I'd have to hibernate for 2 days to get over what you've just been through.
it does feel like lots of little things going wrong lately....when I got home there was a notice from the apartment community, if I was staying they are raising the rent! and the COBRA forms arrived and it's going to be $470 not $400.
I bumped into one of the ladies from the concert the other night ( I think I told you they were too mean to let son and I sit with them, good church people that they are! ) She said 'did you go to the concert?'
I was talking to her there!
what plan do you have in place for getting yourself back on track with the illness?
I have a care plan which has evolved over a few years.
It's not as easy as just take/go/do this though Lighter, it's a delicate balance this illness and one of the reasons people have so much chaos with it is they experiment so much with trying to cure the symptoms. I decided with the psych doc a few months ago to continue as long as I can bear it as I am, the last time I hit the meds it gained me 60 lb and took a year to get well again. I slept for months, would just take son to school then go to bed until it was time to go get him. I have to be more functional than that financially now, but also- life wasn't worth living. I was a walking zombie.
How do you handle the BPD proactively?
this is as good as it gets dear! By managing the moods and accepting the pain and minimising stress and maximising self-care.
You should see how it can be....my new psych prof doc says I am managing it as well as is possible, he thinks I should take 'breaks' with diazepam though, because it's so hard to cope with mood swings unmedicated.
I'll go back and see him in the fall, it is $300 a time though so I can't go often.
How do you stop that cycle,
I have decided no more trying to settle at churches. I will flit around like I did before and just sing sometimes. No sermons, no Sunday School and any sexism/racism/intolerance I shall get up and leave. I don't have the spare resources to challenge it all but I certainly won't be part of it. That's my tiny protest!!!
Most folks find it hard to hear that intimate and
intense passion...
people crack me up Hops.
they can be so passionate about nothign and when it really doesn't matter and then when it's life or death....
I dropped a card into church today for a woman who was beaten badly during a robbery a few days ago. I asked about her and the woman on the desk said 'oh she's a good Christian woman, she'll be okay!'
I thought how callous/casual but it's just typically sugar-coating life, people don't want to accept reality so they pretend the bad doesn't happen.
Which means they don't know how to respond or deal with it.
I wonder if the church will provide her with actual practical support, I do hope so.
I see an awful lot of rhetoric and praying and talking and not a lot of social action or personal interaction at that church....which is how i got involved in the damn first place- helping someone through a crisis!
I don't regret that of course, though it does make me raise eyebrows that these things are so often taken for granted and the recipients don't reciprocate.
But I just can't go and pay my ten per cent and turn a blind eye to things I can't stomach and treat it like a social club; in fact that is why the people are so depressed there I think, it is out-of-balance.
Religion isn't just ranting and taking care of ourselves or it shouldn't be.
I'm done with it, I need a new version of Christianity based on Christ's actual teachings and that is where I am sticking, as CH says, even if I end up a church of one.
My faith has seen me through so much, I'm not about to become a hypocrite and adopt someone else's just to belong now!
Wow I feel so strong writing that, like I just found my balance spiritually again.
I've been twisting myself in knots over this for weeks.
And church guy too- I really liked him and that incident where he didn't bring me water when he brought everyone else soda really upset me, we haven't been the same since, and I don't think we will keep in touch somehow.
How can that be, such strong attraction and feelings and then it doesn't mean anything?
You are so innovative.
you are very kind Teartracks, and I hear this a lot that I think creatively; but that's just the up-side of being bipolar and also of having not had much choice.
It's been sink or swim, right now I'm like one of those bouys: half-submerged all the time, sometimes a bigger wave crashes me under, but basically floating- yes, in a random manner, but still bobbing around!
Thanks for your love and support.
I will keep trying and never give up....things will never be perfect for me or even good all the time, but I'll wait for the next time of peace and maybe appreciate it more since I have had to wait.
Night & G_d bless!
~W
