S+Safe
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
Absolutely not, I recognize my nothingness but at the same time value myself above all others.
This is very clear. I wonder, do you really value yourself more than all others or do you
care about yourself more. Do you believe that you have more value that Mother Teresa or
people who invent cures for diseases? I think the idea of valuing oneself either more or less
than others is dangerously what N's do. However I think it is so important to love oneself,
to care about ones well being enough to be ones own best self-advocate, and to enjoy ones
self, ones traits, etc... but to value oneself more? As in, I choose myself as more special than
anyone else? Please enlighten me if I am not getting what you are saying. I try to do everything
I can to give to myself now (after years of not) but if it came down to who lives or dies, I think
I would value at least a few others above myself, since they seem to be making a more powerful
far reaching contribution than me.
Yes I have more value than any saint or any scientist that has ever or will ever exist. Why? Because I am all that I get. I can not lead their lives so why should I care that much about them. I can only lead my life and I need to start putting more value where it is deserved, and that is squarely with me. The narcissist is the one who needs to live through other people, the one who can not separate himself from others. I can do that and do it to the extreme, if you will. However, i am not deluded to think that I am superior to others. There is a difference between valuing yourself most and thinking you have the most value to others.
You speak about caring for yourself more than others. Is not caring and valuing the same thing? Why should I value others more than myself. Are you speaking of looking at an objective measure of personal accomplishments? I am not, I am speaking of the ultimate value of oneself, loving oneself. There is nothing wrong with this. It is just a reality that many of us have been forced to abandon. Why? Because, the narcissist wants us to value something other than ourselves, namely him. And when we do that we feel sick inside. Now, just accept that this is so, and tear off those shackles. He has no right to take your freedom, but you are entirely right to remove the connection.
Strong sense of entitlement.
I am entitled to what I can possess, and that just depends on my preferences and abilities.
I might add, with possessing of whatever usually comes additional responsibility.. so that
for me, I feel entitled to what I know that I can take of well. I do see that N's usually feel
entitled to everything they want, no matter what.
Yes, I said that it depends on my preferences and abilities. With preferences I choose what I want and with abilities I obtain what I am able to obtain. Its not utopia, just reality. There are two opposing forces and the battle is really an internal one between wants and abilities. But I choose not to get caught up in delusional wants like trying to keep up with the Jones. That part is narcissistic because it places you relative to others, hoping to improve your image. Also, narcissists do not realize the limits of their abilities and most likely the limits of their wants.
Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
Yes, I aim to achieve my own end, but I also realize the value of cooperation. But I realize it as a value for me, not others. It is what defines me, my character.
Such a positive choice.
Sometimes I think that in the end, the more important thing is to have GOOD VALUES
than to value oneself. I know they are both important., but if I had to choose one, I would
choose good values because I would make a more positive contribution that way.
There is nothing wrong with choosing good values. And there is nothing wrong with making a positive contribution. But who do you think you made those choices for? Did you make them for the good of the cause or the good of yourself? Think about it honestly. I mean, you are not out there working for all the causes, are you? You have chosen certain causes to work for, have you not? Why have you chosen those causes? Is it not because they are dear to your heart? And is your heart not a part of you? So, have you not chosen for your own good?
When I speak of the value of cooperation I am speaking of the value that comes to me. I realize others may also get positive out of the relationship. That is a side benefit. But for me, really, all I can hope for is how it makes me feel and that may include how I value someone else's feelings as well. But how I value them for me, again. Again we are forced not to be hypocrites. So, we live in a world where kindness can create value, but to be totally honest, we must admit that we are creating it for ourselves.
So where does love fit in? I do not know how you describe your love, and I can explain how I describe my own. Nonetheless, I realize it in myself and act accordingly. However, I will also not sacrifice myself for my love and be the slave of love. No, I respect it as a feeling and can only hope that I and my spouse have the strength, respect, and consideration to make it more healthy, however that may be defined. So my character exists to create value for me and it appears that the laws of nature reward cooperative behavior. Therefore, all is not lost. A positive person will always draw positive results.
Steve
