Coming for solace

[Gaining Strength]

I am tired to my bones.  I've just taken my little boy to Sunday School so I could come home and pack for his overnight camp.  I was simply far to tired to do so last night.

He was very unhappy about the clothes I dressed him in today and we went round and round.  I explained to him that I was out of enegy (my computer just magically erased an entire paragraph and I am too tired to reconstruct it.)

Basically I find that I am demanding from him and he responds with protests.  This is not helping in the least.  Why does it seem to take so much more enegy to coax out a cooperative spirit than to demand it with promise of reward or punishment.  I am so tired and stand here knowing that I have spent a lifetime surrounded by people who had no ability nor desire to nurture but to coerce and controll. 

I'm tired.  There must be another way.  I long for cooperation.  I am sure I can do something to change this.

I don't want to live in this world of antagonism any longer.  I want to be in a world of encouragement and support.  That is how this life should be and seems to be for so many.  I want in that world.

[Overcomer]

GS:  What I have found that emotional energy spent makes us tired.  Sometimes just going round and round with my mom makes me want to sleep.  After a funeral, I just need to sleep.  When people exercise, it would make sense that they should be tired but most often just the opposite happens......we feel energized.  Take it easy.  Lay on the couch and read a book or watch a movie....you deserve it!!

[Ami]

[qI don't want to live in this world of antagonism any longer.  I want to be in a world of encouragement and support.  That is how this life should be and seems to be for so many.  I want in




Dear GS,
  How old is your son? One thought is that he is afraid of going to camp( and you may be apprehensive,too). Things are always "crazy" before departures- no matter who they are or how old they are. People usually get in to fights before any type of trips(IME)
   My other thought is the quote above.
   I hear you asking what  gets me in to  a LOT of trouble  I look at   other people  who seem to be living life better, easier ,more loving, more accepting and   having better relationships than I do. I feel really inadequate and less than.
   My mother taught me that there WERE perfect people. I am reevaluating it,now
   Sorry that you are hurting. It is so hard when your kids are young. I love it now that mine are older. It WILL get better. Sometimes,it is simply really,really hard and really,really tiring      Love    Am

                        ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GS)))))))))))))))))))))))))i

[Hopalong]

Hi GS,

Kids are barometers of tension.
Maybe he senses yours?

They don't have the maturity to sef-soothe in hope of soothing an adult.

Bummer. I hope things are eased.
He needs you.

Maybe he feels a little out of things, since the whole grandfather-court drama
is so consuming of you, and he can't understand it all.

I bet camp would be good for him, just to be a happy kid...

hugs to you both,
Hops

[pennyplant]

((((((GS)))))))

It really has been just too much for you.  I can remember so many tussles over similar things when my oldest was small and it was all on top of other things that were quite overwhelming to me.  What you really need is for life to be better.  But it's going to take awhile yet.  Please, be kind to yourself, and know you are doing your very best and your very best is really pretty good.  You have more on your plate than most people do.  I bet those other people who seem happier probably have it easier than you do.  If they had your struggles I bet they wouldn't be handling it half as good as you are.

Get some rest every chance you have.  Find a book or movie or snack to relax with every so often and really concentrate on it while you can.  Any time spent not thinking about the struggles will be time spent in a little healing.

Love, Pennyplant

[WRITE]

I want to be in a world of encouragement and support.

I hear you GS, and I support and encourage you and send you my best love in a trying time.

~W

[motheroffour]

I wish for that same world too. Kind of inspires me to work on that with my own kids while they are small.  How do I react when things don't go so well?  Do I create a world of encouragement and support?  I will keep trying.  Finding myself and my boundaries is helping.  I am starting to feel my capacities for these increasing.  It is kind of like orienting myself to my boundaries shows me how much I have to give.  More than not, I pray that my little ones will be protected while I am healing and don't have much to give.

I agree with the the idea of listening to ourselves when we have had enough!  When the tank is empty.  It comes down to listening and selfcare.  Trying to do that myself.  My tank has been on empty.  Went and got a pedicure!  My life might be a mess....but I have pretty toes!

Much love to all,
mof4

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks CB.  That's it.  You nailed it.  I was looking for cooperation where it wasn't going to manifest.  Facts are facts.  Six year olds will buck their moms. 

I am making a transition that I have been longing to make.  I have remained trapped in another expectation with my parents that will never be.  I am on the verge of being able to step in and be my own guide.  I am so very close.  For the first time I am able to see the transition needed to step out of the anxiety and into development.  It completely requires accepting the limitations and anti-parental aspects of my parents who had enough power and derangement to prefer to quash me, my dreams and my abilities.  There is no more time to mourn these things only time to step out of that unfortunate set of circumstances and move on.  I am thankful to be on the edge of this significant step.

Here's a picture of my little one posted on his camp's website from yesterday.  What amazing things technology can do these days.  Mine is superman in the middle.



And at the sock hop


I'm leaving town for a couple of weeks.  I don't know if there is computer access.  My father has another hearing Monday July 23rd and then another August 3.  I have figured out something about my reaction to my mother.  It is very subtle but has been a powerful force in my life.  I think I am about to overcome it.  I feel very strongly that I am on the verge of breaking free from the hold my N parents have had on my life.  The best I can describe it is to say that I am finding a way to move from fear to determination.  In other words, when I set out to accomplish something what I have always felt was indescribable fear which I now know came from years of criticism (regardless of the outcome) - living in a no win situation.  Now when I feel that I, (for the first time) am able to move out of the fear state and into a state of determination.  When I make this switch, everything will change. - Thanks for listening.

[Hopalong]

He's beautiful, GS! And he has your eyes.

Good good luck with the hearing. And I hope out of town means vacation.

You deserve one!

Hops

[pennyplant]

What a cute little guy!

GS, you're doing great.  It feels good to make these real changes in how we feel and how we respond to the problem people of the world.

 

Pennyplant

[Ami]

Dear GS,
   Your son is adorable. You are an inspiration to me--- move out of fear  ........WOW .        Love  Ami

[Gaining Strength]

Drove 5 1/2 hours late last night to get home for yet another hearing this morning and then it's 5 1/2 hours back to vacation land for one last restorative week.

I am very thankful that I have been making real progress on changing my thoughts.  I am getting much stronger and finding a path out of te fear that I have been unwittingly living in.  I hope to figure out how to get on line this next week.  I have so much I want to share with this board.

I am learning how to focus on creating a real future for me and my son.  I really want to share that and hear what some of you think.  So thankful for this place - GS

[CB123]

I'm thrilled for you, GS.  I'm looking forward to hearing all your insights. 

And how wonderful that you have a break from everything in the midst of the chaos of dealing with your dad.  What a gift!

Love
CB

[bigalspal]

Hi GS,
Kids can sure be a handful!
I'm not sure I have anything to add to what everybody else has said, but I can give my own experience.
My kids are now grown & most have kids of their own.
My oldest daughter who is 28, loves to act like she is my mother, protector, & friend.
All that is great, I'm glad. Except for the MOTHER part.
MY husband & I bought a new house last year & she thinks we are too old to make any decisions about it. She wants to pick out colors, fabrics, ect.
I had some men over to do some work outside. I told her what color I was having the secret garden (that's what we call it) fence painted. Of course this was the wrong color. She was pretty upset. My husband thinks it's because when we die she thinks she's getting the house! LOL!
She wants to make sure it's decorated to her tastes.
So, I guess, GS, it never really ends, does it? We try to raise them when they are young, & then they try to raise us when we get old.
Love,
Bigalspal

[Ami]

Dear GS,
   Looking forward to hearing from you                     Love    Ami