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Hubby's N Mother Resurfaces (father too)

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Lizbeth:
My husband cut his mother out of our lives several years back, for very, very good reasons.  She is a true N.  His father isn't much better.  We have not talked to him for quite a few years as well, because he borrowed money from us under false pretenses (when we had small children to feed and could not afford it) and has never paid it back nor apologized for it.  Of course, when you lend money to a friend or relative and they don't pay you back, YOU somehow become the bad guy.

Anyway, hubby's birthday this year coincides with Easter.  Several days before Easter he got a card from his mother.  This makes him sick to his stomach, so I open it and read it.  The usual saccariney garbage.  I shred it and throw it away for him, at his request.

Friday morning the postman delivers a package from her, with "delivery confirmation" sticker on it (she paid to confirm he still is at the same address, I suppose, because we have not responded to her sporadic cards the past few years).  This really upsets him, so I tell him I'll take it to work, put it in a box unopened, and put a request for no furhter contact IN WRITING THIS TIME in the box with it.  This seems to satisfy his desire to get the filthy thing out of the house.  I did this for him today.  She will receive the package tomorrow or the next day, I assume.  She is the cheapest person on the face of the earth, the only reason she would send a gift plus pay for the postage and delivery confirmation, is for her own gain.

Anyway, on his birthday, yesterday, his father called on hubby's cell phone (his half-sister must have given him the number) and was hinting about not having his taxes done yet (hubby works for the govt as a forensic auditor and we also have a tax prep and financial service business) and then launches into this garbage about his mother.  Won't he have regrets if he doesn't get back into a relationship with her etc.  Mind you, this man divorced his mother years ago and never saw his son until he was about 16, and then started a relationship with him in his 20's, early 30's until the money incident.  I was sitting next to him when he was on the phone with his father and mumbled "if he is so concerned about her, why did he divorce her, she was his wife?"  His father heard something, but not what I said, too bad, it's the truth.  Hubby got off the phone with him a few minutes later, not taking the bait about the taxes and not letting get into it him about his mother any further.

We were both incredulous for a little while at the gall of his father, but more importantly, suspicious of his motivation.  Both his parents KNOW we are doing well now (through other family members) and I KNOW in my heart the only motivation they have is how we can benefit them financially.

I'd like to strangle his sister for giving out the cell number to her father, but she probably has good motives.  She is misguided but a nice person.  

Anyway, I am happy that we have deflected the efforts of these two people to use us again but sad that they use their son's birthday to their own gain.  Some people never change.

Lizbeth

Anonymous:
Hi Lizbeth,

I think what's great about this story is how unified and cohesive you and your husband are on this issue. To be so supportive of each other, that must greatly strengthen your resolve. How sad for you to have such parents but how fortunate you are to have each other.

CG

Lizbeth:
As an update, we have not heard a peep from hubby's N mom.  She had to have received the package back days ago.  I know she must have gone into a rage and blamed me for it, but we have not heard a peep, which is a relief.  It felt good to send the package back because I had to endure her foul mouth and abuse over "stealing her baby" until we had had enough garbage from her and decided to cut her out of our lives entirely several years ago (5 or so, I think).  She has been trying to weasel her way back in since then, with sporadic cards and gifts.  It won't work, neither will her getting into cahoots with her ex.  He has his own family but N mother-in-law recently moved into the same small town.  That is why I know this one-two punch on hubby's birthday was not a coincidence, especially with the sanctimonious garbage coming out of father-in-law's mouth.  We both know that all they are interested in is money.

Funny thing is, we have been practicing no-contact with her long before we knew anything about N's.  She is a full-blown N.  Drug addict, ex-prostitute, never worked a day in her life, total user and abuser.  That's my mother-in-law.

Lizbeth

paige t:
for sharing your story!  It made me feel very hopeful that my husband and I can get away from our toxic parents permantly.  Relief, so much relief.  
Paige

Anonymous:
Hi Paige:

Of course, we moved out of state years ago (NY to NJ) so that distance helps.  But it can be done.  Once you get over the misplaced guilt, it becomes easier.  No one has the right to treat you badly, no matter who they are.

Good luck and stick around here for support!

Liz



--- Quote from: paige t ---for sharing your story!  It made me feel very hopeful that my husband and I can get away from our toxic parents permantly.  Relief, so much relief.  
Paige
--- End quote ---

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