate for over 16 hours.  That's wrong.

I'm going to stop taking her suggestions, I think.  I knew better than to shut the door.  The next time, I'll just raise the blind and leave him loose to my bedroom.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

lighter

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Re: Advice
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2007, 07:55:38 AM »
tayana.... you don't know how long you'll be in that apartment and they have to replace the carpet every so many years and they put in very cheap carpet.  Take that little piece out of a closet and keep paying your rent.  Don't worry about it.  Crate your dog, maybe he'll settle down but for now he's adjusting too. 

You may find that all the carpet doesn't look so hot when your lease is up.  Maybe it's already been lived on a few years and they'll have to replace it in any case soon?  You just don't know for sure and it's your apartment right now.  Don't go telling them your dog ate the carpet already, lol.  This is just a small thing, keep that in mind. 


On the other hand.... it's JUST carpet.  Maybe the maintenance man can GET you a little piece from remnants that you can piece into that spot?  Try not to worry about it.  It'll be ok. 

tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2007, 11:59:00 AM »
Lighter,

I put a rug over it, and I decided I'd just fix it at a later date, and if the piece I get to replace the piece of carpet in the closet isn't an exact color, oh well.  That's what I paid a security and pet deposit for.  I think this complex replaces the carpet with each tenant anyway.

The dog is crated today, and I'll be going home in a few minutes to check on him.  I left him with a rawhide, one of my old shirts, and a kong stuffed with peanut butter. 

He seemed happy enough when I left him.  I won't be closing the door to my room if he's left loose anymore.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2007, 03:20:37 PM »
The dog was calm and seemed happy when I went home.  He hadn't torn up anything, and he hadn't been barking.  He has to stay in the crate a little longer this afternoon, but I think he'll be okay.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

Ami

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Re: Advice
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2007, 03:20:43 PM »
Tayana,
   I wanted to mention about "rawhide". People should not give dogs anything that resembles something that they don't want them to get in to. For example, he won't know the difference between the rawhide and your shoes.
   I give mine socks',but it won't kll me if they ruin socks I make whole wheat  toast( cooked a few times in the toaster) and give it to them . Sometimes, I put jelly on it, if i don;t mind cleaning up the mess.Today,my little one found a broccoli stem and loved it. I try apples or carrots,too
  You sound really happy in your new place. You deserve the happiness. You worked hard enough to get it-- all on your own-- against tremendous odds                           Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2007, 03:40:58 PM »
He's never chewed up a shoe, but he loves those "rawhide" bones.  He gets a new one about once a month.  He didn't chew on it while I was gone.  It looked like he was too busy with his Kong toy.  I think I'll get some cheap spreads to keep and put in his toy.  :)

Thanks, Ami.  I have such a mess at home, but it's a good mess.  I'm really tired during the day, but when I get home, I don't have that drained feeling that I was having.  I feel really energized.  Of course, this isn't helping me sleep, because I want to work at midnight.  :shock:
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

Stormchild

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Re: Advice
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2007, 10:42:43 PM »
I have such a mess at home, but it's a good mess.  I'm really tired during the day, but when I get home, I don't have that drained feeling that I was having.  I feel really energized.  Of course, this isn't helping me sleep, because I want to work at midnight.  :shock:

This is so good to read, tayana.

Speaking of which, I am going to take another look at your blog, right now :-).

PS I'm with lighter: my apartment had some pet damage to the carpet from the previous tenant, but the rugs were still quite useable. The maintenance engineers cut and plugged from one of the closet carpets, and then they put a bit of new carpet [that didn't match as well] in to fill the gap in the closet. I'm happy, the rug's all the same color, the cats could care less [they're colorblind], hey.
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tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2007, 12:30:52 AM »
Lots of updates on my blog, Stormy.  :)

My mother is now on this whole thing where she thinks I'm blaming her for what the dog did.  I'm not.  I  only said that I knew better and should have left the bedroom door open.  I never said I blamed her.  So we are back to not speaking. 

My brother called tonight, and I told him that once I get my fish and my washer and dryer here, and M is at camp, I'm not going to visit or talk to them for a while.  If they call here, that's fine, but I'm not talking to them for a little bit.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

changing

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Re: Advice
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2007, 11:17:54 PM »
Hello Tayana-

I am so proud of you! It is so hard to learn how to avoid becoming reenmeshed with an N, and with the dance steps both know all too well after years of rehearsal. My NH left at about the same time that you moved into your new place. I have felt the peace that you have described, and the uncertainty as well. He has also called and tried to upset me, much like your Mom. With the benefit of peaceful reflection, it is so much easier to detach and make better decisions.
You are the master of your own fate now. Your son and your dog will adjust to the changes, you'll see! Enjoy your new life and freedom.

Hugs,

Changing

tayana

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Re: Advice
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2007, 11:55:42 PM »
Changing,

My son is really starting to like it at his new home.  He's been doing chores and helping out, which he never did with my mom around.  I still have to ask him to clean up, but it's not like at the old house where he's being yelled at constantly.  Or else being babied, which in my opinion was just as bad as yelling.

Granted, a lot of his toys are still at the other house.  My mom wouldn't let him pack them, we're getting there though.  Slowly, but surely.

My mom will say nothing to me unless it's meant to hurt or be critical.  She will call me at work just to make some critical statement.  I will be so glad to be away from her and completely free.
http://tayana.blogspot.com

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot
do.
-Elanor Roosevelt

changing

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Re: Advice
« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2007, 12:07:05 AM »
Tayana-

You are so strong- your son must feel so much more secure and happy now (as I am sure that you do as well) ! Your mother has lost control . Remember to keep your boundaries secure against anyone who does not support you and your accomplishments and dreams. Your time is too precious- "Cast ye not pearls before swine". The poor piggies just can't appreciate the treasure. The world is YOUR oyster!

Hugs,

Changing